Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I can actually see a few age wrinkles under my eyes. Anyway..
I said a few days ago that I don't do "resolutions" to someone very close to me. This is not true, so I need to recant that statement. The truth is, I always do resolutions, but they usually aren't based on the new year. I quit smoking one year for a New Year's Resolution. I didn't say that was what it was, but I had my last smoke right before midnight. I had/have a pair of jeans that I love, I made a resolution one year (not at New Years) to fit into them. I did too..but. . . I don't now (fit into them that is).
I guess I do have a few resolutions I'm working on right now. I'll share them, but I haven't before, so . . . Here goes.
Number 1. I am learning to not take things personally. Everyone is living their lives and are living in their own world. If someone is upset with me or jealous or whatever, that's not my problem it's theirs. I can just live my life and love those around me. I can't change others.
Number 2. I'm working towards my the Bachelor's now, but I can't wait to be working on the MBA..
Number 3. I will be happy and exude happiness more often than any other emotion.
Number 4. I need to wear those jeans again.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It seems like a lot of you liked the 'Eye' post, so I figured I'd go with another event in my life that was totally nuts, and completely unforgettable.
|Gorgeous 3 year old|
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Check this out here http://www.nei.nih.gov/health/histoplasmosis/histoplasmosis.asp#1 for more details. My optometrist recommended an ophthalmology for a second opinion on what was happening in my eyes. So my first visit to Lafayette Eye Center followed.
At my first visit with Dr. David Magnante (he's cool, if you know who I'm talking about), he left the room after saying "Wow!" and came back with another doctor to show him "How cool my eyes were"...Okay so, NO ONE wants to hear when they go to a specialist that they have something "cool" - most generally this means it's new to them or something unusual. He told me that day that I have a form of retinal deterioration that causes holes and in my retina, and while "yes" I do have histoplasmosis, this was no where as concerning as the holes and how they could detach my retina. This was the first definition "You're retinas are full of craters" apparently a few of the holes had a lot of fluid behind them and I needed to have an emergency procedure done with lasers to correct it. So my first visit there, I had two head ensuing laser treatments. What they do during these procedures, is strap your head into a contraption where you can't move (chin on a chin rest with laser machine in front of you), they give you some numbing drops in your eyes and shoot a green laser straight into your eye through a lense that they place directly on your eyeball.
I had many follow up visits and a LOT of those treatments.
Pretty soon (three years later or so), Dr. Magnante moved to Unity and I went to see him up there for one of my regular visits. That day, Dr. Magnante had Dr. Gary Schraut in his office for a visit also. It was then another show and tell moment for me, when they both talked about again "how cool" my eyes were. So, I became a patient of Dr. Schraut. He is actual a retina specialist at the Retina Clinic in Lafayette. (I've noticed that besides me, he only sees old patients- guess most people don't have these issues this young) On one of my normal visits to Dr. Schraut, he decided it would be best to just laser around my whole eye.
If you are squeamish to my story at all so far, you may want to stop reading now. So this day I went to see him and he explained to me that there were a lot of holes and he was tired of treating them individually, plus there was one hole in particular that was in a really hard to reach place with the laser. He explained to me that he would have to freeze this particular hole, and in order to do all of this he would need to put my eye to sleep. Guess how they do that? Ok, so they give you a shot with a HUGE needle that is "dull by design" in the back of your eye nerve. In order to get to your eye nerve they must stick the needle up under your eye and all the way to the back. Yeah that's right, and you ask, is this painful? Okay well, I say to that, I would rather have a few more children then EVER do that again. What even made this horribly worse, was that I had to do it a second time a few weeks later for the other eye. When the "dull needle" passes through gristley parts of underneath your eye, it crunches in your head....oh it's making me cringe just recalling it.
Anyway, so, he didn't explain to me that freezing your eye..means to touch your eye with liquid nitrogen which even though your eye is totally asleep meaning you can't open it at all, gives you a frozen headache worse than you can EVER imagine. Also the healing time on that eye was like 4 days. It looked horrible and infected.
Okay..the cool thing about the eye asleep shot, is as your eye is waking back up, you can look in a direction and the other eye slowly scans the room. VERY creepy, but it was pretty funny. Zach made tons of fun of his Momma.
I think I pretty well covered it. I've said it before and I'll say it again, my parents should not have had children, their genes did not mix well. At least not with me; my bro is pretty okay tho.
Monday, December 19, 2011
It's good that I am a geek, but some days, I am so so tempted to go buy a new phone. I don't need one..I just want every new stinkin' device that comes out. I have started letting all the little children play with my phone with the mindset that if they break it or drop it or whatever, then it's an omen that it's time for a new phone. I want ice cream sandwich, too, but I'm not willing to switch from ATT so I guess I'll be wanting for a few months.
I had an assignment for this new class, Organizational Behaviors, to talk about what I see happening in 5-25 years with behaviors in organizations. I found this somewhat difficult, and kept going over what has happened in the last 5-25 years with technology. I can only imagine how technology will influence changed behaviors. I suppose there will be much more connectivity to the workplace from anywhere, if that is possible. I like how in the last 5 years my job has changed so that if it is necessary it is quite possible for me to seamlessly work from home or the ball field, imagine how in the future maybe we won't even have to have physical locations. I can see the good and the bad with that. I am a social person, so I can see missing out on interaction with non-verbal ques. Already there are quite a few misunderstandings because of text and email.
So this reminded me of the first time I had a truly euphoric feeling about technology in general. So, I have this retina disease that I've had many surgeries for. Basically, it could detach and does in certain areas and so I have to have it tacked back to the wall of my eyes from time to time. There is much more to this..and I could go into some yucky details, but that's for another blog...maybe tomorrow...Anyway, everyone who has ever had to explain it to me, tells me that my eyes look like swiss cheese with all the holes. I went to see my regular eye doctor a year ago, and he asked me if I wanted pictures taken...Seriously, I have them, so i will post them in another blog...but . . .he took pictures of the INSIDE of my eye and emailed them to me. He also took pictures of my sons so that I could compare. I remember feeling like...NO FREAKING WAY...that is so cool..
Imagine the global impact with all of the technology that is heading our way. And Whoa can you think of the houses computer systems..it really could be like Hawaii Five O...where they have the virtual air projection that they can slide with a hand movement. Well actually we already have this technology with the XBox 360 Kinect. Yeah that's right, I have one of those, too. My kid is a bit spoiled and he likes gadgets and games, too, but he gets it honestly. Also, I can't really blame him, because I buy them for me to play with sometimes, too. Almost salivating about his Christmas gifts. I was going to open them ahead of time and play them while he was gone, but nah..i can wait. I'm also anxiously awaiting the new Wii technology. Nintendo is freaking awesome.
Wonder if the new iPhone 5 will have 3D capability? I really like the look of the new RAZR..yeah that was a bit random, but that's what the whole blog is. I am quite random, and you don't know the half of how scary that is.
OH BTW - I got a new flower last night. It's another orchid, of course...I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! I named him Punkin...and . . He's pink and yellow, but I feel like he's a him, so he is. I'll post a picture after I take one. He is very zen feeling. I walked by him at Kroger and had to have him. I wish I could explain how much I liked orchids. They are absolutely wonderful.
Friday, December 16, 2011
|me loves me some Android|
I just had to post that.
Nik - I got the bags from overstock and I think Gary and I will be fine being home alone Christmas morning.
So...have you ever been feeling something down deep and you didn't even realize the emotions you had about it until you started talking about it, and then it was like the flood gates opened?
I really miss my Dad. I guess I didn't realize how much I was missing him until I tried to tell him that last night. I am a blubbering fool sometimes, and I'm good with it.
I think sometimes a good cry is healthy. I wonder how many men really cry when we're not looking. I would rather the crying be when I'm not looking though, I don't know why, but I really don't like to see men cry. It's okay if someone dies, but not about the stuff I cry about. You know - - as I'm typing this , I'm thinking wow..how wrong is that? Seriously, I want to be treated as an equal to a man at work, but . . . I don't want men to cry, because they should be tougher than that. Strange realization. I also just realized . . . I sometimes answer my feelings with "it's okay, I'm a girl"...hmm..something to think about..I'll bet men would rather I cry when they aren't looking too though..
I love water. No, I mean I really love water. I remember when I was younger and I used to feel like 'yuck, water'... How is it that now, I crave it? I guess that's good. I like tea, too, but water - good ice cold water - is so fantastic. Of course, I love red wine, too. Last night, in the middle of the night, I got up and drank like two full glasses of cold water, and I went back to sleep thinking about how wonderful water is.
I had the most interesting dream, too. I swear sometimes my dreams could be movies. So, I was like in the third person and watching these army guys get blown up by alien forces. Somehow these two guys took off running up a hill only to see tons of people that looked Zombiefied walking down the hill. One of the guys walked into this webbing stuff and then started to lose his mind and become also Zombie like, and his friend pulled him out of the stuff and he regained his mojo and they both ran away. Anyway, long dream short - There were these aliens that took over the world, but they couldn't invade certain towns for some reason. The white stuff was surrounding plants and made people lose their minds, but if you got them to a town where the aliens were they regained their senses. Also the AM radio stations were somehow turning people into Zombies and would brainwash them into going out of the towns to get captured, but FM stations were off limits to the aliens somehow. There was a family I kinda followed and some running guy that was getting in shape to take on the aliens because they killed most of the military.. I woke up thinking..wow..good dream, maybe I could have that one again sometime. I know, right? I know what you're thinking, but I'm not a total lunatic, just a tad crazy.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I know that I'm really open about saying "I love you" so it's hard for people to know when they're special to me. It's hard for me to single out people, because a lot of people are really special to me. Josh - you're def. one of the good ones. Ron - I know I give you shit, but you are too. Thanks guys, for being friends and good team members.
Almost done with Christmas shopping. I think the UPS guy is sick of my house.
So for our family Christmas present, I got us a new living room set - they're huge pillow chairs. I'll post a picture later when they're set of what they look like then, but I'm gonna post one at the bottom of them in the middle of my living room which looks so freakin' small with them in there right now.
I'd like to send a congrats out to my brother - he just got a new job, and I'm super excited for him and his family. Hope it's awesome, bro.
Cross your fingers, my momma has an interview tomorrow for a new one. Maybe it will be a great Christmas this year after all. Maybe we'll have some good memories for next year, since last years suck ass.
|Yeah - maybe you can't tell|
but they're HUGE
Monday, December 12, 2011
Don't do it.
Facial hair is fine, but the mustache is not. Please don't stop there, grow the whole goatee. As I get older, my tastes change about some things, but I'm sure that I do NOT know one single woman that wants her man's upper lip to have fur on it without the chin having it, too. If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me.
Now - If you look like either of these two men, and you have a mustache, it may work for you...
Friday, December 9, 2011
In the last few years, I have decided to become a different person. You know that old, "if you don't like something, then change it" saying. Well..I've worked to make me happier. I do realize that it's within me to be happy and I can not rely on anyone else to even help me with this.
So I went to a seminar yesterday, and anyone that knows or has heard of Dr. Kimberly Venus-Darks knows that her presentations are AMAZING. She's kind of an Evangelist of sorts, and I think she's wonderful. She opens up by having the group talk to their neighbors and repeat after her. Things like "I'm here for me, I'm not here for you." and "Sha, naa..na, na, na, na, na". She gives inspiration and talks about how things are and experiences she's had. She talks about things like the fact that as mother's we're raising our sons, but we're "TEACHING" our daughters.
One of the questions she asks in the seminar is if you do your thinking with your heart or your mind. I guess for me this was a hard question to answer. My heart is sure affected by a lot of things, but the bottom line is that I like the logic in most decisions and try to keep some of the emotion out of it. Why is it that once you let something emotional in, everything seems to spiral? I know that you're not my therapists, but GEEZZ..I'm a basket case inside sometimes.
Some of you will get this - and some of you won't -
Man, I'm having trouble with this year.
1. I don't expect her to want to be around me all the time, but I miss her, and when she pulls a date that I get to see her again a few months out, that about kills me. I know that we talk everyday, and I know that she has a boyfriend that she definitely likes to be with more than me, and I know that she gets a hard time from some people about wanting to be around me, and I know that she loves me dearly, but all these logical facts mean nothing when your heart aches. I decided a few months ago, that I would not push her to do anything in her life, instead I would just be there for her like a pillow to lie her head on. She will always be able to count on me, always. Whether that is from a distance, or right next door, I have her back and she knows it.
2. HATE is a strong word. So to say that you "don't hate me" isn't nice at all. I would prefer that NO one have strong enough emotions towards me in a negative way as to 'hate or not hate' me unless we've had a child together and I've left you or something. If you are reading this, then you are friggin' nuts, cuz you purposely tried to hurt me and succeeded. And yes, I do have emotions and I can be "hyper-sensitive" any darn time I want.
3. If you always do what you've always done, then you will always get what you have always got. If you want something that you have never had, then you need to do something that you have never done. If you always think the way you have always thought, then you will always get what you have always got.
4. Lemon, one of my orchids, is dying.
5. I'm going to be alone this Christmas morning...(Well not totally, I have my Neo...) Need to work on the bright side of that.
6. For the first time. . . I do NOT have a High A in this class, and it's killing me. I just now hit a 91% and that's before she marks things off on the next few assignments.
7. I've had bronchitis this week, and while I'm getting over it, I'm not sleeping well.
Okay - that was me bitching..
Now. . . . Breathe.... Breathe... I got most of it out..
I forgive you all..I will not take you home with me...I will not make you be the center of my evening. I will go home and smile and have a GREAT weekend.
there all better.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Some people in my life live in a special place stored just for them. My grandmother was one of these people and still is. It's gonna seem crazy to some of you that I remember this timeline exactly, but I do. Last year on November 1st, my Grandma was admitted into the hospital for a stomach ache and "lung ache" she had for a few months prior. She had been told that she had pleurisy before that and was instructed to take antibiotics. On November 9th the diagnosis of actual cancer. In the meantime, Gary's mom had been admitted into the hospital, and we found out at Zach's birthday party on Nov. 6th that she had cancer also. Anyway - long story short - my grandma died 2 days before Christmas and Gary's mom died on Christmas morning last year. I loved both of these women very much. June was so original and I could always see so much of her in my Neo. I still do. Gary - I'm sorry if you didn't want me to share any of this. I love you.
Anyone that knew me at the time of the divorce of my parents, knew that my grandparents were the people that kept me from breaking. I always thought that my Grandpa would go first, and I was prepared for that (well as much as I could be), but I never even really imagined losing our family matriarch. I wonder if this season will ever feel like it used to for me, with all the mystery, majesty and glory. I was seriously thinking of not putting up even a tree this year. When I was a kid, my Grandparents were snow birds but flew to CA every winter. When I'd see my Grandpa in the Summer, I believed with my whole heart that he was Santa. He resembled him so much, and I knew it was Santa on vacation. My Grandma had me convinced that Smurfs were real, and we hunted them. So many good memories.
Some of you may think that this is the only death that I've really been faced with, but no. My first cousin was killed in a crash when we were both 19. (Well he had just turned 20) He was 4 months older than me, and his death killed a little part of me. He and I grew up together and were very close, along with one of my best childhood friends, Ricky. We three kings did everything together. We grew up in the country and built forts and played hide and seek and lots and lots of wiffle ball and dodge ball. Death Hurts!
****I know this seems like a pitty me session...Not meaning to do that, but I do want you to stop and THINK...
I have been struggling lately with why people think it's necessary to hold any contempt or hatred in their heart for anyone. I know that was a little random, but really, if I've learned anything in the last 34 years, it has been that life is too short to not live your life to the fullest. This means that you need to enjoy or try to enjoy every minute of every experience. I remember a few years ago when I was at my great Uncle Bob's funeral. I remember thinking, I'm glad this isn't my Grandpa, and praying that it would never happen.
The one Truth that we all know is that everyone dies. What happens after death is uncertain, but while we live we can do as much as we can to love and be happy for ourselves and those around us. Mind you, I am a Christian and I do believe that I will see these people again.
I ask that if you're reading my blog, that you think about being truly (not just think it, and say it, but actually feel it) thankful for those in your life and for all the experiences you have. Learn from things, love people and cherish them.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
"If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather that flock together"
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
So, I know that Gary and I go through the same thing. He's quite a bit older and has had much more everyday life experience than I have. I know that there are times he wants to help me out of a pickle, but I don't want to listen. Partly because I'm stubborn, but also because I kind of like to make my mistakes and learn and grow from them. I'm not saying that I don't ever want his help, but lately, I think I'm realizing how often he just shuts up and lets me deal with it.
My kids are all old enough to go through a lot of the same situations that I once went through, and boy some of those are fun. Some of those times can be pretty scary, and its so hard as a parent to know that I can't jump in and help all the time. Not only would they push my advice away, but they also need to fall and FAIL. My mom got so hurt when I told her to let me live, and didn't take advice on things, and I get that. I will hopefully not ever feel that same way. Hopefully, I have learned that while some of what they do will be dangerous to their hearts and sometimes to their bodies, they will experience and go through stuff without me. Also, I hope they always see me as a cool mom who won't freak out if they do something crazy, but rather talk to them about it as an adult.
Yeah, that's right Jami - I remember all of our crazy adventures. You and I had a ton of fun, and did a quite a bit of learning together. We surely fell on our faces, but we also learned what good friendship is all about and how we don't have to hang together all the time to love each other. There were also the not so good moments, like when it came to driving in snow and having no money or food. I could mention all of the "firsts" that happened while I was with you, but I don't want to give that much. The truth is, I love our friendship, Jami - You and I can be away from each other for months, get together and we leave off right where we once were.
BTW..I love all of my friends, but no one was as crazy with me as Jami - so if I didn't mention you, don't have hurt feelings. I love you all. EVERY single one of you.
Monday, November 28, 2011
|Lemon and Blueberry|
Never really been a flower/jewelry type of girl. I could never see spending a lot of money on rocks or dead plants. To me it seems worthless. I am sure that I spend money on things that others would not like, but it's always been known to the guys that I've dated, that I don't want costly jewelry (won't wear it) or dead flowers. I never understood cut flowers anyway. I will occasionally wear a necklace, but i like to pick them out myself.
I've always been kind of mesmerized by Orchids. They seem unique and full of life. So a few months ago Jenn and I both picked out an orchid that we liked while we visited her. My initial thought was to get her something beautiful to take care of and make her happier. She had just moved and had some emotional struggles. I decided I'd go ahead and get myself one also and we could talk about how are orchids were doing over time. My first orchid, named "Lemon" was a beautiful yellow with hot pink centers. It has been so easy to care for and it's so alive. About a month ago, while shopping in Kroger, I saw the most magnificent blue orchid. Seriously he's gorgeous. I have named him "Blueberry" and yes, I talk to them and I love them. I'm also not sure why Lemon is a girl and Blueberry is a boy to me, but whatever that's just how it is. I had no idea that these gorgeous alive flowers could make me feel they way they do. They add a certain amount of peace to my life. I know that I'm going to get another one some day; I am very passionate about the orchid thing, and for me that's really strange. The plants are very interesting and there are so many different kinds, and some bloom all year. It's not like a tulip that has a bloom for a few days and withers up. I highly suggest that everyone own one orchid; name it and talk to it. You'll be surprised how much you love it.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
If you don't want something, just say it. If you don't like something, say it. If you'd rather do something else, say it. Don't wait and then make an excuse later explaining why you can't do something. Everyone knows that person, that waits til the last minute and backs out of everything. The person that doesn't want to really ride on a train for 4 hours, because they won't be able to smoke. Instead of them just saying, I really don't want to do that, they say yes, and then at the last minute they back out saying that their hips hurt and can hardly walk. Okay well you'll be riding a damn train, so you don't need to walk much to do that. I know that I'm being sort of flippant, but really, why make the excuse when the time comes. Is it fear? Is it that you really secretly decided weeks ago, when we made plans that you didn't want to come, and you just didn't say anything until my kid was supposed to meet you half way? I'm blogging this obviously because I'm upset with a certain person, but what's interesting is that I didn't even really want her to be around that much. She complains more and is more negative than anyone else I know. Not to mention, she's overall not a nice person most of the time. You know, it's weird, but I do love her despite all of that, and I'm sorry for her that she will once again miss out on all of the beautiful people in our family and lives.
I guess to all of you that are out there that are excuse makers (sorry Tommy about last night, but I didn't make an excuse) - You should be ashamed of yourselves, because you hurt people.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
So my day starts with my daughter's boyfriend being upset at me because I jokingly "threatened him". I figured anyone that knows me just a little bit knows that I am not dangerous in any way. I have no ill will towards anyone. I guess I didn't realize how much the situation had affected him. The other part of that is though that I don't beg for forgiveness from anyone - other than maybe my children. I didn't do harm to him, and I don't want to be over dramatic.
SIDE NOTE:Okay also ladies (and gentlemen) I don't believe that one person really ever TRUSTS another one fully to not break their heart. Come on, really? In this day and age, it happens all the time where someone more interesting is right around the corner and if that person is interested in you, too...things can happen...
But what I do believe is that we CAN choose to Believe our partner. Believe that they would never hurt you..Trust to me is just too big of a word. Believe that they wouldn't let someone get close enough to tempt them away from you. Actually I think I don't care for that 'Trust' word so much. I Trust in God. I believe in Gary to stay away from the tree. END SIDE NOTE!
Then I get to work and some people are really worked up here. I don't understand why one day is any more concerning than the rest around here. I also feel like certain people are only there to bring you down, so if you don't let them, YOU win. Calm down people. Tomorrow is another day, and then it's Turkey day. Be thankful and happy for what you have in your life.
btw..a comment every now and then lets me know who is reading these, and makes me smile so big - Jimmy Dean..;)
I love you all.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Guess what - just a few more days, and I get to hug my little girl. So excited about that.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
We removed carpets, sanded and fixed natural floors, put in laminate, painted, painted with Texture, even did drywall on some walls. Oh yeah, we removed a several layer floor in the bathroom too, and fixed that.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Okay so - a few obvious things overlooked in this article. Amazon has movies you can rent or buy for download by having a prime account. Amazon has an AMAZING app store with great apps and a free paid one of the day. Amazon has all kinds of things you can buy on the internet with free shipping with a Prime account. Let's face it people - Barnes and Nobles couldn't come close to compete with Amazon really.
Yes so Amazon has only 8GB of internal storage, but they give you the world with their cloud storage with a Prime account. It would be nice to have a longer battery life, but that's the only thing I see as being a one up with the Nook. Everything else is slightly comparable or Amazon has knocked them out of the park.
I will have mine in 9 days, and then I'll be able to comment more. Can't wait.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
So another thought for my presidency...
I watched the movie called "Arena" today. All in all, a decent enough movie. A great idea would be this - Death row inmates could fight each other to do death and it could be televised. This would do two things, one it would eliminate some of the need for larger prisons and two, maybe it would add some sort of aversion to being bad enough to go to prison. Maybe if people realized that we will let them kill each other in prison, then that one psycho will not murder the family, or whatever they were previously thinking of doing. If we're absolutely sure that someone did something that warrants them life in prison or death by lethal injection, why not televise them fighting another person that did some other horrible crime. The reason years ago that the government did the public hangings was to detour people from committing crimes, I'm just thinking this might have the same effect.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Android is an operating system, and I have a phone that has Android on it. I do NOT have a Droid, though. A Droid is a type of phone made by the manufacturer Motorola. They also do have the Android operating system on them.
Apple's iOS is on all of their devices, but they don't sell their OS or give it away to anyone. Google is COOL. They give their OS out to many manufacturer's, so my phone is an Atrix (much better than a Droid) and it runs an Android operating system and it's made by Motorola.
Back when I was a simpleton and had an iPhone I was confused by this, too. I would think though, that since Android's are becoming so popular - Apple's phones are only outselling Android devices by 9%....(check this article http://mashable.com/2010/11/02/iphone-android-nielsen/) - this would become more common knowledge. I am not kidding though that at least twice a week, someone says to me, "oh you have a Droid".
No, I do not have a Droid. I have a much superior phone to any of the Droid phones.
I read this back and wonder why this bothers me so much, but it does. My phone is more than just a phone or a smart device; it's an extension of me, I guess and it's awesome.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
For me, 12 years ago today, was both a tragic and a wonderful event.
I had been in the hospital last week, 12 years ago, for the whole week, with pre-eclampsia. After much complaining, the doctor sent me home on Halloween day to see my older two children go trick-or-treating. I didn't get to take them, of course, but I got to go home and be with them. The only symptom that I hadn't had at that point was protein in my urine, so I wasn't in immediate danger on October 31 (which that year, was a Sunday). I went home and laid on my left side to keep my BP from causing a stroke, with the instructions that on Nov. 2, I was to go in to see my OB at 10:30. David had just turned 8, and Jenn was 5. Jennifer was in Half day - afternoon kindergarten that year. Tuesday morning, I knew something was wrong. I had trouble going to the bathroom, and I told Brian that I was sure they were going to keep me, but he insisted that we take Jennifer with us to my 10:30 appt.
Without all the gory details, we were sent to St. Vincent's emergency room.
I remember that day so clearly. Everything happened quite quickly, and at 5:54pm, I had a wonderful 2lb, 10oz baby boy. He was 15inches long and had very wide bright eyes, and he looked like an old wise man with all his wrinkles. They wrapped him up and took him away from me. I remember many things from that evening. Bart Petersen became the mayor of Indy, Brian was a jerk and wouldn't go check on our son when I asked him, and my mother didn't want to leave my side. I felt so alone and miserable. He spent his first two days in the NICU, but his Mommy spent her's in an ICU room. Finally, when I was out of danger, I got to meet him. (not hold him, but meet him)
Christmas Eve, I got to bring my then 4lb 3oz, boy home from the hospital. It was a long, agonizing few months, but he's wonderful and mostly healthy. I am so blessed. I've loved a lot in my life, but there is no other love like that of my children.
Before David and Jennifer, I didn't even want children. I met them when they were 5 and 2. I immediately loved them, and my love grew and grew. I worried when I had Zach that there wouldn't be love for him left in me, but it was the most amazing thing. The love I have for them is alike but different, all three of them have a different kind of perfect, individual, unconditional love.
Zacheriah is 12 today. Happy Birthday, my sweet, wonderful young man.
Monday, October 31, 2011
I think that these days people would welcome an Apocalypse just to see if their plans worked out. Getting in my daughters car the other day and I noticed the MRE's in the back seat. I ask her why they were there and she said, "Well when the Zombie Apocalypse happens, I'll have food." I have to admit I like Zombie stuff, too. Watched all of season one of the Walking Dead this weekend. I understand loving Zombies, but I'm not sure how or when they became so popular. Nothing like running from a bunch of people turned brainless that do a lot of "urrgghhs", and walk slower than your grandma on a good day.
Halloween has always been my youngest son's favorite holiday. Last night he said, "I think it's weird that we have to go to school on Halloween." I think he's hilarious. He was watching a TV show last night and decided that someone in his room (Henry, our ghost) was watching him.
This is our first year for not trick-or-treating. We're handing out candy and trying to scare kids, I guess. Maybe baby Lucy will need me to Trick-or-Treat with her some day. I'm feeling quite old lately and I'm missing my babies being babies.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
People - WASH your hands. I can't handle being in the bathroom and seeing someone come out of a stall and walk out the door. That is totally gross, but lately I've even been more extreme about it. Like using the paper towel or my feet to open doors. I find you not washing offensive enough to want to punch you in the neck.
A few years back, 10 or so, I decided that going to buffet restaurants were not for me. I can't stand the idea of kids or adults sniffling over the food I might eat.
A year or so before that I decided that eating meat off of bones I was never doing again. I'll eat meat just fine, but if it is still on the bone, forget it. I was at the covered bridge festival and these two women were sharing a turkey leg. I swear they reminded me of barbarians and I decided that day that we have knives and forks and the store sells meat already off of the bone. I'm not a cavewoman, so I'll eat boneless. I have slight issues with watching anyone eat anything bone in, but I don't preach it ( I do realize that it's my weirdness).
Somewhere along the way, I decided that I do not like to share towels. I know that you're supposed to be clean after a shower, but sometimes, people aren't, and I do not want someone else's stink on my clean body. This actually goes along with another issue I have. Sometimes, when I'm in an enclosed space with a bunch of people I catch myself looking around and freaking out a bit about sharing air. I know it's dumb, but it is what it is. I start thinking about the air being sort of warm, and that maybe part of what I'm breathing in came out of someone else, and it totally creeps me out.
Before that, maybe when I was a small child, I don't know when or why it happened, but I have a major issue with feet. I do not like feet on people from about 7 years old on. This doesn't mean that I don't want people to wear flipflops around me or to be barefoot. All of that is fine, but touching or really looking at feet is totally yucky to me. Keep the feet to yourself.
Okay - Yeah - I have a bug guy come and spray my house once a month whether it's needed or not. I even have him treat outside a couple times a year. I can't handle bugs in my house. I don't mind them being in their own space, I don't want anyone to physically kill them around me, but bugs beware - my house is off limits to you. Not just bugs. Spiders, snakes, lizards, bugs...all of that creepy stuff..
I sure there are more of these things, but this is definitely enough for you to know about me right now.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
No place does it like Google. They're interesting and they don't waiver in that. The company puts my needs (yes MINE) first. I use almost every app they have. Google Docs, Gmail, G+, Google Calendar, Picasa, Latitude - keep it coming Google, I love you.
Second - I love Amazon.
Amazon is AMAZING. They have really been working hard on the one stop shopping idea. Music, Apps, Clothing, Food, Electronics. I can't wait to buy the new Kindle Fire from them. They have definitely lit my fire (not lame at all).
Third - Trader Joe's
I think I would marry Joe. He has so many original healthy items in his store. Me loves me some tasty healthy.
Fourth - I love Wabash National.
It's where I get my paycheck from, but it's more than that. It truly is a good company to work for.
Fifth - I love Plato's Closet.
I can always find nice jeans for Zach there, and they're typically really in style and cheap. Plus they stamp my card and every so often I get 20% off the whole purchase. Woot!
Sixth - I love Woot. I said Woot and thought of Woot.com.
I do check woot every single day. I love kids woot and the t-shirts. Nothing like Woot-off's to get me excited. Really good deals sometimes.
Next - Kohls - yeah I still love Kohls and Macy's but Kohls is cheaper.
Macy's is great - but way expensive sometimes and Kohls is well more my style. I love their sales, which they seem to always have.
Oh and there is Lovesac.com
I hope to outfit my living room with those babies someday. Lovesac are bean bags that are HUGE. I love them so much, but again a bit pricey.
I occasionally buy from overstock.com and zappos.com too
Great stores, both of them. Zappos gets a lot of attention, but Overstock is nice, too. Websites are really easy to maneuver.
Okay - last but not least - that I can think of right now - I love Apple.
I know - I'm an Android person totally, but Apple is pretty good for Simpletons, and I really would prefer to give Simpletons and simple phone. My mom can even work that phone, so there ya have it.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Do you ever feel like saying to everything and everyone "I'm just done with all of this" or "I'm tired of fighting the uphill battle of life"?
I remember when I was a young adult and my mom would give me advice or try to help, and I found it so annoying. I remember asking to move out when I was 17 and disappointing my parents so immensely, yet I didn't care. The two people who had actually loved me the most and cared for me the most, I hurt them without even thinking about it until years later. I can not imagine how my mother felt when I did some of the things I did back then. My parents had always treated me with respect and like I was an adult from a really young age. Once I actually could make decisions for myself, I wanted to make them all. I was invincible. Until I wasn't. Often times, I wish I could go back and listen to what they had to say, not just listen to them, but really hear them.
I give so much of myself to the people in my life, that I sometimes forget who I am. Until someone shakes me back to reality. I am a great me, and people are lucky to have me in their lives. I'm lucky to have them, too, but sometimes I think the others around me just take me for granted.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
So driving to Chicago always makes me think about toll roads. Why don't we charge for bypass roads all over the place instead of raising taxes. So if you choose to take the bypass then you pay a toll. This works for other things like that too. The government makes a lot of money off of ipass and i think they should do that other places. Offer a slight discount but your ipass auto refills at 30 bucks which they draw interest on. Imagine if 10000 people gave you their 30 bucks to bank. It just makes sense.
I've said this before but also i don't get why the government doesn't force our citizens to recycle. So let's say you buy a computer. My thoughts is that upon purchase you have to pay a disposal fee. This money would go to our trash company to pay them for proper disposal of whatever and then we as citizens just throw away everything. Any money that the trash company makes from recycled items would go back towards the staffing of the program. This still gives everyone choices. They can choose not to buy items if they don't want to pay for properly disposing of them.
So I had a crazy thought the other day. How do we know that eating our dead people doesn't have some great health benefits? How do we know that eating someone's brain wouldn't give us the wealth of their knowledge? I'm just saying, not doing.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Friday, October 21, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
I also think it has to be a stubbornness to change. *Thought Bubble* "I've always known this, so why should I change to something way more superior?"
I rarely say much to anyone about it, but every one that knows me knows that I'm a HUGE Google fan. I've had my Gmail account for a long time now (when it was still beta) thanks to my Gary. I just don't think people understand that a Google account means a free online account to basically everything needed to do anything. So, daily I can save my excel documents to my Google Docs, I can check my mail, I share calendars with people in my life, I can upload pictures for sharing to Picasa, I can create a quick and easy website, and most recently I can post to G+. And guess what, it's all in one place and it's so easy to use, even my mom can navigate it. I encourage you; I implore you, to change your computing experience forever.
Also you can include me in your circles on Google Plus, I'd love to have you. I'm probably more entertaining on here, but who knows.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Instead, I'd like to talk about why people say "lol" all the time. Really? You're really Laughing out Loud? If you really are laughing out loud as often as you type it, then there is something wrong, because you don't laugh out loud like that when we're actually talking.
Recently I decided to start putting a R before my LOL if I really did laugh. Also a GOL (as my daughter kindly pointed out, is not a lie), I do giggle out loud a lot while texting. I also thought of adding an "F" to my lol if I'm talking to someone that uses it a lot, in order to tell them that I just "Fake laughed out loud" like you are ever time you say it.
Another small issue I have with texting is 'kk' - What the hell does that mean? It's not short for OK cuz we're still typing two letters, and KK sounds really weird. Like a baby. I don't like mk either..cuz that's like ummm okay..why not just say k...
BTW...NO one actually ROTFL or ROTFLMAO - Those are just stupid. Stop using them. That's what I say, and if it were truly my world, everyone would stop it.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The song gets me going in the morning and well the lyrics seem to stick with me all day.
"You can do this, you can do this
You are not a lu, Lunatic
Crazy would be changing your mind."
Anyway it's such a catchy beautiful tune.
I think I like this song almost as much as Train's "Drops of Juipter".
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I'm gonna tell you some of the crazy things that I do to keep a smile on my bright face. I know they're dumb, but they tend to work for me.
- I make my bed, or well Gary does now, cuz he's there. Coming home to a fresh made bed always makes me feel relief.
- I look in the mirror and say "today is going to be a great day".
- I text my daughter.
- I try to stand up straight (almost stretch it's so straight) once or twice a day.
- Listen to a happy song.
- Imagine my happy place.
- Drink some tea.
- Spend some quality time with my phone.
- Laugh with Zach.
- Go on a date with the man.
- Listen to an audio book.
- Find the love around me - it's everywhere.
I encourage you to think of the things that keep you happy and positive. Write a list.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Oh the frustration.
Friday, October 7, 2011
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Your cheeks were so chubby and your eyes so blue. You weren’t wholly mine, yet it felt so like you were. I remember the thought, “you’re making her like you, even the weird stuff.”
Zelda was my bonding tool with you. I knew when you were young that you were a gamer at heart, and we played until the game was complete. I remember thinking, “I will come to your level and then you’ll love me as much as anyone.”
Time has passed.
In the blink of an eye, everything changed.
The lesson that I’ve learned from the experiences we’ve had, is that we never stop. The love is and always will be, but everyone moves on and changes and grows.
I look into your big brown eyes that I’m only looking down an inch at, and I think, “I’m so proud of the boy you are, and the man you’re becoming.”
The once chubby and now slim face of my young woman is so loving and careful not to upset. I often think, “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”
The young man that is still playing games, but getting ready to join the military, I wonder..”Will you ever know how much I love you?”