Friday, June 22, 2012

Wondrous, Crazy, Weird Emotions

Emotions are very interesting, and being emotional isn't always bad. In the past few years, I have gone through a lot.  I have learned and grown a lot.  I have decided that love is the utmost important thing for me.  People are great.  Friends are fantastic. Family is wonderful.
I'm not sure that everyone fully understands how busy I am.  I work a full time 8-5 job (IT Support Center Manager for Wabash National), I started a new business with Emily Wolfgang in Lebanon called the Little Black Box Theatre Company, and I'm a full time Indiana Wesleyan student.  I also, make sure that I do things for people or with people in my life all the time, like tonight walking in Relay for Life, having a cookout for family, watching my beautiful baby niece overnight Saturday (excited totally), hanging with my daughter while she's with us, being there for Gary and Zach still, etc. . . (I'm not telling you all of this, because I don't want you around or because I feel like any ONE thing is overpowering another, so don't you go getting all emotional on me.)
Anyway, I feel overwhelmed at times, and then something like I find my cousin happens.  The same cousin that my Grandmother asked me to find 18 months ago on her death bed to tell her a few things.  My heart still breaks at the thought of my grandmother and my grandfather.  In looking through my cousins Facebook page, I see that she's friends with some of the extended family, so maybe someone has informed her of their deaths.  I hope I'm not going to be the one to deliver that news. So noticing some of the extended family, I add them as friends, even though I don't really know them.  They have old pictures of my grandparents, and know them and miss them.  This adds so much sadness and happiness all at the same time.  The mixture of my emotions is so crazy.  I'm thinking I need a frontal lobotomy sometimes.
I upset someone close to me last night by telling her that she was emotional.  I didn't realize that this was going to hurt her, but it did.  Emotion is something I understand well.  I also understand that we can control them, so that if we don't want to be upset, we can be happy.  Sometimes people just want to be sad, and that is okay.  I have trouble controlling mine, but I know how to do it.  I do not do sad people well, and I know that.  I do not handle upset people with kid gloves.  My kids know, that if it is something really REALLY bad, I'm there to hold and comfort, but usually, I push them to smile and be happy.  I push them to find an outlet like this blog to make things a little easier to say to the world.  This blog to me has become sort of a diary, which is kind a cool, but that means that I'm again wearing emotions on my sleeve.  It also means, that you all know me VERY well by now.
Some days I feel like I have it all together, and that I am growing up so well.  (heehee)  Other days, I feel like I'm so confused and messed up.  Oh well, I will smile through it.  I refuse to spend a day moping.
Hey -  It rained a little in Lebanon last night..it was only a little..but it smelled wonderful.

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