Monday, July 23, 2012

Feelings of a Divorced Momma

Living without my child for a period of time, is never a good feeling.  I know that over the years, I have grown more accustom to him being at his dads.  I know his dad does take care of him.  I know that his dad loves him, too.  I am happy that they seem to get along better as time goes on.  I am happy that going to his dad's bothers him less and less.
Usually, I don't cry anymore.  Usually, I have a little bit of a feeling of relief (I know, bad momma), but it's nice to have a break from time to time.  Then there are those moments, when I feel so overwhelmed by the emotion that I get no Zach hugs for three weeks.
The summer is tough.  There are longer stretches, and being apart is hard for me.  I want openness where I can talk to him and hug him whenever.  I do get that he's growing and soon enough he'll getting a job and then be moving away to college, and I'll feel the empty nest all the time.  I just love him bunches, and I don't like the loneliness feeling I have without him around.  I know he misses me, too, but he's a boy and he's pretty okay with anything.  He's a really good boy.
I have cried so many times over my kids.  It's such a weird thing.  They make me the happiest and the saddest of all people in my life.  If I had this extremes with anyone else, I'd leave them.  ;)

I love my babies, and even if they aren't babies anymore.  I love all three of them with my whole heart.  I wish and hope they know this.  Each child is so completely different, and yet I wouldn't trade any of them for the entire world.