Wondrous, Crazy, Weird Emotions

Emotions are very interesting, and being emotional isn't always bad. In the past few years, I have gone through a lot.  I have learned and grown a lot.  I have decided that love is the utmost important thing for me.  People are great.  Friends are fantastic. Family is wonderful.
I'm not sure that everyone fully understands how busy I am.  I work a full time 8-5 job (IT Support Center Manager for Wabash National), I started a new business with Emily Wolfgang in Lebanon called the Little Black Box Theatre Company, and I'm a full time Indiana Wesleyan student.  I also, make sure that I do things for people or with people in my life all the time, like tonight walking in Relay for Life, having a cookout for family, watching my beautiful baby niece overnight Saturday (excited totally), hanging with my daughter while she's with us, being there for Gary and Zach still, etc. . . (I'm not telling you all of this, because I don't want you around or because I feel like any ONE thing is overpowering another, so don't you go getting all emotional on me.)
Anyway, I feel overwhelmed at times, and then something like I find my cousin happens.  The same cousin that my Grandmother asked me to find 18 months ago on her death bed to tell her a few things.  My heart still breaks at the thought of my grandmother and my grandfather.  In looking through my cousins Facebook page, I see that she's friends with some of the extended family, so maybe someone has informed her of their deaths.  I hope I'm not going to be the one to deliver that news. So noticing some of the extended family, I add them as friends, even though I don't really know them.  They have old pictures of my grandparents, and know them and miss them.  This adds so much sadness and happiness all at the same time.  The mixture of my emotions is so crazy.  I'm thinking I need a frontal lobotomy sometimes.
I upset someone close to me last night by telling her that she was emotional.  I didn't realize that this was going to hurt her, but it did.  Emotion is something I understand well.  I also understand that we can control them, so that if we don't want to be upset, we can be happy.  Sometimes people just want to be sad, and that is okay.  I have trouble controlling mine, but I know how to do it.  I do not do sad people well, and I know that.  I do not handle upset people with kid gloves.  My kids know, that if it is something really REALLY bad, I'm there to hold and comfort, but usually, I push them to smile and be happy.  I push them to find an outlet like this blog to make things a little easier to say to the world.  This blog to me has become sort of a diary, which is kind a cool, but that means that I'm again wearing emotions on my sleeve.  It also means, that you all know me VERY well by now.
Some days I feel like I have it all together, and that I am growing up so well.  (heehee)  Other days, I feel like I'm so confused and messed up.  Oh well, I will smile through it.  I refuse to spend a day moping.
Hey -  It rained a little in Lebanon last night..it was only a little..but it smelled wonderful.

April was a learning month for me. . .

April was a major learning month for me, and another life changer.  I have learned so many things about myself lately, and to sum it up, I really like me.  I know to a lot of people that sounds conceited.  Really, it's not that I'm conceited at all.  I have struggled a lot in my life to feel comfortable in my own skin.  I've never been pretty enough or skinny enough or well..anything enough..It's taken me almost 35 years to decide that I am all of those things.  I have a great guy and 3 wonderful children and a Lord that love me. I was raised by two parents that loved each other all of my childhood, and parents and grandparents that absolutely taught me the value of LOVE.  I am so lucky and so thankful to have all that I have had.  Do me a favor today - - - Know that today is going to be a good day and SMILE.  ;)

I was thinking recently about how many people I have in my life that I care so much about, and I know I've said this before, but each person is like a snowflake to me.  You are all so dear and I love you so much.  Well maybe all of you are not dear to me, like maybe my ex-husband's wife..she's kinda not nice at all.

Last night, my dad called to invite me to a "family cookout" that my Uncle Terry is throwing this weekend.  Terry is now the Patriarch of our family, and honestly, without someone pushing, our family will probably never get together as a whole again.  I called Terry to explain that I'm walking the Mini this weekend, so I won't be able to make this one, but not to give up on me, I promise I will come sometime.  He told me, "It's okay, sweetheart.  I love you."  This is crazy, but I cried so hard at those words from him.  My uncles and I have not been very close, especially the last 15 years or so (man, I feel old).  It's dumb..I know they all love me, but I somehow feel more attached to them all now that Grandpa is gone.  Life is so weird sometimes.

Side note. . . I believe I'm starting a business with two other wonderful women soon.  This won't affect the day job, but I'm meeting on Sunday to go over some stuff.  This will be a storefront that holds acting classes in the evenings for children mostly, but we may do some adult stuff.  I'm pretty excited, and I know everything about running my own business now with an 'A' in that Entrepreneurship class (haha).  Wish us luck!  More to come on this subject. . . . .