Wednesday, September 12, 2012

So..Here we are. . .

At someone's request recently I started working on a 5 year plan.  Wow! For me that is one difficult thing to do.  I really like flying by the seat of my pants.  I like living in the moment and for today, and yeah, even though Gary used to act like I was too centered on the tomorrows, and the what-ifs, I have never really wanted to actually PLAN future things.  I guess I have always felt like without a PLAN there would be no consequence, or rather no disappointment.  If I didn't plan to be the head of some huge corporation or for retirement at 35, when I hit 35, I wouldn't be so disappointed.  It's worked nicely, with my rose colored spectacles on.
I know there are times that what you want isn't something that is feasible at the time, but that doesn't mean you can't want, wait and wish for it.   I have recently decided that CA is really a pipe dream for us, and that's okay.  Indiana is blah blah..but whatevs...I need to think of what is most important for Zach.  I have a lot of "what's most important for Zach"..It's important that I don't move him away from his father, and that I don't move him to an area where things would be bad for him.  It's important to know his friends, and his life...I do here...I can do that for him...That doesn't mean that I won't put CA in a 10 year plan or longer but it's definitely not in the 5 year.   Okay so that part was fairly easy for me to come up with.  Basically, I just had to weigh it.
The Bigger Question: OH my gosh...what do I want to do in my life?  What do I want to be?  Do I want to write?  Do I want to be a manager?  What would make me truly happy?  I love the fact that someone asked me some hard questions, that I didn't have answers to.  I just feel like it compounded my every day stress by a zillion...almost panicked over the fact that I am getting a ten million dollar degree with no FREAKIN' idea what I want to do with it. So all this is happening, and someone (a VP) says to me today . . . ."Jessica, I have to tell you that you are the most approachable person I have ever met."   Overall today was a decent enough day, but on my drive home with the windows down, and the radio up and the dancing and sending a few messages (arrest me)...I thought about how I ALWAYS want to be that person.  The person that people like and want to come to about stuff.  I always want to be in some sort of service job.  I was MADE to interact with people; I'm good at it, and gosh darn it people like me.  Of course, I like them too..Too many and too much, this is why some of my besties feel like I am mad at them if we don't talk for a few days.     I'm sorry, Laura, you're fantastic and I would let you know if you ever did anything to upset me before I blog about it.  Promise!  I also have a problem with burying myself in too much work.  Too many things going on all at once and it's making me a little crazy at times.
One thing that I say a lot, and I mean it, and people seem to think that its cliche or whatever, I do love you.  I am quite certain I was born in the wrong decade.  

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