Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Today's early blog

I am sitting at the hospital waiting on Donna or Dad to get here while she's having some testing.

I have been thinking a lot lately about feelings and what is real. So many people act like or say how you can make yourself feel one way or another... And that is true.. I know that as long as you don't want to be unhappy you can make yourself happy..
I also know though that it is important not to use that as a cop out. Ocassionally I think certain people believe you can treat someone any way and that it is that persons responsibility to manage the feelings involved. If a person does something directly that could hurt you then yeah.. You can get over it but sometimes the person acts like it's your fault you are having anger feelings or sadness because of what they did. I often feel disappointment with people and they can say they are sorry or whatever and it doesn't just fix it.
I have to decide at what level I trust again or how far and much I will ever let them hurt me again... Usually I'm a glutton for punishment when it comes to those that I love, but every so often I decide I'm done with the pain they cause.
I am a lover.. I love people very much, but i do not like being hurt or betrayed or treated unimportant to those that I hold very very high in my life. My heart is on my sleeve most of the time, and I believe that is my tragic downfall.

Random thoughts
David came home... Love hugs kisses.. I love him so so much.
Had all my kids together under one roof for the first time in a really long time and I can not express the joy that brings even under the circumstances.
I have never met anyone I even like as much as my kids.. I believe if I was stuck on an island with them and no one else, sure I'm miss the heck out of gary, but the kids would bring happiness all on their own. They are fantastic.
My ex husband's family... I love them.. It's so strange to feel like I do towards them still, but i do.. I'm so sorry for their loss and happy for the life of Edith all at the same time. Without her they would not be as wonderful as they all are.
I want to play my Wii U today.
Sheila is coming over at noon.. Hope I can stay awake.. I'm tired today..
Tomorrow is thanksgiving.. Hope it is grand for everyone.. Spending time with two families this year.. Won't have any of my babies though.. I'll still smile and try not to cry once.. Even though I'm almost just typing this.

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