Monday, April 22, 2013

Breathe easy . . .

So. . . I got in the door and was offered a cranberry and vodka - it does feel like a weekend night tonight after all.  Of course, I had homework to do so. . . that drink had to wait until a few min ago.  I am working on it now though.

I decided today (well Friday night actually) that I am going on a small hiatus from school.  I will be going back in August - but for now, it was either give up the LBBT or give up school for a bit...I chose school.  It has been pointed out to me, albeit  kinda not nicely that I don't even know where I'm going right now, so why keep it up.  I will take a break, because of the move and stuff being busy, but I'm not quitting.  I'll finish this class with a good grade, and then take two off..

Do you think anyone ever knows what they really want in or outta life?  I think we're all constantly changing and growing.  I think I know what path I'm on and then boom, a disaster happens and everything changes.  I think it's just a confusing mess sometimes.

This Friday, would have been Shawn's 36th birthday.  Most of you know who Shawn was to me, and to those of you that don't...I'll tell you - He was my first cousin, and actually we grew up next door.  He was 4 months older than me, but when he was 20 (always a year older to him) and I was still 19 - He was in a car accident (there is a lot more to this sad story, but I don't feel like it) - anyway I can honestly say that I doubt there has been a day that has gone by in nearly 16 years that I haven't thought of him, and how our lives would have been if he had lived.  I am not going to say that we always got along and that we didn't bicker often.  BUT I am going to say that we had so many memories together We drown a cat together - who knew they couldn't swim, smoked our first cig together, played with fire, built a fort, threw rocks at his mom, hooked the hose to the slide.  One time - when we lived in CA, we even hid under a bush in the desert for a full probably 8 hours while our parents got rescue and search parties together looking for us.  We knew that we'd be in so much trouble, so we were trying to figure out how to stay there forever.  He was the person that also taught me a VERY important lesson.  Life is too short, and it's important to make the most out if.  Love fully and completely and make sure people know how you feel always.  Sometimes when I'm thinking of him, I wonder, would he have kids now?  Would we be really close?  Would we be Facebook friends?  Would he have had an iPhone and argued with me about how they were better than Android?
I was going to wait to talk about Shawn until Friday - but I was feeling it tonight..

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