Giving...Forgiveness. . .

So a question was posed today?  How should you treat co-workers and those that you may see begging for money along side of the road...?  Well, I guess because I have heard and thought about how many times people may be just begging as a living, it has been a long time since I have handed money or anything out my window...Honestly, I just assume that they are better off then they are letting on..Honestly I just think, why aren't you doing something different.  Now though, I guess I'm thinking I was wrong and that was very judgmental of me.  It's not my place to decide whether someone really needs the help or not, it's my job to do my best to give of myself to everyone and know that I won't be judged badly for it in the long run.  How far from being one of those people are any of us anyway?  As far as co-workers, most of you know me personally.  What you might not know is that in the last 6 months, I have been tried this way.  I have been told who is "stupid", and who I should and shouldn't be friends with.  I have been told it would "be a bad idea" to go to lunch with certain people.  I have been told that "I was getting to close" to certain people, well...I like to form my own opinions, even if that means that I am pushed out for it.
People are fantastic most generally, even the rough ones, that seem like they are scorned.  People just need to feel loved and cared for, and why shouldn't everyone feel that way.  Treat others the way you want to be treated..that's not a religious thing, it fits, but it's just the way i wish we all felt.  Something funny tho, the person that kept telling me how "ignorant" and "stupid" people are is someone who goes to church on Sundays and Wednesdays and acts like he's a real "Christian" (not that he isn't a Christian that also does bad things, but geezz).. No offense, but "Christianity" has a bad name, and honestly, this kind of thing is why.  I am not a great person or a great "Christian", I just try hard to make sure that love is at the forefront of my life.  I have made mistakes; I make mistakes daily, but I hope that if you know me you know where I am going with this.  I know along the way, I have screwed up some relationships, and I'm sorry for that.  I have trouble with thinking before I speak at times, and well, I know that I can say things and make you think too much about them later.  I apologize to anyone that I have hurt or upset or pissed off or whatever...and yes, that even goes to those people that I don't get along so well with.  I'm working on forgiveness.  I feel like not forgiving is wasting emotion and in turn, wasting time.  I don't want to waste time on something that means nothing in the long run.
I'll bet most of you know today's song.  The Beatles - another one of my favorites, said it best.
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy
There's nothing you can make that can't me made

No one you can save that can't be saved

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time

It's easy
All you need is love

All you need is love

All you need is love, love

Love is all you need"

The love thing seems to be my broken record.  Oh well.. 

Have a great rest of your Sunday and start to your week.

Love - Jess

millions, infinity, xoxo

My perfect storm. . .

Been a lazy day - watching the rain.  Nice temperature and nice sweet rain.  Get my boy back tomorrow and Jenn comes Tuesday - yay..
Interesting feelings today too...I guess it's good that I recognize all of them and not dwell.  
Today's lyrics are from one of my all time favorite artists - Andy Grammar...Yes...I'm not ashamed of him being one of my favorites..

"The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine."

It seems like every time I start to get a bad/sad/lonely feeling I hear this song.  It tells me that no matter what I need to keep my head up and keep going.  Pushing forward.  This is just a journey that we're on and no matter what happens we can only turn out okay.  In the long run, this day is just this day.   I just heard a line from A Perfect Storm - "Remember, I will always love you, never goodbye, just love" and I thought about how true that is. 

As Lucy grows older, and my kids get older and taller, I think of how short things are...How much time we waste being what we don't want to be and where we don't want to be and do what we don't want to do...why...why can't we be who we want and do what we want in this one lifetime.  I'm gonna try to do only what is right, but what I want to do ... and be where I want and around whom I want and  . . . so on..I'm going to try to do all this, but in my own time.  Also, I think I need a time machine, so if anyone has one, pls let me know.  And, I am still waiting on my vampire bite...again, if you know one and can send them my way - ....you'll be in my debt...

Love you all
Jess
millions and infinity xoxo

Behind Blue Eyes. . .

You ever wonder why men wore/wear ties?  What ever made someone think that looked good?  I think a tie is kinda a weird tradition.
I think we do all kinds of stuff that is weird..Like necklaces ... ever notice that all women on the news wear necklaces..why?? and again..I don't watch the news but Gary does and I just noticed all this weird stuff.  Is it like a requirement that if you're going to be on TV you have to wear ties and necklaces?
So today is a beautiful day.
Now..do I or do I not talk about my opinion on the same sex marriage thing???
Hmm..yes, I think so...I think marriage is a sham anyway.  I don't think the relationship itself is, but the idea of marriage is a traditional thing and the government wants to control so many aspects of our lives.  Maybe instead of making it legal for same sex to get married, we do away with marriage by the government standards all together and everything becomes a union between people and their own religions.  I do realize what getting married in the eyes of the government give a person, and I say why does it have to be that way?  Why does it matter to me that a person can insure their same sex partner and file taxes together?  People act like marriage gives a person so many benefits that they wouldn't get otherwise, but why is it that way?  Why do American's have to be married to get the benefits of Social Security and insurance - and the tax thing isn't a benefit really..?  I say we let anyone call whatever they want to call whatever they want to call it.  Of course, I am not a judgmental person.  - - Before anyone judges me for my thoughts...These are my thoughts and you're reading them.
Today - I'm feeling like sharing some lyrics from "The Who"
When my fist clenches, crack it open 
Before I use it and lose my cool 
When I smile, tell me some bad news 
Before I laugh and act like a fool 

And if I swallow anything evil 
Put your finger down my throat 
And if I shiver, please give me a blanket 
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

I think for a while I'm going to share lyrics of my favorites...And for no reason necessarily other than I just want to.

Love you
Jess

Pickles and Hugs...Hugs and pickles - what a combo

Today is one of those days when I'm thankful for things.  I'm thankful all days, but today I'm thankful for pickles.  I'm not sure who decided cucumbers in vinegar was a good idea, but I sure am happy they did.  I'm also thinking that there are two kinds of people in this world; those who like dill, and those who don't.  I can't remember anyone ever saying, well I like Dill kind of.  I did talk to someone today that said, "only the chips kind" but I think that is a mental thing.

I would like to know if you are a dill person or not.  I would like to know if you like tomatoes and olives and lemons.  That is one whole food group for me.  No joke actually.  We could add a few things like artichokes and jalapenos.  Those all fit into the same category for me.  FAVORITES.  What about you?  Do you like my favorites list?
I got to hug my baby again today.  That was nice.  He's such a good kid.  A good hug..a good hug is very very important to me.  Love is in hugs.  A while ago, a young girl I know hugged me, but it was that one-armed half hug thing, and I said, "Can I have a real hug now?".   She came back and I embraced her and said, "isn't that nicer" - she said, "yeah, that hug feels more like you love me."  And, I said, "yep, this is the way you should hug your momma, too."  Yeah, I do love her and so giving a good firm strong hug is important.  A friend once told me that I was a "patter" and I quit that, because that makes the hug feel somehow fake. Now every time I see her, she gives me a "real" hug.   When my kids were younger, they used to complain about their dad's hugs.  About how he gave them the half hug and it hurt their feelings.  I'm so glad that I know how to make people know my true feelings with a hug.  Hugs are really really important.
Give a HUG today.  A real one to someone you love.  You don't have to say, "I love you", just hug them tight and they'll know.  Now wrap your arms around you tight and know that is me hugging you; I think you should do this and send me vibes so that I can feel it..(haha..and now we'll hold a childrens show.. I need your help kids..hug me ... I get power from your hugs....lol - some of you will get that)

;)
Love you..
xoxo..smile
millions - infinity

Another zombie post..

Over the years.. Love has come and gone, friendships have come and gone, time has come and gone.. I think for sure I recognize what is important at this point. For sure what matters are those people and relationships that stand firm. Those people that love you through the heartache and support you even when you know you're being irrational. 
The last few weeks have gone by slowly for me, and honestly I am having trouble with self esteem a little. I know most people that know me don't think this is possible, but self worth is important and quite frankly, I am not gonna act like I feel totally worthy.
I consciously decided how I was going to handle everything, and that has been helpful. Not great and there are still moments when I feel myself falling. I am a pretty positive person and know that no matter what happens I am fine, but that doesn't stop the anxiety at times..
I cannot keep up this blog everyday, sorry tommy, but my life is simply not that amusing right now and neither are my thoughts. I do love you all and I will blog every couple days or when I have something interesting to say.

Went to see World War Z today. I liked it. Very much actually. I do believe those zombies were much scarier than the zombies on Walking Dead.  Brad Pitt.. Yeah I don't see the heart throb thing. He's not all that... I'll tell you what though, I've been listening to the book "Scarlet" it's the sequel to "Cinder".. There is a character in the book named Wolf and he's this rough, large, disturbed guy that is protective of Scarlet and I think I love him.. Think my favorite book character since Wade Watts.. My cars namesake.

Okay enough for today and yesterday.
Love.. Xoxo.. Infinity and millions..
9 days til CA.. Wonder if I'll even come back to Indiana this time.

Tomatoes..

So lately I've been on a tomato kick. I sure love everything about them. I'm thinking it's helping my waist line too, but I seriously have been getting excited about the idea of a tomato for lunch every day. It seems like every summer I go a little crazy about some fruit or veggie.. This summer is the tomato.. Last was pluots (plum/apricot).. Tomatoes are much better for you tho with very little sugar. I've said this before but dill pickles, olives and tomatoes, I am certain they are part of my heaven. Along with laguna Beach of course. It's weird because I know God made those things specifically for me. :)
In an hour or so my sweet baby girl will be here to swim with aunt jess and grandma Nanette and then we're all going to the Marion County fair tonight.
Zach will be back tomorrow;although, he's going straight to his dad's for another week, at least I'll get to hear his voice and text with him again. This week has made me an emotional basket case. I'm not sorry about any of it, but I know I've had some crazy thoughts and feelings. I can't wait for next weekend when I get to cuddle up next to him and watch a movie or something. I love that young man, and hope he has learned a lot on this trip.
Love to you all.
Xoxo.. Millions and infinity

Nanette...

Today... Went to Lebanon to do some black box work.. Then went to see the most beautiful 2 year old I know, my niece.. And her wonderful beautiful smart grandma... Nanette is so good with her.. When she needed her diaper changed and aunt jess volunteered.. She said "and you can show aunt jess what you can do with shaving creme.." wow.. What a fantastic idea.. We made all kinds of stuff on that mirror..
I love Nanette..
Grandma's are so cool right..
Mom.. You know.. This is why zach is weird about you right..
Grandma's are wonderful..