Back in the day...

There are times I have trouble remembering things. I'm not sure why this happens, I really wasn't a druggie or heavy drinker. I used to think it was my mind getting rid of the unimportant stuff to make room for the stuff that really meant something, but that can't be it. Some of the memories I hold on to are truly junk, but I've had my friend Jami say.. "remember when we..." and it was something I should remember but really don't. Then I thought maybe I got rid of some of the more painful ones, but once I met up with this old high school friend that told me some stories that apparently I was a big part of, but I had no memory at all. (again stuff I should have remembered) Maybe though since I have always led a very busy life, there was always so much stuff going on, my mind had overload. I think of it like a computer that sometimes I need to reboot, but when it comes back up there are some holes or data corruption in some of the files.

Anyway one of my favorite times in my life was when I worked at the Strand theater in Crawfordsville. Strange how I hold onto so many memories from that time frame. Learning to thread old projectors and splice movies; it's something I've never used since or probably will ever use again, but it was so cool to be in control of that place. I am not sure why this was on my mind, but it was.

Today.. Overall a decent day..
Been listening to a new book on the way back and forth (part of the way.. Can't stick to one thing both ways) anyway it's called Delirium.. About a society without love. The cure for feelings and how a girl figures out that it's not a disease after all. I kinda like it. Not as much as I liked Lifehouse today., but yeah..

So.. Hope I made you smile today with my uber nerdy referral to a computer system and my brain... Lots of love.

Xoxo.. Millions.. Infinity

Nada...

Oh my I have nothing to say.
Blog topics aren't coming so easily today.
Been a productive day.

Winds of change

Tomorrow has changed how I feel about today
Thinking about what it will be like
Already missing this day
Already missing this place

I see your confidence and waiver
It's nice to breathe you in
Refreshing like a glass of ice water on the hot days.

The what ifs aren't that scary
The wind blows and I feel the calm sneak in
Happiness is in that wind and that is something consistent

Everything is so fluid
Always changing
But always interesting
Faith and love
________________________________

Gonna wrap it up mostly tomorrow. Sounds like I'm sleeping on the couch again.. Snore snore..
Love to all
Goodnight

You are so...

I think it's important above all to try to be as honest as you can with yourself. Let's face it, we all at some time or another try to push ourselves to believe something that isn't true or maybe not right because you don't feel like you should or it wouldn't be widely accepted.

It's a difficult thing sometimes to decide that there is nothing wrong with who you are or what you're feeling when you feel pushed in a different direction.

I am not winning many parenting awards, but if there are two things I hope my kids learn from me, they are... Be yourself always and true to yourself first... And love with your whole heart, even if it gets broken a lot.

Message to the girl that means more to me than any other in the world: I'm not always there to hug you and say it's gonna be okay, but I promise everything will be. It used to bug me when Gary would say this, but there is no other way it can be. And isn't that really so true. You just Be you and hold tight to that. You're fabulous just the way you are.--millions and millions

Last minute...

Okay went out with the girls.. Decided I was too tired to party much. This has been overall a busy but good week. I am posting this to hit before midnight Tommy. Love you

Orange...

Yeah.. Not so good at the improv thing. The black box has a two class parent and child improv, and of course, in support I decided Zacheriah and I would do it. I know I figured I'd rock at it too, but nope. I find myself trying to think about what to do or say next and it makes it impossible for me to enjoy what's going on around me. I like watching others much more than doing.

I wish I could speak bird. Do you think all birds can understand each other? Or do you think it's like speaking a different language and they can learn it? Or do you thinks like women and men and they can understand each other but they don't listen?
Speaking of this.. Do you think all frogs understand each others croaks? Just the thoughts swarming my never slowing mind. We're sitting on the porch and I am enjoying the sounds and company but yeah... Always thinking

The other day I'm driving down the street and a squirrel seriously stops to stare me down. I had to completely stop.. I really don't know if it was a suicide attempt, but it was like for a moment we shared eye contact and he was daring me..

Yeah going to enjoy my time now.. Love you.. Xoxo.. Millions and infinity

Bacon and Eggs. . .

When I was young, I remember my grandpa being the whisker guy.  He actually had hurt feelings for a while when I was young, because I called him a weirdo and wouldn't let him hold me.  He liked to whisker me and that hurt my precious skin.  As the years went on though, I believe he became to me the most important lesson I'd ever know.  NO not that I need to eat bacon and eggs every single day, although he did try to force that on me a time or two.

I remember thinking he'd be with me forever.  Funny how when you grow older and people pass away, you see things in others that remind you of them.  In a way I guess, that means he's with me somewhere always.  My grandpa's attitude was very kind and gentle and he was sure of himself, yet never conceited.  He was a quiet man, until you got him going.  Some of his stories I never got tired of hearing.  He was helpful and generous and smart and just all around a great guy.  I remember how he'd look at me when I would get onto a topic he thought was crazy, which was a lot.  He'd give me that half grin and just nod with so much love in his eyes.  I never one time questioned his love for me throughout the years.  The funny thing is, no one did.  They just knew he loved them; he was the best kind of love.  Sometimes when I find people that remind me of him in the slightest way, I can't help but like them.  I hope that as I grow old, I have this same type affect on the people that love me.  I hope they just know.

It's no surprise to a lot of you that my parents divorced when I was already an adult.  I can not pretend that this was easy on me.  I felt like the child had become the parent very quickly.  I was sitting at grandpa's table in tears over the whole thing and just confused and he said to me something like (I won't quote, cuz i'm sure I won't do him justice) People are who they are, and they change over the years, and either they grow together or sometimes they grow apart.  All you can do is love them.  You don't want to try to change their minds, cuz they might hold you accountable. If I hadn't had that man through those years in my life, I honestly don't know who I'd be today.  He kept me grounded.  Always a rock and always someone I could depend on.  I will certainly miss that guy forever.

BTW guys - he did tell me once when I was calling him for carpentry advice, "You are the son I never had."  @dad, terry, cris and patrick   ;)