Whoa - Taking a minute to blog..

I did some quiet reflection today on my way in.  I thought about how beautiful the sky is and why almost every day I feel in awe of it.  I thought about flowers and people and I know this makes me seem like a huge tree huger (which i am not ashamed of), but I thought about how perfect everything really is.  Sometimes things happen that totally screw up your world, but in the end, it's still okay - everything is ALWAYS okay.  Thank God, it's always okay.

I think as I was reflecting this morning that I figured out that I want to put my Master's program on hold.  I think I miss spending time with family and friends and there is so much going on right now and Zach will be cool forever, but I feel like I'm missing out on so much of him right now.  I should be taking some time this lunch to write an annotated bibliography but doesn't anyone know how BORING that is.  It'll still be there when I decide to go back, and really it's not doing anything for me right now except making me crazier than I am.  I haven't talked to anyone about this yet, and I know a lot of people that read my blog (and a LOT more than that I don't know).  If you have reasons you think this is a bad idea for me, go ahead, comment..I figure I'll give this a few more days, and then make a well thought out decision - I might even wait until Beauty and the Beast is over to see if my sanity returns.

BTW...This blog is crazy right now.  I love you all, and can not believe the daily numbers..Sometimes lately, I have felt so lonely and maybe even a bit depressed.  It's nice to see that people care enough to read.  Thanks for that, but don't feel like you have to.  I babble sometimes, just because it makes me feel good to get it out.

Alright - Good day to all.

xoxo

Dedication and grillin' tonight...woohoo

Yes - I am now feeling dedicated to make sure you all know again what is going on in my life.  As if most of you care..but whatever..I've said this before and I'm saying this again..This is like a diary for me, and while most people keep most thoughts private - I am NOT like most people.  I would prefer to put it out there and let you think on it, or let you think I'm crazy or really whatever you want to think is fine with me.

Went out with the girls last night - WAY late and drank some and smoked some (only cigs - no worries)- - - and well laughed a whole lot.   It was a fantastic evening and I'm sure we'll do it again as soon as our lives allow.  I say evening, but it went well into the morning..Got home and showered right away (didn't want to wear the smoke smell to bed) anyway - then my phone rang or at least that's how it felt, and mom said "going to church?"  My initial reaction was "um NO" but then I felt compelled to say "Yeah, I should do that."  So glad I did too, I love that place..I think it's great how Dave always talks to me..or covers something I've been thinking about.  I think it's awesome so many coincidences happen.  I also think it's great that he turned me onto an grillin' idea with cabbage...I'll let everyone how I liked it if it turns out.. ;)

I also think my son is so fantastic - he went on a Work day for church to raise money for his Mission trip yesterday - they cleaned and planted some garden stuff anyway - I get to the church today and someone that had been working with him said, "Did Zach show you his pockets from yesterday?"  Yes, my boy decided it would be cool to store worms in his pockets.  WORMS..I figured immediately there was a girl involved, and of course...I'm right..Showing off for a senior girl. The boy is pretty cool though..

Went to the milk building to check it all out and we had some great volunteers help move stuff over there for a few weeks.  I'm uber excited about the next two weeks, and nervous, but really excited.  go to www.littleblackboxtheatrecompany.com and buy some tickets - or call me or text me or whatever and we'll get you on the presale list..(I will need the money somehow -check/cash/credit card before the show night, but the presale will still count even if you don't want to do paypal online.)

Cheese is . . .

I really don't have much to say today.  I could brag a bit about all the wonderful kids in my life.  I really am amazed at how well the teens did last night in their All I ever needed to know I learned in Kindergarten.    The kids were AWESOME.  Tonight is take 2 and I'm sure it will be just as great.  I think it would be great if everyone came to see the show tonight - $5 at the door 7pm @ 119 N. Meridian Lebanon..

The show is only about an hour, but the kids are fantastic.  

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151570828549866&l=8926199590465202659

 If you're interested in Beauty and the Beast tickets - please check out www.littleblackboxtheatrecompany.com and buy them online - cuz i tell you..if you wait to get them at the door, it will cost $10 a piece instead of $5.  Children that can sit on your lap are free.  It's seats that we're selling.  

Today has been a good day - went to Greenwood - got a storage unit, and put some tools and stuff in there. Stuff that I am not ready to get rid of in case we decide in a year that we want to buy another house.  Anyway then we came home and I decided to print the program using FedEx for next week.  Yay..and tonight is another show and then some bar/girl time.  I'm happy about that.  I need some time with friends...good loving and caring friends..I will sure miss everyone from this town..I know I'll come back from time to time, but honestly I miss them now so this should be GREAT..

Last night I blogged about love...I was thinking - so. . . Jenn and I have the "million" thing..and to her and I - that means more than the words "I love you"  Zach and I have "to infinity and beyond" - david used to say "to the moon"  - - I guess it can't be labeled though..In reality, it just is.  It's a feeling, so it's one of those things that you can't really describe.  My heart feels strong feelings towards so many people..some more than others, but again, love doesn't seem like enough to explain it anymore.  Maybe it's because I have overused the word my whole life.  I think just like people say "Bless You" when you sneeze and that means nothing to them..I'm obviously not going to stop telling EVERYONE that I love them, but if I were you I'd definitely question what the hell that means to me.  I'm just babbling really.

I'm sending out the vampire request again.  If you are one. . . . what do I have to do to convince you that you really need to bite me.  I can promise I'll only eat animals. . I guess..

Today's thoughts. . .

So today - I have had music in my head all day.  I decided to listen to the radio on my way in today and I have to say - I am not ashamed - I love Gavin Degraw.   I believe "Soldier" might be one of my favorite songs right now..

I'll get it if you need it,
I'll search if you don't see it,
You're thirsty, I'll be rain,
You get hurt, I'll take your pain.

I know you don't believe it,
But I said it and I still mean it,
When you heard what I told you,
When you get worried I'll be your soldier.

I also really like Snow Patrol.  Which I know some of my friends will be like, REALLY?...but YES...I do .. "If I lay here.  If I just lay here..would you lie with me and just forget the world"...how many times do you feel this in your life.  Seriously..  I know that every now and then..I just wish I could take a breath with people around me..and just lay...lay still..forget everything else..and just be ... BE...

Black Box had an AWESOME show tonight...Ashley Kauffman really brought it all together with the teens..and I think this might've been my most favorite show ever.. honestly..Maybe mostly because it wasn't a musical with a ton of kids..

Then I got to go to dinner with my dad..which is cool too..I love my dad a lot..(mom too but i get her way more often)

Isn't love a strange thing...isn't it awesome how one emotion is not one at all, yet has the same name for so many different feelings...I definitely do not feel the same for all the people I love and I think there should be a different name for it..not sure what to call it but sometimes, these days..love doesn't describe it right.  I know that what i feel for so many is a type of love, but there should be different names to better describe my feelings.  That is all..

Good night! and as always..I LOVE you...but all of you differently..

Tommy - again - happy birthday 

Today's lunchtime post

I'm trying to keep up with this for you Tommy. I know that tonight I'll be going to the black box and probably won't get another chance to do this today. Today feels a little better than yesterday. I did actually look in the mirror this morning and tell myself how awesome I am. Sometimes I think that has to be done. It sure was nice to love on some family last night. I am very much looking forward to being on the south side all the time. That doesn't mean Lebanon will be rid of us completely, especially since I really feel friendless down here. I know that will come in time, but I am a little impatient.. I'm down here a lot.. And I'm far away from everyone who loves me, that is a bit disheartening. I am loving some of the people here; the deep friendships just take time to develop.

Tommy.. We need to hang soon.. I miss your sweet face. I know we all just saw each other but that wasn't good visit time.
I'm not going to pretend like I have a lot of time in the next three weeks though, unless anyone wants to come help out at the black box.

On a much different path.. Most of you know how my mind works.. I have decided lately that the sky... Is my favorite thing.. Every color is so beautiful... Need to work on meditation and I think I'm going to try to use the sky for that. And trees and nature.. I love outside so much.. Sometimes I think getting lost on a mountain and living there would be great... Doubt I could hunt tho..
I still want to learn to use a bow and arrow.. Anyone have and want to teach me? That is a serious request.

Okay good enough.. Love you

Trying to see the bright side

How is it that someone can be something and nothing all at once?  Someone can mean nothing in the long scheme of things, but mean so much right at the moment.  I guess for me, it's always that there is a possibility of building lasting relationships.  I love people, but occasionally lately, a few have really gotten under my skin.    Ready for this - - - I'm letting them.  I preach it all the time...you don't have to feel sad if you don't want to...you don't have to feel lonely..you don't have to feel angry...you can choose it.  So why is it, that I kinda feel all of these darn emotions today?  Yeah...It's not even that time of the month...

It's hard to explain how the whole feeling thing goes, but today, right now, I'm down.  I'm really down.  I don't really get down, so this is a weird one for me.  I'm sure tomorrow will be a brighter day.  Until then, I will be drowning my pains in a little what I like to call "love juice".

I love you..

Tommy - this one is for you

Okay - it's lunch time, and I'm sitting here at my desk with some other things to do, but I decided that since you mentioned that I don't blog much..I'd write this one to you, or start it out to you and then make it into something different.

Since I have anything planned to say in this blog, this one really is mostly for you.  I know how you like my random ramblings. You ever have those days where it seems like you're watching it or observing it?  Yeah, well that has been my day so far.  Nothing seems like it's actually touching me or affecting me.  Probably too little sleep last night.

I know I was texting on my way in here this morning (speak text peeps), but for some reason the drive seemed a lot shorter than normal, and I think I made it in less than an hour again.  I think it's amazing how sometimes, I can preoccupy myself so much that I don't even really remember the drive.

This weekend is the Teen Play -All I ever wanted to know I learned in Kindergarten - This one is at the storefront on Friday night and Saturday @ 7pm.  Come watch it with me.  I'll be there both nights.  Pre-order tickets www.littleblackboxtheatrecompany.com

The two weekends after that (19th,20th,21st,26th,27th and 28th) is Beauty and the Beast Jr. at the Milk Building.  I am totally excited for all of this.  Although, it does make a very trying three weeks, and by the end of it...I'm gonna be totally spent for a few days.

I have also posted classes for the next sessions online - www.littleblackboxtheatrecompany.com

Have you ever analyzed how you make decisions?  That's what class I'm in right now, and I have to say...I am learning a little about myself.  I am probably not willing to change too much, but I do find it intriguing.  I tend to make decisions on a whim a lot, with not so much data to back me up.  I knew this, but reading about why and what bias' led me here..kinda cool.

Okay - that's all I have for today - but I did promise Tommy a blog a day..so. . . . I'll do my best.

Love you all.