Thickness of life

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to live a normal life (whatever that is).  I have said forever that I do not believe in conformity, but I'd bet it's a lot easier.  I would guess that if you didn't have to think about things or try to be good and decent that you could just easily blend in with the rest.

Do you ever feel like saying to everything and everyone "I'm just done with all of this" or "I'm tired of fighting the uphill battle of life"?


I remember when I was a young adult and my mom would give me advice or try to help, and I found it so annoying.  I remember asking to move out when I was 17 and disappointing my parents so immensely, yet I didn't care.  The two people who had actually loved me the most and cared for me the most, I hurt them without even thinking about it until years later.  I can not imagine how my mother felt when I did some of the things I did back then.  My parents had always treated me with respect and like I was an adult from a really young age.  Once I actually could make decisions for myself, I wanted to make them all.  I was invincible.  Until I wasn't.  Often times, I wish I could go back and listen to what they had to say, not just listen to them, but really hear them.

I give so much of myself to the people in my life, that I sometimes forget who I am.  Until someone shakes me back to reality.  I am a great me, and people are lucky to have me in their lives.  I'm lucky to have them, too, but sometimes I think the others around me just take me for granted.