Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Train. . . . . That is all..

Listening to some Google music and had this thought...Train lyrics are so wonderful.  I seriously have a thing for Train.  This is how I feel about Train:
"If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather that flock together"

Not much to say today - Not feeling great..Have a wonderful day to all!

Hugs to all...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Falling on your face. . .

I learn every day.  Experiences are so wonderful.  I know at the time that it's happening bad things do not FEEL wonderful, but they all make you the perfect "you" that you are.  I have done so many stupid things in my life, but something great has developed from almost every one of those stupid things.  It is interesting to see other people making the same mistakes I once made, and I want to tell them, "oh don't do that, I have been there and I failed miserably", but if I were to tell them any of that, I would be disturbing the natural balance of learning from it, and those people might not be as wonderful later because of the experience they missed. (sorry about the horrible run-on sentence, but I had to get it all out at once)
So, I know that Gary and I go through the same thing.  He's quite a bit older and has had much more everyday life experience than I have.  I know that there are times he wants to help me out of a pickle, but I don't want to listen.  Partly because I'm stubborn, but also because I kind of like to make my mistakes and learn and grow from them.  I'm not saying that I don't ever want his help, but lately, I think I'm realizing how often he just shuts up and lets me deal with it.
My kids are all old enough to go through a lot of the same situations that I once went through, and boy some of those are fun.  Some of those times can be pretty scary, and its so hard as a parent to know that I can't jump in and help all the time.  Not only would they push my advice away, but they also need to fall and FAIL.  My mom got so hurt when I told her to let me live, and didn't take advice on things, and I get that. I will hopefully not ever feel that same way.  Hopefully, I have learned that while some of what they do will be dangerous to their hearts and sometimes to their bodies, they will experience and go through stuff without me. Also, I hope they always see me as a cool mom who won't freak out if they do something crazy, but rather talk to them about it as an adult.
Yeah, that's right Jami - I remember all of our crazy adventures.  You and I had a ton of fun, and did a quite a bit of learning together.  We surely fell on our faces, but we also learned what good friendship is all about and how we don't have to hang together all the time to love each other.  There were also the not so good moments, like when it came to driving in snow and having no money or food.  I could mention all of the "firsts" that happened while I was with you, but I don't want to give that much.  The truth is, I love our friendship, Jami - You and I can be away from each other for months, get together and we leave off right where we once were.
BTW..I love all of my friends, but no one was as crazy with me as Jami - so if I didn't mention you, don't have hurt feelings.  I love you all.  EVERY single one of you.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Flowers and Jewelry

Lemon and Blueberry

Never really been a flower/jewelry type of girl. I could never see spending a lot of money on rocks or dead plants.  To me it seems worthless.  I am sure that I spend money on things that others would not like, but it's always been known to the guys that I've dated, that I don't want costly jewelry (won't wear it) or dead flowers.  I never understood cut flowers anyway. I will occasionally wear a necklace, but i like to pick them out myself.
I've always been kind of mesmerized by Orchids.  They seem unique and full of life.  So a few months ago Jenn and I both picked out an orchid that we liked while we visited her.  My initial thought was to get her something beautiful to take care of and make her happier.  She had just moved and had some emotional struggles.  I decided I'd go ahead and get myself one also and we could talk about how are orchids were doing over time. My first orchid, named "Lemon" was a beautiful yellow with hot pink centers.  It has been so easy to care for and it's so alive.  About a month ago, while shopping in Kroger, I saw the most magnificent blue orchid. Seriously he's gorgeous.  I have named him "Blueberry" and yes, I talk to them and I love them.  I'm also not sure why Lemon is a girl and Blueberry is a boy to me, but whatever that's just how it is.  I had no idea that these gorgeous alive flowers could make me feel they way they do.  They add a certain amount of peace to my life.  I know that I'm going to get another one some day; I am very passionate about the orchid thing, and for me that's really strange.  The plants are very interesting and there are so many different kinds, and some bloom all year.  It's not like a tulip that has a bloom for a few days and withers up.  I highly suggest that everyone own one orchid; name it and talk to it.  You'll be surprised how much you love it.

Friday, November 25, 2011

My Thanksgiving

Even though I missed a few people.  (Dad, Donna and the Kids and Nikki, Kenny and the kids and David)  I think this was one of my favorite Thanksgiving's ever.  
I really, really love my sister-in-law for hosting and for extending her family to include Gary's sons and their families.  I love having so many people I cherish in one place.  So Sarah asked us all to mention the first thing that came to mind that we were all Thankful for.  I struggled with this, because my mind is a tricky thing, and the first thing and the last thing all jumble a lot.
Nanette and Will - Thanks for raising such beautiful, wonderful daughters and I love you guys.  It's really nice to get together as often as we do, and I feel that I've (and my children) are growing very close to you.  We have a truly interesting situation, and I love it so much.
Jennifer and Zach and David- I love you more than I can ever say.  You know this.  You are my sweets and it's so awesome to have you around.  David - you're always loved and missed my boy.
Sarah - Thanks for an awesome Thanksgiving and for making me the most proud aunt EVER.  You have become one of my best friends and I love you so much.
Roy -  Ah...what can i say..I love you, bro.  That beer was the best I think I've ever tasted, you beat Blue Moon for me.
Gary - You're the love of my life, and I'm always so so Thankful to have you.  You ARE my Neo.
Tommy and beautiful babies - I am so totally thankful to have such an accepting family, I love you and hope all the happiness for you forever.  I'll always be around for you, like you've been for me.  Taylor and Anna - Just Jess loves you very much.  Both of you are so beautiful and special and your parents are totally lucky to have you.
Katie - You're a gorgeous and determined girl, and a wonderful aunt and sister.  I'm very Thankful to have you in my life and also to have you be the sister that Sarah loves so much.  
Mom - Hmmm.  You are phenomenal, gorgeous and wonderful.  I'm so glad you were blessed with me (joke), nah I'm so glad that I have you as a Mom.  I remember when I was younger and my friends would say, I wish your Mom was mine, and I remember thinking "I've never wanted any other mom..that's weird."
Dad - You're the reason for my career.  You're the reason for my personality and I love you as much as always, I also miss you very much and I love you always.
Donna and kids - I'm Thankful to have another extension.  I'm thankful that Zach has found a best friend in you and that I have some great step-siblings and I hope that Ashley gets better really soon.  
JD - I'm addressing you because I know you read this - I love you family as though it were truly my own.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and I hope to get together with you all soon.
Jami - You are one of my best friends and I cherish you dearly.  We need to do something.  Thanks for being there for me always.  :)
Nikki - Missed you at the dinner - love you and the girls - happy to see you soon.  I'm happy to have you all in my life and I'm thankful that you and I have gotten to the understandings that we have.  Love you babe.  Your girls are wonderful and gorgeous and I'm very thankful for them too...Kenny too I guess.
Okay this is ridiculous - I thought I'd be able to do this, but I am very thankful for so many things.
My IWU cohort - I'm thankful for most of them..really getting close to a few.
My staff - They are the best.  I couldn't ask for a better team.
My co-workers - It's nice to be in the place we are all together.  I'm very glad to be a part of that team.
Collin - I'm glad my baby finds happiness with you.
Amber - I am Thankful to have gotten to know you so well.  Thanks for being good for David.
Brian/Kelly-Thanks for having such wonderful children.
Kelly - Thanks for letting the kids continue to see me.  I love you..even though I know that's hard to believe.
Grandpa - Love you..Glad you're still here with me.
Grandma - Love you and always will..even though you're not here, I feel you around a lot.

Alright - I know I missed people..I can't keep going..
All my readers - You're freakin' awesome..Thanks for liking me and continuing to read.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Excuse makers

So . .

If you don't want something, just say it.  If you don't like something, say it.  If you'd rather do something else, say it.  Don't wait and then make an excuse later explaining why you can't do something.  Everyone knows that person, that waits til the last minute and backs out of everything.  The person that doesn't want to really ride on a train for 4 hours, because they won't be able to smoke.  Instead of them just saying, I really don't want to do that, they say yes, and then at the last minute they back out saying that their hips hurt and can hardly walk.  Okay well you'll be riding a damn train, so you don't need to walk much to do that.  I know that I'm being sort of flippant, but really, why make the excuse when the time comes.  Is it fear?  Is it that you really secretly decided weeks ago, when we made plans that you didn't want to come, and you just didn't say anything until my kid was supposed to meet you half way?  I'm blogging this obviously because I'm upset with a certain person, but what's interesting is that I didn't even really want her to be around that much.  She complains more and is more negative than anyone else I know. Not to mention, she's overall not a nice person most of the time.  You know, it's weird, but I do love her despite all of that, and I'm sorry for her that she will once again miss out on all of the beautiful people in our family and lives.

I guess to all of you that are out there that are excuse makers (sorry Tommy about last night, but I didn't make an excuse) - You should be ashamed of yourselves, because you hurt people.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011


Apparently something is off with the cosmos, because lots of people are wound pretty tightly today.  Calm down and realize that this too shall pass.  Geezz..

So my day starts with my daughter's boyfriend being upset at me because I jokingly "threatened him".  I figured anyone that knows me just a little bit knows that I am not dangerous in any way.  I have no ill will towards anyone.  I guess I didn't realize how much the situation had affected him.  The other part of that is though that I don't beg for forgiveness from anyone - other than maybe my children.  I didn't do harm to him, and I don't want to be over dramatic.
SIDE NOTE:Okay also ladies (and gentlemen) I don't believe that one person really ever TRUSTS another one fully to not break their heart.  Come on, really?  In this day and age, it happens all the time where someone more interesting is right around the corner and if that person is interested in you, too...things can happen...
But what I do believe is that we CAN choose to Believe our partner.  Believe that they would never hurt you..Trust to me is just too big of a word.  Believe that they wouldn't let someone get close enough to tempt them away from you.  Actually I think I don't care for that 'Trust' word so much.  I Trust in God.  I believe in Gary to stay away from the tree.  END SIDE NOTE!
Then I get to work and some people are really worked up here.  I don't understand why one day is any more concerning than the rest around here.  I also feel like certain people are only there to bring you down, so if you don't let them, YOU win.  Calm down people.  Tomorrow is another day, and then it's Turkey day.  Be thankful and happy for what you have in your life.
btw..a comment every now and then lets me know who is reading these, and makes me smile so big - Jimmy Dean..;)
I love you all.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Working out...

If I know it makes me feel so good after a good workout, why do I avoid it?  I recently decided to join the masses around here and start working out at lunchtime.  I used to be able to get up in the morning and get going early, but in the last 6 months or so, it's been really hard to wake up early.  Hell, it's been hard to roll out of bed period.  I did decide a few weeks ago to go to the YMCA here, since I have membership already and they participate in Lafayette in the Dollar away program. (I pay $1 a day to go).  Right away, I noticed the stair stepper machine.  I have so missed my stair stepping machine.  The new Y in Lebanon does not have one.  They do have many machines, but the one that I actually think moves fat away from my thunderous thighs and hips, isn't there.  I am truly thankful for having hair that I don't have to do much with.  I have been drying it a bit with a hair dyer there, but then I have to drive back here with the windows down anyway to avoid unnecessary sweating. I have still been trying to walk in the evenings, too.  I enjoy activity so much.

Guess what - just a few more days, and I get to hug my little girl.  So excited about that.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Different Kinds of Love

Isn't the heart a weird thing?  Feelings are so interesting and I really think it's amazing how many different kinds of feelings you can have towards different people.  I can honestly say that I do not feel the same way about any one individual.  I don't think that I have ever felt the same way about anyone.  I love all of my kids differently, and I love all of my friends differently.  I love mankind, but no one feeling is ever the same as the next.  I'm sure I loved my ex-husband at one point, but I definitely don't love him nor did I ever love him the way that I love Gary.  My children and I all have different relationships; therefore, I can not even love them the same.  I would argue that I love them all equally, but differently.  I love my niece like I've loved no other.  I love my sister-in-law like I've loved no other, and I am sure I love you like I love no other.  That should make all of you feel very special.

Monday, November 14, 2011


When I first bought my house, the idea was "I am woman, hear me roar".  I knew it was going to be a headache and a project, but I was single again and was going to make it mine.  I bought an old 1940's house that definitely needed some lovin' and I went to work.  Mostly it was girl power.  My momma and one of my besties, Christie, worked with me to do some basic remodeling.  Jennifer has helped me bunches, too.  I remember the first night in the house, there were wall tiles in the kitchen that were barely hanging on.  Jenn and I started peeling them off the wall, along with all the plaster, but it was so much fun. My Momma came to the house later and said, "umm..what are you going to do now?"  She always makes me grin.  She's so different than I am.
We removed carpets, sanded and fixed natural floors, put in laminate, painted, painted with Texture, even did drywall on some walls.  Oh yeah, we removed a several layer floor in the bathroom too, and fixed that.
Since Gary's become my nusband, (Yes, NUSBAND, didn't spell it wrong), we really started doing some remodeling.  This weekend we tore up my bathroom.  In a few weeks we should have a brand spanking new bathroom with a wonderful tile shower.
I have to say, I love tearing things up.  I also love getting scrapes and bruises when I've done something to deserve them.  Problem is I bruise easily, so I don't have to do anything to look like I've been working hard. 
Almost every project in my house has started with me destroying something.  
Gary and I do really well working together on projects like this, too.  It is refreshing to have someone not get irritated by your every idea or tell you that you're wrong.  He does that a lot about other things, but not during house projects for some reason.  Maybe it's fun for him, too, even though I doubt he would ever admit it.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Nook vs. Kindle Fire

Okay so - a few obvious things overlooked in this article. Amazon has movies you can rent or buy for download by having a prime account.  Amazon has an AMAZING app store with great apps and a free paid one of the day.  Amazon has all kinds of things you can buy on the internet with free shipping with a Prime account.  Let's face it people - Barnes and Nobles couldn't come close to compete with Amazon really.

Yes so Amazon has only 8GB of internal storage, but they give you the world with their cloud storage with a Prime account.  It would be nice to have a longer battery life, but that's the only thing I see as being a one up with the Nook.  Everything else is slightly comparable or Amazon has knocked them out of the park.

I will have mine in 9 days, and then I'll be able to comment more.  Can't wait.

Monday, November 7, 2011

I don't need no stinking Niche

I've been trying to decide if there should be a regular type of post from me about something or if I should just do this one blog and keep it casual.  I'm a very random person and I enjoy random thinking people.  I'm not sure I'd keep up something that was supposed to be specific.  I have decided that my niche will be to continue along this path until I might find something interesting enough to blog specifically about.  

Starting today with Smear Ads and my feelings:
Our nation is full of people; some are white, some black, some red, some Christian, some Buddhist, some Jewish, some interesting, some not.  I'm so tired of hate and slinging mud.  Who really cares, and why do we allow and pay for things like this ?
I know this one was a bit funny, but negative smear ads are ridiculous.  Someone is paying a ton of money for them while children starve somewhere.  

I do not watch the news.  Honestly, I protest it (without signs), but if someone is watching it at home, I go into another room.  I do not like at all how negative things are and how people thrive on the negativity.  How often do you see positive stories on the news?  I was in the car with Gary yesterday, and he turned off the radio, which is a rarity.  I looked at him and he said he wasn't going to listen to smear ads, and it got me thinking.  Why do any of us put up with it?  Everyone complains about it, but no action has been taken to remove them.  I'm wondering if people actually listen to what's said in these ads and believe them.  If you listen to ads like this and believe the smear, then please make sure you are using birth control. We don't need to breed stupid.

Now that we've determined that we're not stupid, how do we stop smear ads? Maybe we refuse to watch or listen to them.  Maybe we refuse to vote for anyone that pays for one.  Maybe we write our senators and our congress people.  I guess I'm asking you.  This nation is already filled with hate; these ads won't turn it around.  

Ending today with Love:
I have been having issues lately with borders.  I'm not sure why we have them.  I'm a student at IWU, and in a blog discussion lately, I commented about borders and why is it important that we have them.  There was a conversation about tariffs and taxes, and a comment was made about how it seems like the rest of the world hates us and we help people.  At that I started thinking about how we "helped" Iraq.  How do we not expect to have people hate us when we interfere and act like a bully?  I wish we could all just get a long.  I know it sounds cliche, but seriously, why is there so much "ME" in the world.  If everyone would stop and take a step back and love just because they love their fellow man, things would be so much happier.  Stop finger pointing and stop pushing smaller nations around.  Open our borders to everyone and if we all did that..We could all be one nation maybe.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Jessica For President --- Part two

I'm thinking that when I rule the world or become president, that I would like to remove the voice box of all dogs under a certain size.  I was walking today and when the little cute, ewok looking dog started barking, I started thinking.  People definitely don't get those kinds of dogs for them to be intimidating to anyone, so we don't really need to hear them.  I think my aversion to small dogs has everything to do with the yap, so if we made it a rule that all small dogs, we either alter their genetics to make them sound different or we take out the bark completely, then they wouldn't be annoying, just cute.

So another thought for my presidency...
I watched the movie called "Arena" today.  All in all, a decent enough movie.  A great idea would be this - Death row inmates could fight each other to do death and it could be televised.  This would do two things, one it would eliminate some of the need for larger prisons and two, maybe it would add some sort of aversion to being bad enough to go to prison.  Maybe if people realized that we will let them kill each other in prison, then that one psycho will not murder the family, or whatever they were previously thinking of doing.  If we're absolutely sure that someone did something that warrants them life in prison or death by lethal injection, why not televise them fighting another person that did some other horrible crime.  The reason years ago that the government did the public hangings was to detour people from committing crimes, I'm just thinking this might have the same effect.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Droid vs. Android

Today's complaints. . .

Android is an operating system, and I have a phone that has Android on it.  I do NOT have a Droid, though.  A Droid is a type of phone made by the manufacturer Motorola.  They also do have the Android operating system on them.

Apple's iOS is on all of their devices, but they don't sell their OS or give it away to anyone.  Google is COOL.  They give their OS out to many manufacturer's, so my phone is an Atrix (much better than a Droid) and it runs an Android operating system and it's made by Motorola.

Back when I was a simpleton and had an iPhone I was confused by this, too.  I would think though, that since Android's are becoming so popular - Apple's phones are only outselling Android devices by 9%....(check this article - this would become more common knowledge.  I am not kidding though that at least twice a week, someone says to me, "oh you have a Droid".

No, I do not have a Droid.  I have a much superior phone to any of the Droid phones.
I read this back and wonder why this bothers me so much, but it does.  My phone is more than just a phone or a smart device; it's an extension of me, I guess and it's awesome.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

An Amazing Memory

Isn't it cool how some things that happened in your life stick to you like it happened yesterday?  Well, if you don't have those kinds of memories, I'm sure that you haven't yet experienced a tragic or extremely wonderful event.

For me, 12 years ago today, was both a tragic and a wonderful event.

I had been in the hospital last week, 12 years ago, for the whole week, with pre-eclampsia.  After much complaining, the doctor sent me home on Halloween day to see my older two children go trick-or-treating.  I didn't get to take them, of course, but I got to go home and be with them.  The only symptom that I hadn't had at that point was protein in my urine, so I wasn't in immediate danger on October 31 (which that year, was a Sunday).  I went home and laid on my left side to keep my BP from causing a stroke, with the instructions that on Nov. 2, I was to go in to see my OB at 10:30.  David had just turned 8, and Jenn was 5.  Jennifer was in Half day - afternoon kindergarten that year.  Tuesday morning, I knew something was wrong.  I had trouble going to the bathroom, and I told Brian that I was sure they were going to keep me, but he insisted that we take Jennifer with us to my 10:30 appt.
Without all the gory details, we were sent to St. Vincent's emergency room.

I remember that day so clearly.  Everything happened quite quickly, and at 5:54pm, I had a wonderful 2lb, 10oz baby boy.  He was 15inches long and had very wide bright eyes, and he looked like an old wise man with all his wrinkles.  They wrapped him up and took him away from me.  I remember many things from that evening.  Bart Petersen became the mayor of Indy, Brian was a jerk and wouldn't go check on our son when I asked him, and my mother didn't want to leave my side.  I felt so alone and miserable.  He spent his first two days in the NICU, but his Mommy spent her's in an ICU room.  Finally, when I was out of danger, I got to meet him.  (not hold him, but meet him)

Christmas Eve, I got to bring my then 4lb 3oz, boy home from the hospital.  It was a long, agonizing few months, but he's wonderful and mostly healthy.  I am so blessed.  I've loved a lot in my life, but there is no other love like that of my children.

Before David and Jennifer, I didn't even want children.  I met them when they were 5 and 2.  I immediately loved them, and my love grew and grew.  I worried when I had Zach that there wouldn't be love for him left in me, but it was the most amazing thing.  The love I have for them is alike but different, all three of them have a different kind of perfect, individual, unconditional love.

Zacheriah is 12 today.  Happy Birthday, my sweet, wonderful young man.