Wednesday, December 28, 2011

New Year's resolutions

Years go by so quickly now.  I remember when I was a kid and feeling like the school year dragged on and on.  I actually really remember a time in 6th grade when I thought, wow, this year has gone by kind of quickly.  From then on, every year zoomed by.  I guess the saying "Time flies when you're having fun" is true, but even when things were not so fun over the years, time has flown by.
I can actually see a few age wrinkles under my eyes.  Anyway..
I said a few days ago that I don't do "resolutions" to someone very close to me.  This is not true, so I need to recant that statement.  The truth is, I always do resolutions, but they usually aren't based on the new year.  I quit smoking one year for a New Year's Resolution.  I didn't say that was what it was, but I had my last smoke right before midnight.  I had/have a pair of jeans that I love, I made a resolution one year (not at New Years) to fit into them.  I did too..but. . . I don't now (fit into them that is).
I guess I do have a few resolutions I'm working on right now.  I'll share them, but I haven't before, so . . . Here goes.
Number 1. I am learning to not take things personally.  Everyone is living their lives and are living in their own world.  If someone is upset with me or jealous or whatever, that's not my problem it's theirs.  I can just live my life and love those around me.  I can't change others.
Number 2.  I'm working towards my the Bachelor's now, but I can't wait to be working on the MBA..
Number 3.  I will be happy and exude happiness more often than any other emotion.
Number 4.  I need to wear those jeans again.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Christmas and stuff...

I hope you all had a great Christmas this year.  I unexpectedly had a great one.  Zach came home at 1 and Jenn showed up about 5:30.  Jennifer wasn't planned until Thursday evening, when she told me that she didn't have anything else going on from Christmas evening until the 29th.  So, I got super uber excited, but we didn't tell Zach.  He has a rough time of missing her anyway, and surprising him is tons of fun.
We acted like we were ordering a "dessert pizza" when she was about 30 minutes from home, and then when she got there Gary went out to get the "pizza" while Zach and I waited in the living room.  She walked in and I swear it took Zach a full minute to comprehend who she was.  The light bulb went off and he freaked out.  It was priceless as always.  
Definitely missed some people this year, but it was nice to have two of my kids together with me under one roof again, even if it is only for a short time.  I do enjoy them all very much.
Okay - Movie review time. . . Jenn/Zach/I went to see "The Darkest Hour" - Yep..good movie, but a little far fetched, like it the middle of the movie there are a bunch of Russians that just have missile guns..where'd they get them, and also . . . If you can hide behind glass then why not build some glass shields quickly or something. I have a problem with expendables in movies, too..You all know who they are..those people that are just annoying and you kind of are wishing they'd get eaten by something right away.   I know you have to have people like that, but the ones in this movie were ridiculous.  
"Mr. Poppers Penguins" This movie surprised me...It was pretty good. It did leave me wanting a Penguin even if I don't like Jim Carrey.
The new "Girl with a Dragon Tattoo"...whhoooaaa..K, so this is rated R for a reason.  Be careful if you are at all squeamish.  There really are some intense scenes.  Zach did not see this one, and thank goodness.  Good movie and I love the story line, but it might have been just as good minus a few scenes.  And I do not think that i am AT ALL conservative. 
"Columbiana" - Another really good movie, probably my favorite this weekend.  It was revenge centered, but the girl (Zoe Saldana) was awesome.  I also am all about orchids, and she draws an orchid (Cattleya flower) on people when she kills them. 
Some cool orchid pictures - I want a unique one..


Thursday, December 22, 2011

Happy Holidays - from Android

Another Traumatic Event . . .


It seems like a lot of you liked the 'Eye' post, so I figured I'd go with another event in my life that was totally nuts, and completely unforgettable.
A lot of people know that my son, Zacheriah, was a preemie baby. He was born when I was in my 30th week of pregnancy, and was only 2lbs 10ozs.  A few months ago, I would have told you that he hardly has had any major problems from this, but now we do have some colon problems.  (quite honestly, he's probably always had them, but it's just gotten worse)  Zach is 12 now, and for the most part, he's healthy and happy and taller than most kids his age.  He's also completely beautiful, see the pictures below.  I am very very thankful to be his mother.

Gorgeous 3 year old
So, when I was about 16 weeks along, my doctor told me that I had high blood pressure and that the swelling already starting in my legs was a good indication that I was going to have pre-eclampsia.  Of course, I was sick a lot, but I figured that it was just pregnancy.  About 3 weeks later, I was put on partial bed rest and asked to sleep on my left side.  I did that, and was started on a mild BP medication.  At 22 weeks, I was asked to go on full bed rest for the entirety of the pregnancy, and I didn't do it.  Well, I had just started a job at At-A-Glance, and had some huge development projects in the works, when I found out I was pregnant, and I didn't feel like ti was fair to them for me to just cut out.   Also, though, bed rest for 18 weeks, NO WAY.  That is nutty.  I was sure I could not do that.  I did try to take care of myself, but I thought the bed rest thing was kinda ridiculous, because for the most part, I still felt not so bad. 
At week 27, I felt really bad one night, and went to the hospital.  I was sure I was going to die, and when we showed up at the hospital my BP was 210/115 and immediately they admitted me.  I was in there for what seemed like forever, but really about 10 days.  I missed my older kids, so badly, and it was close to Halloween, and I just wanted to go home to be with them.  They went ahead at 28 weeks and gave Zacheriah steroids for his lungs while he was still in utero.  They let me go home on October 31st, 1999 with the understanding that I was to go to my doctor at 10am on the following Tuesday, Nov. 2 for a follow up and urine check.  The final piece of the pre-eclampic puzzle was they were waiting on protein in the urine.  Well, when I got home on the 31st, I could tell that my urine was thicker, and by Tues. morning, I was peeing jelly, seriously.  
My Dr. Appt on the 2nd, was quick..she did a catheter in her office, and immediately sent me to St. Vincents.  So, by 11, I was admitted again into St. Vincents, which was definitely becoming like a home.  They left me in the emergency department all day, and my doctor came in about 2 to tell me (after about 50 ultrasounds) that they were taking him out that day.  Everything went so quickly from there.   I did some arguing, but apparently St. Vincents is a hospital that was about saving my life over the life of my unborn child, which made my mom happy, but not me at all.  Now, once he was born they were miracle workers, so I can't complain too much.  I remember having a killer BP headache and they gave me some morphine, yeah, while I was pregnant, and then they got concerned cuz Zach stopped moving around very much..I thought that was silly, because I stopped moving around much too..This one doctor kept hitting my belly with a hammer that they normally would use on your knees.  
Magnesium Sulfate - OH GROSS.  That was horrid.  They didn't explain it real well, or why they were giving it to me, they told me I might start to get a headache and they put the bed in a position where my feet were higher than my head.  I thought I might DIE for about an hour or so then.  My face got so hot, well I got so hot, it was bad...
Then they gave me the spinal block.  The anesthesiologist comes in and tells me that this won't hurt a bit, since I had been poked and prodded everywhere.  He was a fridgin' liar.  It hurt...It hurt a lot and I cursed and told him so.  Well then everything below my chest went completely numb and quickly.  My dad grabbed my foot when he came in and I remember thinking, what is that lump he has a hold of...yeah, it was me..
Delivery - Felt like I couldn't breath in there, which was because of the spinal, but of course, it was a rush, so no one explained it really well.  The anesthesiologist was a moron, and he was dancing to Kenny G while I was screaming at him that I couldn't breath okay.  After some details I'm purposely leaving out, my boy was born looking like a wrinkly old man, but he cried pretty quick.  (5:54pm)  I was still an emergency they told me, so the sewed me up, and took me back to ICU, and I didn't see my kid for 2 days.  I did get Polaroid pictures, which were size misleading.
When I was wheeled into the NICU two days later, I thought he was the kid on the warmer next to the incubator that he was actually in, and my immediate thought was, "that's not nearly as bad as people were letting on."  I'll save the NICU experience for another blog, cuz I'm tired of typing.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

My Eyes - As promised. . .

When I was 14, an eye doctor mentioned to me once that I had strange retinas.  I had no idea what that meant, but neglected my eyes for years after that.  When I started working at Wabash, I went to a local optometrist, and he told me I had histoplasmosis in my eyes pretty bad.  He explained to me that while it was laying dormant, that it could flare up at any time and render me virtually blind.
Check this out here http://www.nei.nih.gov/health/histoplasmosis/histoplasmosis.asp#1 for more details.  My optometrist recommended an ophthalmology for a second opinion on what was happening in my eyes. So my first visit to Lafayette Eye Center followed.
At my first visit with Dr. David Magnante (he's cool, if you know who I'm talking about), he left the room after saying "Wow!" and came back with another doctor to show him "How cool my eyes were"...Okay so, NO ONE wants to hear when they go to a specialist that they have something "cool" - most generally this means it's new to them or something unusual.  He told me that day that I have a form of retinal deterioration that causes holes and in my retina, and while "yes" I do have histoplasmosis, this was no where as concerning as the holes and how they could detach my retina.  This was the first definition "You're retinas are full of craters"  apparently a few of the holes had a lot of fluid behind them and I needed to have an emergency procedure done with lasers to correct it.  So my first visit there, I had two head ensuing laser treatments.  What they do during these procedures, is strap your head into a contraption where you can't move (chin on a chin rest with laser machine in front of you), they give you some numbing drops in your eyes and shoot a green laser straight into your eye through a lense that they place directly on your eyeball.
I had many follow up visits and a LOT of those treatments.
Pretty soon (three years later or so), Dr. Magnante moved to Unity and I went to see him up there for one of my regular visits.  That day, Dr. Magnante had Dr. Gary Schraut in his office for a visit also.  It was then another show and tell moment for me, when they both talked about again "how cool" my eyes were.  So, I became a patient of Dr. Schraut.  He is actual a retina specialist at the Retina Clinic in Lafayette.  (I've noticed that besides me, he only sees old patients- guess most people don't have these issues this young)  On one of my normal visits to Dr. Schraut, he decided it would be best to just laser around my whole eye.
If you are squeamish to my story at all so far, you may want to stop reading now.  So this day I went to see him and he explained to me that there were a lot of holes and he was tired of treating them individually, plus there was one hole in particular that was in a really hard to reach place with the laser.  He explained to me that he would have to freeze this particular hole, and in order to do all of this he would need to put my eye to sleep.  Guess how they do that?  Ok, so they give you a shot with a HUGE needle that is "dull by design" in the back of your eye nerve.  In order to get to your eye nerve they must stick the needle up under your eye and all the way to the back.  Yeah that's right, and you ask, is this painful?  Okay well, I say to that, I would rather have a few more children then EVER do that again.  What even made this horribly worse, was that I had to do it a second time a few weeks later for the other eye.  When the "dull needle" passes through gristley parts of underneath your eye, it crunches in your head....oh it's making me cringe just recalling it.
Anyway, so, he didn't explain to me that freezing your eye..means to touch your eye with liquid nitrogen which  even though your eye is totally asleep meaning you can't open it at all, gives you a frozen headache worse than you can EVER imagine.  Also the healing time on that eye was like 4 days.  It looked horrible and infected.
Okay..the cool thing about the eye asleep shot, is as your eye is waking back up, you can look in a direction and the other eye slowly scans the room.  VERY creepy, but it was pretty funny.  Zach made tons of fun of his Momma.
I think I pretty well covered it.  I've said it before and I'll say it again, my parents should not have had children, their genes did not mix well.  At least not with me; my bro is pretty okay tho.

Monday, December 19, 2011

I love Technology...seriously

I know . . .I know..
It's good that I am a geek, but some days, I am so so tempted to go buy a new phone.  I don't need one..I just want every new stinkin' device that comes out.  I have started letting all the little children play with my phone with the mindset that if they break it or drop it or whatever, then it's an omen that it's time for a new phone.  I want ice cream sandwich, too, but I'm not willing to switch from ATT so I guess I'll be wanting for a few months.
I had an assignment for this new class, Organizational Behaviors, to talk about what I see happening in 5-25 years with behaviors in organizations.  I found this somewhat difficult, and kept going over what has happened in the last 5-25 years with technology.  I can only imagine how technology will influence changed behaviors.  I suppose there will be much more connectivity to the workplace from anywhere, if that is possible.  I like how in the last 5 years my job has changed so that if it is necessary it is quite possible for me to seamlessly work from home or the ball field, imagine how in the future maybe we won't even have to have physical locations.  I can see the good and the bad with that.  I am a social person, so I can see missing out on interaction with non-verbal ques.  Already there are quite a few misunderstandings because of text and email.
So this reminded me of the first time I had a truly euphoric feeling about technology in general.  So, I have this retina disease that I've had many surgeries for. Basically, it could detach and does in certain areas and so I have to have it tacked back to the wall of my eyes from time to time.  There is much more to this..and I could go into some yucky details, but that's for another blog...maybe tomorrow...Anyway, everyone who has ever had to explain it to me, tells me that my eyes look like swiss cheese with all the holes.  I went to see my regular eye doctor a year ago, and he asked me if I wanted pictures taken...Seriously, I have them, so i will post them in another blog...but . . .he took pictures of the INSIDE of my eye and emailed them to me.  He also took pictures of my sons so that I could compare.  I remember feeling like...NO FREAKING WAY...that is so cool..
Imagine the global impact with all of the technology that is heading our way.  And Whoa can you think of the houses computer systems..it really could be like Hawaii Five O...where they have the virtual air projection that they can slide with a hand movement.  Well actually we already have this technology with the XBox 360 Kinect.  Yeah that's right, I have one of those, too.  My kid is a bit spoiled and he likes gadgets and games, too, but he gets it honestly.  Also, I can't really blame him, because I buy them for me to play with sometimes, too.  Almost salivating about his Christmas gifts.  I was going to open them ahead of time and play them while he was gone, but nah..i can wait.  I'm also anxiously awaiting the new Wii technology.  Nintendo is freaking awesome.

Wonder if the new iPhone 5 will have 3D capability?  I really like the look of the new RAZR..yeah that was a bit random, but that's what the whole blog is.  I am quite random, and you don't know the half of how scary that is.

OH BTW - I got a new flower last night.  It's another orchid, of course...I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!  I named him Punkin...and  . . He's pink and yellow, but I feel like he's a him, so he is.  I'll post a picture after I take one.  He is very zen feeling.  I walked by him at Kroger and had to have him.  I wish I could explain how much I liked orchids.  They are absolutely wonderful.

Friday, December 16, 2011

That is all. . . .

me loves me some Android
http://androidandme.com/2011/12/news/googles-response-to-siri-is-codenamed-majel-could-be-released-by-end-of-year/

I just had to post that.

Nik - I got the bags from overstock and I think Gary and I will be fine being home alone Christmas morning.

So...have you ever been feeling something down deep and you didn't even realize the emotions you had about it until you started talking about it, and then it was like the flood gates opened?
I really miss my Dad.  I guess I didn't realize how much I was missing him until I tried to tell him that last night.   I am a blubbering fool sometimes, and I'm good with it.

I think sometimes a good cry is healthy.  I wonder how many men really cry when we're not looking.  I would rather the crying be when I'm not looking though, I don't know why, but I really don't like to see men cry.  It's okay if someone dies, but not about the stuff I cry about.  You know - - as I'm typing this , I'm thinking wow..how wrong is that?  Seriously, I want to be treated as an equal to a man at work, but . . . I don't want men to cry, because they should be tougher than that.  Strange realization.  I also just realized . . . I sometimes answer my feelings with "it's okay, I'm a girl"...hmm..something to think about..I'll bet men would rather I cry when they aren't looking too though..

I love water.  No, I mean I really love water.  I remember when I was younger and I used to feel like 'yuck, water'...  How is it that now, I crave it?  I guess that's good.  I like tea, too, but water - good ice cold water - is so fantastic.  Of course, I love red wine, too.  Last night, in the middle of the night, I got up and drank like two full glasses of cold water, and I went back to sleep thinking about how wonderful water is.
I had the most interesting dream, too.  I swear sometimes my dreams could be movies.  So, I was like in the third person and watching these army guys get blown up by alien forces.  Somehow these two guys took off running up a hill only to see tons of people that looked Zombiefied walking down the hill.  One of the guys walked into this webbing stuff and then started to lose his mind and become also Zombie like, and his friend pulled him out of the stuff and he regained his mojo and they both ran away.  Anyway, long dream short - There were these aliens that took over the world, but they couldn't invade certain towns for some reason.  The white stuff was surrounding plants and made people lose their minds, but if you got them to a town where the aliens were they regained their senses.  Also the AM radio stations were somehow turning people into Zombies and would brainwash them into going out of the towns to get captured, but FM stations were off limits to the aliens somehow.  There was a family I kinda followed and some running guy that was getting in shape to take on the aliens because they killed most of the military..  I woke up thinking..wow..good dream, maybe I could have that one again sometime.  I know, right?  I know what you're thinking, but I'm not a total lunatic, just a tad crazy.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

This is one of those - I'm happy days.

I'm not quite sure.  Nothing extremely good happened today, and nothing really bad either.  I'm just really content with my life right now.  I did get an 'A' in this Negotiation Class and I didn't have negotiate for it.  I really felt like this one might fall to a 'B'.  I had trouble sleeping last night, nervous things would go bad with a meeting today, but thanks to my buddy, Josh, and a very supportive Support Center (I love my employees) - all went very well.
I know that I'm really open about saying "I love you" so it's hard for people to know when they're special to me. It's hard for me to single out people, because a lot of people are really special to me.  Josh - you're def. one of the good ones.  Ron - I know I give you shit, but you are too.  Thanks guys, for being friends and good team members.
Almost done with Christmas shopping.  I think the UPS guy is sick of my house.
So for our family Christmas present, I got us a new living room set - they're huge pillow chairs.  I'll post a picture later when they're set of what they look like then, but I'm gonna post one at the bottom of them in the middle of my living room which looks so freakin' small with them in there right now.
I'd like to send a congrats out to my brother - he just got a new job, and I'm super excited for him and his family.  Hope it's awesome, bro.
Cross your fingers, my momma has an interview tomorrow for a new one.  Maybe it will be a great Christmas this year after all.  Maybe we'll have some good memories for next year, since last years suck ass.

Joshua King

Yeah - maybe you can't tell
but they're HUGE
Remember - I LOVE YOU!

Monday, December 12, 2011

My take on the Mustache . . .

Please oh please..
Don't do it.
Facial hair is fine, but the mustache is not.  Please don't stop there, grow the whole goatee.  As I get older, my tastes change about some things, but I'm sure that I do NOT know one single woman that wants her man's upper lip to have fur on it without the chin having it, too.  If I'm wrong, please feel free to correct me.

Now - If you look like either of these two men, and you have a mustache, it may work for you...


But . . . if you look like. . . . . 



Now - I do like the full version - very much. . . 


I always love feedback, so if you disagree for any reason, please tell me all about it.

Love ya all.
Jess


Friday, December 9, 2011

Not feeling it. . .

I haven't been feeling the "blog" thing lately.  I'm not really sure why, but it's been hard for me to think of things to talk about.  Probably hasn't helped that I've been not feeling good for a while now.  I do NOT like cold weather.
In the last few years, I have decided to become a different person.  You know that old, "if you don't like something, then change it" saying.  Well..I've worked to make me happier.  I do realize that it's within me to be happy and I can not rely on anyone else to even help me with this.
So I went to a seminar yesterday, and anyone that knows or has heard of Dr. Kimberly Venus-Darks knows that her presentations are AMAZING.  She's kind of an Evangelist of sorts, and I think she's wonderful.  She opens up by having the group talk to their neighbors and repeat after her.  Things like "I'm here for me, I'm not here for you." and "Sha, naa..na, na, na, na, na".  She gives inspiration and talks about how things are and experiences she's had.  She talks about things like the fact that as mother's we're raising our sons, but we're "TEACHING" our daughters.
One of the questions she asks in the seminar is if you do your thinking with your heart or your mind.  I guess for me this was a hard question to answer.  My heart is sure affected by a lot of things, but the bottom line is that I like the logic in most decisions and try to keep some of the emotion out of it.  Why is it that once you let something emotional in, everything seems to spiral?  I know that you're not my therapists, but GEEZZ..I'm a basket case inside sometimes.
Some of you will get this - and some of you won't -
Man, I'm having trouble with this year.
1.  I don't expect her to want to be around me all the time, but I miss her, and when she pulls a date that I get to see her again a few months out, that about kills me.  I know that we talk everyday, and I know that she has a boyfriend that she definitely likes to be with more than me, and I know that she gets a hard time from some people about wanting to be around me, and I know that she loves me dearly, but all these logical facts mean nothing when your heart aches.  I decided a few months ago, that I would not push her to do anything in her life, instead I would just be there for her like a pillow to lie her head on.  She will always be able to count on me, always.   Whether that is from a distance, or right next door, I have her back and she knows it.
2.  HATE is a strong word.  So to say that you "don't hate me" isn't nice at all.  I would prefer that NO one have strong enough emotions towards me in a negative way as to 'hate or not hate' me unless we've had a child together and I've left you or something.  If you are reading this, then you are friggin' nuts, cuz you purposely tried to hurt me and succeeded.  And yes, I do have emotions and I can be "hyper-sensitive" any darn time I want.
3. If you always do what you've always done, then you will always get what you have always got.  If you want something that you have never had, then you need to do something that you have never done.  If you always think the way you have always thought, then you will always get what you have always got.
4.  Lemon, one of my orchids, is dying.
5.  I'm going to be alone this Christmas morning...(Well not totally, I have my Neo...) Need to work on the bright side of that.
6.  For the first time. . . I do NOT have a High A in this class, and it's killing me.  I just now hit a 91% and that's before she marks things off on the next few assignments.
7.  I've had bronchitis this week, and while I'm getting over it, I'm not sleeping well.

Okay - that was me bitching..
Now. . . . Breathe....  Breathe... I got most of it out..
I forgive you all..I will not take you home with me...I will not make you be the center of my evening.  I will go home and smile and have a GREAT weekend.
there all better.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

my kids

While I want one to be 18 soon, I also wish they would all stop getting older.  Just pause....Take a break...
I miss the little things...

This time last year. . .

I have a hard time with reflections sometimes.  As I age, and it's happening rapidly, I remember the bad things sometimes more than the good things.  Last year at this time, I was having a really really rough time.
Some people in my life live in a special place stored just for them.  My grandmother was one of these people and still is.  It's gonna seem crazy to some of you that I remember this timeline exactly, but I do.  Last year on November 1st, my Grandma was admitted into the hospital for a stomach ache and "lung ache" she had for a few months prior.  She had been told that she had pleurisy before that and was instructed to take antibiotics. On November 9th the diagnosis of actual cancer.  In the meantime, Gary's mom had been admitted into the hospital, and we found out at Zach's birthday party on Nov. 6th that she had cancer also.  Anyway - long story short - my grandma died 2 days before Christmas and Gary's mom died on Christmas morning last year.  I loved both of these women very much.  June was so original and I could always see so much of her in my Neo.  I still do.  Gary - I'm sorry if you didn't want me to share any of this.  I love you.
Anyone that knew me at the time of the divorce of my parents, knew that my grandparents were the people that kept me from breaking.  I always thought that my Grandpa would go first, and I was prepared for that (well as much as I could be), but I never even really imagined losing our family matriarch. I wonder if this season will ever feel like it used to for me, with all the mystery, majesty and glory.  I was seriously thinking of not putting up even a tree this year.   When I was a kid, my Grandparents were snow birds but flew to CA every winter.  When I'd see my Grandpa in the Summer, I believed with my whole heart that he was Santa.  He resembled him so much, and I knew it was Santa on vacation.  My Grandma had me convinced that Smurfs were real, and we hunted them.  So many good memories.
Some of you may think that this is the only death that I've really been faced with, but no.  My first cousin was killed in a crash when we were both 19.  (Well he had just turned 20)  He was 4 months older than me, and his death killed a little part of me.  He and I grew up together and were very close, along with one of my best childhood friends, Ricky.  We three kings did everything together.  We grew up in the country and built forts and played hide and seek and lots and lots of wiffle ball and dodge ball.  Death Hurts!
****I know this seems like a pitty me session...Not meaning to do that, but I do want you to stop and THINK...
I have been struggling lately with why people think it's necessary to hold any contempt or hatred in their heart for anyone.  I know that was a little random, but really, if I've learned anything in the last 34 years, it has been that life is too short to not live your life to the fullest.  This means that you need to enjoy or try to enjoy every minute of every experience.  I remember a few years ago when I was at my great Uncle Bob's funeral.  I remember thinking, I'm glad this isn't my Grandpa, and praying that it would never happen.
The one Truth that we all know is that everyone dies.  What happens after death is uncertain, but while we live we can do as much as we can to love and be happy for ourselves and those around us.  Mind you, I am a Christian and I do believe that I will see these people again.
I ask that if you're reading my blog, that you think about being truly (not just think it, and say it, but actually feel it) thankful for those in your life and for all the experiences you have.  Learn from things, love people and cherish them.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Train. . . . . That is all..

Listening to some Google music and had this thought...Train lyrics are so wonderful.  I seriously have a thing for Train.  This is how I feel about Train:
"If it's love
And we decide that it's forever
No one else could do it better
If it's love
And we're two birds of a feather
Then the rest is just whenever
And if I'm addicted to loving you
And you're addicted to my love too
We can be them two birds of a feather that flock together"



Not much to say today - Not feeling great..Have a wonderful day to all!

Hugs to all...

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Falling on your face. . .

I learn every day.  Experiences are so wonderful.  I know at the time that it's happening bad things do not FEEL wonderful, but they all make you the perfect "you" that you are.  I have done so many stupid things in my life, but something great has developed from almost every one of those stupid things.  It is interesting to see other people making the same mistakes I once made, and I want to tell them, "oh don't do that, I have been there and I failed miserably", but if I were to tell them any of that, I would be disturbing the natural balance of learning from it, and those people might not be as wonderful later because of the experience they missed. (sorry about the horrible run-on sentence, but I had to get it all out at once)
So, I know that Gary and I go through the same thing.  He's quite a bit older and has had much more everyday life experience than I have.  I know that there are times he wants to help me out of a pickle, but I don't want to listen.  Partly because I'm stubborn, but also because I kind of like to make my mistakes and learn and grow from them.  I'm not saying that I don't ever want his help, but lately, I think I'm realizing how often he just shuts up and lets me deal with it.
My kids are all old enough to go through a lot of the same situations that I once went through, and boy some of those are fun.  Some of those times can be pretty scary, and its so hard as a parent to know that I can't jump in and help all the time.  Not only would they push my advice away, but they also need to fall and FAIL.  My mom got so hurt when I told her to let me live, and didn't take advice on things, and I get that. I will hopefully not ever feel that same way.  Hopefully, I have learned that while some of what they do will be dangerous to their hearts and sometimes to their bodies, they will experience and go through stuff without me. Also, I hope they always see me as a cool mom who won't freak out if they do something crazy, but rather talk to them about it as an adult.
Yeah, that's right Jami - I remember all of our crazy adventures.  You and I had a ton of fun, and did a quite a bit of learning together.  We surely fell on our faces, but we also learned what good friendship is all about and how we don't have to hang together all the time to love each other.  There were also the not so good moments, like when it came to driving in snow and having no money or food.  I could mention all of the "firsts" that happened while I was with you, but I don't want to give that much.  The truth is, I love our friendship, Jami - You and I can be away from each other for months, get together and we leave off right where we once were.
BTW..I love all of my friends, but no one was as crazy with me as Jami - so if I didn't mention you, don't have hurt feelings.  I love you all.  EVERY single one of you.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Flowers and Jewelry

Lemon and Blueberry


Never really been a flower/jewelry type of girl. I could never see spending a lot of money on rocks or dead plants.  To me it seems worthless.  I am sure that I spend money on things that others would not like, but it's always been known to the guys that I've dated, that I don't want costly jewelry (won't wear it) or dead flowers.  I never understood cut flowers anyway. I will occasionally wear a necklace, but i like to pick them out myself.
I've always been kind of mesmerized by Orchids.  They seem unique and full of life.  So a few months ago Jenn and I both picked out an orchid that we liked while we visited her.  My initial thought was to get her something beautiful to take care of and make her happier.  She had just moved and had some emotional struggles.  I decided I'd go ahead and get myself one also and we could talk about how are orchids were doing over time. My first orchid, named "Lemon" was a beautiful yellow with hot pink centers.  It has been so easy to care for and it's so alive.  About a month ago, while shopping in Kroger, I saw the most magnificent blue orchid. Seriously he's gorgeous.  I have named him "Blueberry" and yes, I talk to them and I love them.  I'm also not sure why Lemon is a girl and Blueberry is a boy to me, but whatever that's just how it is.  I had no idea that these gorgeous alive flowers could make me feel they way they do.  They add a certain amount of peace to my life.  I know that I'm going to get another one some day; I am very passionate about the orchid thing, and for me that's really strange.  The plants are very interesting and there are so many different kinds, and some bloom all year.  It's not like a tulip that has a bloom for a few days and withers up.  I highly suggest that everyone own one orchid; name it and talk to it.  You'll be surprised how much you love it.
Blueberry
Lemon

Friday, November 25, 2011

My Thanksgiving

Even though I missed a few people.  (Dad, Donna and the Kids and Nikki, Kenny and the kids and David)  I think this was one of my favorite Thanksgiving's ever.  
I really, really love my sister-in-law for hosting and for extending her family to include Gary's sons and their families.  I love having so many people I cherish in one place.  So Sarah asked us all to mention the first thing that came to mind that we were all Thankful for.  I struggled with this, because my mind is a tricky thing, and the first thing and the last thing all jumble a lot.
Nanette and Will - Thanks for raising such beautiful, wonderful daughters and I love you guys.  It's really nice to get together as often as we do, and I feel that I've (and my children) are growing very close to you.  We have a truly interesting situation, and I love it so much.
Jennifer and Zach and David- I love you more than I can ever say.  You know this.  You are my sweets and it's so awesome to have you around.  David - you're always loved and missed my boy.
Sarah - Thanks for an awesome Thanksgiving and for making me the most proud aunt EVER.  You have become one of my best friends and I love you so much.
Roy -  Ah...what can i say..I love you, bro.  That beer was the best I think I've ever tasted, you beat Blue Moon for me.
Gary - You're the love of my life, and I'm always so so Thankful to have you.  You ARE my Neo.
Tommy and beautiful babies - I am so totally thankful to have such an accepting family, I love you and hope all the happiness for you forever.  I'll always be around for you, like you've been for me.  Taylor and Anna - Just Jess loves you very much.  Both of you are so beautiful and special and your parents are totally lucky to have you.
Katie - You're a gorgeous and determined girl, and a wonderful aunt and sister.  I'm very Thankful to have you in my life and also to have you be the sister that Sarah loves so much.  
Mom - Hmmm.  You are phenomenal, gorgeous and wonderful.  I'm so glad you were blessed with me (joke), nah I'm so glad that I have you as a Mom.  I remember when I was younger and my friends would say, I wish your Mom was mine, and I remember thinking "I've never wanted any other mom..that's weird."
Dad - You're the reason for my career.  You're the reason for my personality and I love you as much as always, I also miss you very much and I love you always.
Donna and kids - I'm Thankful to have another extension.  I'm thankful that Zach has found a best friend in you and that I have some great step-siblings and I hope that Ashley gets better really soon.  
JD - I'm addressing you because I know you read this - I love you family as though it were truly my own.  I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and I hope to get together with you all soon.
Jami - You are one of my best friends and I cherish you dearly.  We need to do something.  Thanks for being there for me always.  :)
Nikki - Missed you at the dinner - love you and the girls - happy to see you soon.  I'm happy to have you all in my life and I'm thankful that you and I have gotten to the understandings that we have.  Love you babe.  Your girls are wonderful and gorgeous and I'm very thankful for them too...Kenny too I guess.
Okay this is ridiculous - I thought I'd be able to do this, but I am very thankful for so many things.
My IWU cohort - I'm thankful for most of them..really getting close to a few.
My staff - They are the best.  I couldn't ask for a better team.
My co-workers - It's nice to be in the place we are all together.  I'm very glad to be a part of that team.
Collin - I'm glad my baby finds happiness with you.
Amber - I am Thankful to have gotten to know you so well.  Thanks for being good for David.
Brian/Kelly-Thanks for having such wonderful children.
Kelly - Thanks for letting the kids continue to see me.  I love you..even though I know that's hard to believe.
Grandpa - Love you..Glad you're still here with me.
Grandma - Love you and always will..even though you're not here, I feel you around a lot.

Alright - I know I missed people..I can't keep going..
All my readers - You're freakin' awesome..Thanks for liking me and continuing to read.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Excuse makers

So . .
Why?

If you don't want something, just say it.  If you don't like something, say it.  If you'd rather do something else, say it.  Don't wait and then make an excuse later explaining why you can't do something.  Everyone knows that person, that waits til the last minute and backs out of everything.  The person that doesn't want to really ride on a train for 4 hours, because they won't be able to smoke.  Instead of them just saying, I really don't want to do that, they say yes, and then at the last minute they back out saying that their hips hurt and can hardly walk.  Okay well you'll be riding a damn train, so you don't need to walk much to do that.  I know that I'm being sort of flippant, but really, why make the excuse when the time comes.  Is it fear?  Is it that you really secretly decided weeks ago, when we made plans that you didn't want to come, and you just didn't say anything until my kid was supposed to meet you half way?  I'm blogging this obviously because I'm upset with a certain person, but what's interesting is that I didn't even really want her to be around that much.  She complains more and is more negative than anyone else I know. Not to mention, she's overall not a nice person most of the time.  You know, it's weird, but I do love her despite all of that, and I'm sorry for her that she will once again miss out on all of the beautiful people in our family and lives.

I guess to all of you that are out there that are excuse makers (sorry Tommy about last night, but I didn't make an excuse) - You should be ashamed of yourselves, because you hurt people.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Okay..people...breathe

Apparently something is off with the cosmos, because lots of people are wound pretty tightly today.  Calm down and realize that this too shall pass.  Geezz..

So my day starts with my daughter's boyfriend being upset at me because I jokingly "threatened him".  I figured anyone that knows me just a little bit knows that I am not dangerous in any way.  I have no ill will towards anyone.  I guess I didn't realize how much the situation had affected him.  The other part of that is though that I don't beg for forgiveness from anyone - other than maybe my children.  I didn't do harm to him, and I don't want to be over dramatic.
SIDE NOTE:Okay also ladies (and gentlemen) I don't believe that one person really ever TRUSTS another one fully to not break their heart.  Come on, really?  In this day and age, it happens all the time where someone more interesting is right around the corner and if that person is interested in you, too...things can happen...
But what I do believe is that we CAN choose to Believe our partner.  Believe that they would never hurt you..Trust to me is just too big of a word.  Believe that they wouldn't let someone get close enough to tempt them away from you.  Actually I think I don't care for that 'Trust' word so much.  I Trust in God.  I believe in Gary to stay away from the tree.  END SIDE NOTE!
Then I get to work and some people are really worked up here.  I don't understand why one day is any more concerning than the rest around here.  I also feel like certain people are only there to bring you down, so if you don't let them, YOU win.  Calm down people.  Tomorrow is another day, and then it's Turkey day.  Be thankful and happy for what you have in your life.
btw..a comment every now and then lets me know who is reading these, and makes me smile so big - Jimmy Dean..;)
I love you all.
Jess

Monday, November 21, 2011

Working out...

If I know it makes me feel so good after a good workout, why do I avoid it?  I recently decided to join the masses around here and start working out at lunchtime.  I used to be able to get up in the morning and get going early, but in the last 6 months or so, it's been really hard to wake up early.  Hell, it's been hard to roll out of bed period.  I did decide a few weeks ago to go to the YMCA here, since I have membership already and they participate in Lafayette in the Dollar away program. (I pay $1 a day to go).  Right away, I noticed the stair stepper machine.  I have so missed my stair stepping machine.  The new Y in Lebanon does not have one.  They do have many machines, but the one that I actually think moves fat away from my thunderous thighs and hips, isn't there.  I am truly thankful for having hair that I don't have to do much with.  I have been drying it a bit with a hair dyer there, but then I have to drive back here with the windows down anyway to avoid unnecessary sweating. I have still been trying to walk in the evenings, too.  I enjoy activity so much.

Guess what - just a few more days, and I get to hug my little girl.  So excited about that.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Different Kinds of Love

Isn't the heart a weird thing?  Feelings are so interesting and I really think it's amazing how many different kinds of feelings you can have towards different people.  I can honestly say that I do not feel the same way about any one individual.  I don't think that I have ever felt the same way about anyone.  I love all of my kids differently, and I love all of my friends differently.  I love mankind, but no one feeling is ever the same as the next.  I'm sure I loved my ex-husband at one point, but I definitely don't love him nor did I ever love him the way that I love Gary.  My children and I all have different relationships; therefore, I can not even love them the same.  I would argue that I love them all equally, but differently.  I love my niece like I've loved no other.  I love my sister-in-law like I've loved no other, and I am sure I love you like I love no other.  That should make all of you feel very special.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Remodeling

When I first bought my house, the idea was "I am woman, hear me roar".  I knew it was going to be a headache and a project, but I was single again and was going to make it mine.  I bought an old 1940's house that definitely needed some lovin' and I went to work.  Mostly it was girl power.  My momma and one of my besties, Christie, worked with me to do some basic remodeling.  Jennifer has helped me bunches, too.  I remember the first night in the house, there were wall tiles in the kitchen that were barely hanging on.  Jenn and I started peeling them off the wall, along with all the plaster, but it was so much fun. My Momma came to the house later and said, "umm..what are you going to do now?"  She always makes me grin.  She's so different than I am.
We removed carpets, sanded and fixed natural floors, put in laminate, painted, painted with Texture, even did drywall on some walls.  Oh yeah, we removed a several layer floor in the bathroom too, and fixed that.
Since Gary's become my nusband, (Yes, NUSBAND, didn't spell it wrong), we really started doing some remodeling.  This weekend we tore up my bathroom.  In a few weeks we should have a brand spanking new bathroom with a wonderful tile shower.
I have to say, I love tearing things up.  I also love getting scrapes and bruises when I've done something to deserve them.  Problem is I bruise easily, so I don't have to do anything to look like I've been working hard. 
Almost every project in my house has started with me destroying something.  
Gary and I do really well working together on projects like this, too.  It is refreshing to have someone not get irritated by your every idea or tell you that you're wrong.  He does that a lot about other things, but not during house projects for some reason.  Maybe it's fun for him, too, even though I doubt he would ever admit it.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Nook vs. Kindle Fire

http://www.cnn.com/2011/11/07/tech/gaming-gadgets/nook-kindle-war/index.html

Okay so - a few obvious things overlooked in this article. Amazon has movies you can rent or buy for download by having a prime account.  Amazon has an AMAZING app store with great apps and a free paid one of the day.  Amazon has all kinds of things you can buy on the internet with free shipping with a Prime account.  Let's face it people - Barnes and Nobles couldn't come close to compete with Amazon really.

Yes so Amazon has only 8GB of internal storage, but they give you the world with their cloud storage with a Prime account.  It would be nice to have a longer battery life, but that's the only thing I see as being a one up with the Nook.  Everything else is slightly comparable or Amazon has knocked them out of the park.

I will have mine in 9 days, and then I'll be able to comment more.  Can't wait.

Monday, November 7, 2011

I don't need no stinking Niche

I've been trying to decide if there should be a regular type of post from me about something or if I should just do this one blog and keep it casual.  I'm a very random person and I enjoy random thinking people.  I'm not sure I'd keep up something that was supposed to be specific.  I have decided that my niche will be to continue along this path until I might find something interesting enough to blog specifically about.  

Starting today with Smear Ads and my feelings:
Our nation is full of people; some are white, some black, some red, some Christian, some Buddhist, some Jewish, some interesting, some not.  I'm so tired of hate and slinging mud.  Who really cares, and why do we allow and pay for things like this http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/slideshow/intriguing-political-ads-2010-10887147 ?
I know this one was a bit funny, but negative smear ads are ridiculous.  Someone is paying a ton of money for them while children starve somewhere.  

I do not watch the news.  Honestly, I protest it (without signs), but if someone is watching it at home, I go into another room.  I do not like at all how negative things are and how people thrive on the negativity.  How often do you see positive stories on the news?  I was in the car with Gary yesterday, and he turned off the radio, which is a rarity.  I looked at him and he said he wasn't going to listen to smear ads, and it got me thinking.  Why do any of us put up with it?  Everyone complains about it, but no action has been taken to remove them.  I'm wondering if people actually listen to what's said in these ads and believe them.  If you listen to ads like this and believe the smear, then please make sure you are using birth control. We don't need to breed stupid.

Now that we've determined that we're not stupid, how do we stop smear ads? Maybe we refuse to watch or listen to them.  Maybe we refuse to vote for anyone that pays for one.  Maybe we write our senators and our congress people.  I guess I'm asking you.  This nation is already filled with hate; these ads won't turn it around.  

Ending today with Love:
I have been having issues lately with borders.  I'm not sure why we have them.  I'm a student at IWU, and in a blog discussion lately, I commented about borders and why is it important that we have them.  There was a conversation about tariffs and taxes, and a comment was made about how it seems like the rest of the world hates us and we help people.  At that I started thinking about how we "helped" Iraq.  How do we not expect to have people hate us when we interfere and act like a bully?  I wish we could all just get a long.  I know it sounds cliche, but seriously, why is there so much "ME" in the world.  If everyone would stop and take a step back and love just because they love their fellow man, things would be so much happier.  Stop finger pointing and stop pushing smaller nations around.  Open our borders to everyone and if we all did that..We could all be one nation maybe.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Jessica For President --- Part two

I'm thinking that when I rule the world or become president, that I would like to remove the voice box of all dogs under a certain size.  I was walking today and when the little cute, ewok looking dog started barking, I started thinking.  People definitely don't get those kinds of dogs for them to be intimidating to anyone, so we don't really need to hear them.  I think my aversion to small dogs has everything to do with the yap, so if we made it a rule that all small dogs, we either alter their genetics to make them sound different or we take out the bark completely, then they wouldn't be annoying, just cute.

So another thought for my presidency...
I watched the movie called "Arena" today.  All in all, a decent enough movie.  A great idea would be this - Death row inmates could fight each other to do death and it could be televised.  This would do two things, one it would eliminate some of the need for larger prisons and two, maybe it would add some sort of aversion to being bad enough to go to prison.  Maybe if people realized that we will let them kill each other in prison, then that one psycho will not murder the family, or whatever they were previously thinking of doing.  If we're absolutely sure that someone did something that warrants them life in prison or death by lethal injection, why not televise them fighting another person that did some other horrible crime.  The reason years ago that the government did the public hangings was to detour people from committing crimes, I'm just thinking this might have the same effect.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Droid vs. Android

Today's complaints. . .

Android is an operating system, and I have a phone that has Android on it.  I do NOT have a Droid, though.  A Droid is a type of phone made by the manufacturer Motorola.  They also do have the Android operating system on them.

Apple's iOS is on all of their devices, but they don't sell their OS or give it away to anyone.  Google is COOL.  They give their OS out to many manufacturer's, so my phone is an Atrix (much better than a Droid) and it runs an Android operating system and it's made by Motorola.

Back when I was a simpleton and had an iPhone I was confused by this, too.  I would think though, that since Android's are becoming so popular - Apple's phones are only outselling Android devices by 9%....(check this article http://mashable.com/2010/11/02/iphone-android-nielsen/) - this would become more common knowledge.  I am not kidding though that at least twice a week, someone says to me, "oh you have a Droid".

No, I do not have a Droid.  I have a much superior phone to any of the Droid phones.
I read this back and wonder why this bothers me so much, but it does.  My phone is more than just a phone or a smart device; it's an extension of me, I guess and it's awesome.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

An Amazing Memory

Isn't it cool how some things that happened in your life stick to you like it happened yesterday?  Well, if you don't have those kinds of memories, I'm sure that you haven't yet experienced a tragic or extremely wonderful event.

For me, 12 years ago today, was both a tragic and a wonderful event.

I had been in the hospital last week, 12 years ago, for the whole week, with pre-eclampsia.  After much complaining, the doctor sent me home on Halloween day to see my older two children go trick-or-treating.  I didn't get to take them, of course, but I got to go home and be with them.  The only symptom that I hadn't had at that point was protein in my urine, so I wasn't in immediate danger on October 31 (which that year, was a Sunday).  I went home and laid on my left side to keep my BP from causing a stroke, with the instructions that on Nov. 2, I was to go in to see my OB at 10:30.  David had just turned 8, and Jenn was 5.  Jennifer was in Half day - afternoon kindergarten that year.  Tuesday morning, I knew something was wrong.  I had trouble going to the bathroom, and I told Brian that I was sure they were going to keep me, but he insisted that we take Jennifer with us to my 10:30 appt.
Without all the gory details, we were sent to St. Vincent's emergency room.

I remember that day so clearly.  Everything happened quite quickly, and at 5:54pm, I had a wonderful 2lb, 10oz baby boy.  He was 15inches long and had very wide bright eyes, and he looked like an old wise man with all his wrinkles.  They wrapped him up and took him away from me.  I remember many things from that evening.  Bart Petersen became the mayor of Indy, Brian was a jerk and wouldn't go check on our son when I asked him, and my mother didn't want to leave my side.  I felt so alone and miserable.  He spent his first two days in the NICU, but his Mommy spent her's in an ICU room.  Finally, when I was out of danger, I got to meet him.  (not hold him, but meet him)

Christmas Eve, I got to bring my then 4lb 3oz, boy home from the hospital.  It was a long, agonizing few months, but he's wonderful and mostly healthy.  I am so blessed.  I've loved a lot in my life, but there is no other love like that of my children.

Before David and Jennifer, I didn't even want children.  I met them when they were 5 and 2.  I immediately loved them, and my love grew and grew.  I worried when I had Zach that there wouldn't be love for him left in me, but it was the most amazing thing.  The love I have for them is alike but different, all three of them have a different kind of perfect, individual, unconditional love.

Zacheriah is 12 today.  Happy Birthday, my sweet, wonderful young man.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Zombies are sure popular these days

What happened to Aliens and Ghosts?

I think that these days people would welcome an Apocalypse just to see if their plans worked out.  Getting in my daughters car the other day and I noticed the MRE's in the back seat.  I ask her why they were there and she said, "Well when the Zombie Apocalypse happens, I'll have food."  I have to admit I like Zombie stuff, too.  Watched all of season one of the Walking Dead this weekend.  I understand loving Zombies, but I'm not sure how or when they became so popular.  Nothing like running from a bunch of people turned brainless that do a lot of "urrgghhs", and walk slower than your grandma on a good day.

Halloween has always been my youngest son's favorite holiday.  Last night he said, "I think it's weird that we have to go to school on Halloween."  I think he's hilarious.  He was watching a TV show last night and decided that someone in his room (Henry, our ghost) was watching him.

This is our first year for not trick-or-treating.  We're handing out candy and trying to scare kids, I guess.  Maybe baby Lucy will need me to Trick-or-Treat with her some day.  I'm feeling quite old lately and I'm missing my babies being babies.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Quirks

There are a lot of things that people have little quirks with, and I'm not any different.  I do get the crazy look a lot from some of the people that know me.  Maybe I am a bit crazy, but I'd venture to say that crazy is good sometimes.

People - WASH your hands.  I can't handle being in the bathroom and seeing someone come out of a stall and walk out the door.  That is totally gross, but lately I've even been more extreme about it.  Like using the paper towel or my feet to open doors.  I find you not washing offensive enough to want to punch you in the neck.

A few years back, 10 or so, I decided that going to buffet restaurants were not for me.  I can't stand the idea of kids or adults sniffling over the food I might eat.

A year or so before that I decided that eating meat off of bones I was never doing again.  I'll eat meat just fine, but if it is still on the bone, forget it.  I was at the covered bridge festival and these two women were sharing a turkey leg.  I swear they reminded me of barbarians and I decided that day that we have knives and forks and the store sells meat already off of the bone.  I'm not a cavewoman, so I'll eat boneless.  I have slight issues with watching anyone eat anything bone in, but I don't preach it ( I do realize that it's my weirdness).

Somewhere along the way, I decided that I do not like to share towels.  I know that you're supposed to be clean after a shower, but sometimes, people aren't, and I do not want someone else's stink on my clean body.  This actually goes along with another issue I have.  Sometimes, when I'm in an enclosed space with a bunch of people I catch myself looking around and freaking out a bit about sharing air.  I know it's dumb, but it is what it is.  I start thinking about the air being sort of warm, and that maybe part of what I'm breathing in came out of someone else, and it totally creeps me out.

Before that, maybe when I was a small child, I don't know when or why it happened, but I have a major issue with feet.  I do not like feet on people from about 7 years old on.  This doesn't mean that I don't want people to wear flipflops around me or to be barefoot.  All of that is fine, but touching or really looking at feet is totally yucky to me.  Keep the feet to yourself.

Okay - Yeah - I have a bug guy come and spray my house once a month whether it's needed or not.  I even have him treat outside a couple times a year.  I can't handle bugs in my house.  I don't mind them being in their own space, I don't want anyone to physically kill them around me, but bugs beware - my house is off limits to you.  Not just bugs.  Spiders, snakes, lizards, bugs...all of that creepy stuff..

I sure there are more of these things, but this is definitely enough for you to know about me right now.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Companies I love and why...

First and foremost, I love Google.

No place does it like Google.  They're interesting and they don't waiver in that.  The company puts my needs (yes MINE) first.  I use almost every app they have.  Google Docs, Gmail, G+, Google Calendar, Picasa, Latitude - keep it coming Google, I love you.

Second - I love Amazon.

Amazon is AMAZING. They have really been working hard on the one stop shopping idea.  Music, Apps, Clothing, Food, Electronics.  I can't wait to buy the new Kindle Fire from them.  They have definitely lit my fire (not lame at all).

Third - Trader Joe's

I think I would marry Joe.  He has so many original healthy items in his store.  Me loves me some tasty healthy.


Fourth - I love Wabash National.

It's where I get my paycheck from, but it's more than that.  It truly is a good company to work for.


Fifth - I love Plato's Closet.

I can always find nice jeans for Zach there, and they're typically really in style and cheap.  Plus they stamp my card and every so often I get 20% off the whole purchase.  Woot!

Sixth - I love Woot.  I said Woot and thought of Woot.com.

I do check woot every single day.  I love kids woot and the t-shirts.  Nothing like Woot-off's to get me excited.  Really good deals sometimes.

Next - Kohls - yeah I still love Kohls and Macy's but Kohls is cheaper.

Macy's is great - but way expensive sometimes and Kohls is well more my style.  I love their sales, which they seem to always have.

Oh and there is Lovesac.com

I hope to outfit my living room with those babies someday.  Lovesac are bean bags that are HUGE.  I love them so much, but again a bit pricey.

I occasionally buy from overstock.com and zappos.com too

Great stores, both of them.  Zappos gets a lot of attention, but Overstock is nice, too.  Websites are really easy to maneuver.

Okay - last but not least - that I can think of right now - I love Apple.

I know - I'm an Android person totally, but Apple is pretty good for Simpletons, and I really would prefer to give Simpletons and simple phone.  My mom can even work that phone, so there ya have it.

Friday, October 28, 2011

Thickness of life

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to live a normal life (whatever that is).  I have said forever that I do not believe in conformity, but I'd bet it's a lot easier.  I would guess that if you didn't have to think about things or try to be good and decent that you could just easily blend in with the rest.

Do you ever feel like saying to everything and everyone "I'm just done with all of this" or "I'm tired of fighting the uphill battle of life"?


I remember when I was a young adult and my mom would give me advice or try to help, and I found it so annoying.  I remember asking to move out when I was 17 and disappointing my parents so immensely, yet I didn't care.  The two people who had actually loved me the most and cared for me the most, I hurt them without even thinking about it until years later.  I can not imagine how my mother felt when I did some of the things I did back then.  My parents had always treated me with respect and like I was an adult from a really young age.  Once I actually could make decisions for myself, I wanted to make them all.  I was invincible.  Until I wasn't.  Often times, I wish I could go back and listen to what they had to say, not just listen to them, but really hear them.

I give so much of myself to the people in my life, that I sometimes forget who I am.  Until someone shakes me back to reality.  I am a great me, and people are lucky to have me in their lives.  I'm lucky to have them, too, but sometimes I think the others around me just take me for granted.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

I'm running for president

So driving to Chicago always makes me think about toll roads.  Why don't we charge for bypass roads all over the place instead of raising taxes.   So if you choose to take the bypass then you pay a toll.  This works for other things like that too.  The government makes a lot of money off of ipass and i think they should do that other places.   Offer a slight discount but your ipass auto refills at 30 bucks which they draw interest on.  Imagine if 10000 people gave you their 30 bucks to bank.  It just makes sense.

I've said this before but also i don't get why the  government doesn't force our citizens to recycle. So let's say you buy a computer. My thoughts is that upon purchase you have to pay a disposal fee. This money would go to our trash company to pay them for proper disposal of whatever and then we as citizens just throw away everything.  Any money that the trash company makes from recycled items would go back towards the staffing of the program. This still gives everyone choices. They can choose not to buy items if they don't want to pay for properly disposing of them.

Sometimes Insanity works

So I had a crazy thought the other day.   How do we know that eating our dead people doesn't have some great health benefits? How do we know that eating someone's brain wouldn't give us the wealth of their knowledge?  I'm just saying, not doing.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Today

I'm sitting here, trying to think of what I want to blog about today.  

My car is fixed AGAIN.  Only another $550.  Well that's 2K in a few months. I'm tapped out on it, so it better be truly fixed.  It did feel good driving and cleaning it today.  Like it's fresh and new.

Eagle Creek was beautiful today.  I really enjoy being with my sister-in-law and brother so much.  They're good peeps.  Little Lucy has my heart, too.  It's weird how I didn't think I'd ever love anyone even nearly as much as I love my kids, but I find myself falling all over her.  She's like the closest love I've ever felt to that kind of love.  

We're getting ready for our trip now, and I just can't wait to have all my babes in one place.  That's going to be great.  I'm also looking forward to a few days R&R.  Still have homework, but no work to contend with, hopefully.

Have you ever had someone say that you did something that you didn't do?  That is frustrating as hell. I am a bit weird about it though, because I just think that makes a person seem dumb.  For instance, I hear something like so and so said that she heard you don't like her and called her .....(whatever)..and so she doesn't like you.  I think - What?  I'm so out of high school...If you know me, you know that I will tell you to your face what I think of you.  I can't help that.  I like most people.  I can be civil to those I don't care for so much, but most generally you'll know how I feel about you.  I think I've only ever been a mystery to a few people, and to you people I am sorry.   

I think we should all just love each other and get along. 
Thanks for reading...I'll think of something more interesting for the next one.



Friday, October 21, 2011

Captive Advertising

I'm in an advertising class right now, and one of the questions was "do I think that captive advertising is unethical?" 
This really amused me.  I wanted to respond with "How could it be, unless the advertisement itself is?"  
So captive advertising is like when your at the grocery store and your cart has an advertisement on it.  You need a cart, because you're shopping, so you see the advertisement even if it's not meant for you.  Another example might be when you're at a football game and the jumbo screen has advertisements for soda and concessions on it, or when you're at an airport and there are food advertisements on the wall.  You may not be shopping for those things, but because you're standing there, you're the captive audience. So everyone that watches online videos know that often times you have to watch the non-skip ad first. Is this annoying? Sure, but unethical, no way.  How about when you buy a smart phone and there are tons of preloaded apps.  That's captive in a way, because I can't remove them without jail-breaking my phone, but still I think ethics do not play in.  If I want to buy those products, or watch those videos, then it's the right of the seller to add advertisements, and my right as a consumer to say I'm not buying.   
You say - why are you wasting my time with this?  I don't know, it's something I found amusing yesterday, and this is my blog, so I decided to share.  
You guys are reading this, I'm so surprised by that.  I think it's great; I mean, I do like the things I have to say, but I didn't think other people would even find it interesting.  If anyone would like me to post more often, let me know, cuz I have so many thoughts rolling around this head. 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

People still use Yahoo for mail? Or for anything?

I'm really confused by this.  I figure it has something to do with comfort and maybe a bit of ignorance.  Okay - ignorance means " lack of knowledge, education, or awareness." I'm not being mean.  
I also think it has to be a stubbornness to change.  *Thought Bubble* "I've always known this, so why should I change to something way more superior?" 


I rarely say much to anyone about it, but every one that knows me knows that I'm a HUGE Google fan.  I've had my Gmail account for a long time now (when it was still beta) thanks to my Gary.  I just don't think people understand that a Google account means a free online account to basically everything needed to do anything.  So, daily I can save my excel documents to my Google Docs, I can check my mail, I share calendars with people in my life, I can upload pictures for sharing to Picasa, I can create a quick and easy website, and most recently I can post to G+.  And guess what, it's all in one place and it's so easy to use, even my mom can navigate it.  I encourage you; I implore you, to change your computing experience forever.  


Also you can include me in your circles on Google Plus, I'd love to have you.  I'm probably more entertaining on here, but who knows.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Let's talk about life baby.. . .

Not really.

Instead, I'd like to talk about why people say "lol" all the time.  Really?  You're really Laughing out Loud?  If you really are laughing out loud as often as you type it, then there is something wrong, because you don't laugh out loud like that when we're actually talking.

Recently I decided to start putting a R before my LOL if I really did laugh.  Also a GOL (as my daughter kindly pointed out, is not a lie), I do giggle out loud a lot while texting.  I also thought of adding an "F" to my lol if I'm talking to someone that uses it a lot, in order to tell them that I just "Fake laughed out loud" like you are ever time you say it.

Another small issue I have with texting is 'kk' - What the hell does that mean?  It's not short for OK cuz we're still typing two letters, and KK sounds really weird.  Like a baby.  I don't like mk either..cuz that's like ummm okay..why not just say k...

BTW...NO one actually ROTFL or ROTFLMAO - Those are just stupid.  Stop using them.  That's what I say, and if it were truly my world, everyone would stop it.

Monday, October 17, 2011

New Favorites

Yeah, so I love music.  I love all kinds of music.  I'm not a huge a country fan, but there IS country music that I like.  Some months I go without getting all excited about music, but sometimes I find something new that I really like.  Maybe it's not new to everyone; maybe just new to me, but last month, my kid introduced me to Andy Grammer.  He sings a lot of good songs, but there is this one that I just LOVE. (Lunatic)

The song gets me going in the morning and well the lyrics seem to stick with me all day.
"You can do this, you can do this
You are not a lu, Lunatic
Crazy would be changing your mind."
Anyway it's such a catchy beautiful tune.
I think I like this song almost as much as Train's "Drops of Juipter".  

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A little on happiness. . .

Okay I admit it, I struggle with staying happy and positive each day.  Someone will say something negative, or I will hang on something I thought to be negative.  I think way too much and analyze conversations, people's actions and my own feelings towards everything.  I know that I can choose to be worry free and happy all the time, but it's really not that simple to do for me.

I'm gonna tell you some of the crazy things that I do to keep a smile on my bright face.  I know they're dumb, but they tend to work for me.


  • I make my bed, or well Gary does now, cuz he's there.  Coming home to a fresh made bed always makes me feel relief.
  • I look in the mirror and say "today is going to be a great day".
  • I text my daughter.
  • I try to stand up straight (almost stretch it's so straight) once or twice a day.
  • Listen to a happy song.
  • Imagine my happy place.
  • Drink some tea.
  • Spend some quality time with my phone.
  • Exercise.
  • Laugh with Zach.
  • Go on a date with the man.
  • Listen to an audio book.
  • Find the love around me - it's everywhere.


I encourage you to think of the things that keep you happy and positive.  Write a list.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Weatherman

I'm kind of getting tired of educated guessing.  My son has been ill a lot lately, and we have had lots of tests run to get only vague answers.  I know that sometimes things are not as they seem.  I know that worrying will get me nowhere, but I want to scream sometimes.  A weatherman is paid for predictions, but doctors should not be.  A doctor should look for evidence and treat what they can.   I am so tired of hearing, "it looks like it might be. . . ", or "let's try this."  I know that doctors are just people and that they just have a different kind of education than I do, but I so wish they would think more like, "what if he was my son?  How would I treat this then?"  I feel like if they can't fix him then they shouldn't be paid anything.  Or rather, if all i get is indefinite answers, then all you get from me is half of your pay.
Oh the frustration.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Orson Scott Card thoughts. . .


This dude is seriously talented.  I listen to a lot of Audio books.  Long drive to work and home every day.  Anyway, a few months back I downloaded Pathfinder.  It’s a great book!
I think the narration in all of the Orson Scott Card books that I’ve listened to have been phenomenal also.  The books have all caught my attention from the first paragraph to the end.  The Lost Gate is another must read.  I have now listened to the entire Alvin Maker series, and I am a true fan.  I do have to say I even liked Treason, but it did make me wonder what kind of drugs he was doing at the time of writing it.
Interestingly enough, after listening to Pathfinder and loving it, I decided to download Ender’s Game.  I had trouble getting into that one, so I moved on to Alvin.  Card has published a ton of books, and in such a small time frame.  I have completely in awe of him.  That’s really not saying that much, considering I am quite taken by many authors.  I do believe I’d give my left foot to be half as good of a writer as he is though.  (Foot because I want my hands for typing.)

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Loving You. . .

You were so little in my arms.  I recall the bridge of your nose and the wide eyed stare filled with love.  I remember the moment when I thought, “you’ll never get this back. Enjoy him now.”
Your cheeks were so chubby and your eyes so blue.  You weren’t wholly mine, yet it felt so like you were.  I remember the thought, “you’re making her like you, even the weird stuff.”
Zelda was my bonding tool with you.  I knew when you were young that you were a gamer at heart, and we played until the game was complete.  I remember thinking, “I will come to your level and then you’ll love me as much as anyone.”
Time has passed.
In the blink of an eye, everything changed.
The lesson that I’ve learned from the experiences we’ve had, is that we never stop.  The love is and always will be, but everyone moves on and changes and grows.
I look into your big brown eyes that I’m only looking down an inch at, and I think, “I’m so proud of the boy you are, and the man you’re becoming.”
The once chubby and now slim face of my young woman is so loving and careful not to upset.  I often think, “How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?”
The young man that is still playing games, but getting ready to join the military, I wonder..”Will you ever know how much I love you?”
There was an error in this gadget