Bragging on the boy...

This week Zach is with his dad. He's been taking his first online course. High school biology to get those credits out of the way. Anyway anyone that knows my boy knows this means a lot of mom saying 'where are you in the class'..And 'when is the next due date.?'

Yesterday he texted me in a panic that his instructor didn't get his unit 3 exam, which he checked on all on his own. He then worked with me quickly to get it submitted. He also emailed his instructor letting him know what had happened. I am so proud of him. I told him what to do and he was so much easier than talking even a client through much easier things. He didn't ask a bunch of dumb questions, he just did it.

I love you, Zacheriah. To infinity and beyond my baby boy.

Xoxo, millions

Drama on Facebook...

Wow... It has been a long long time in between posts. I read something today that almost got me on a soap box, so I decided to blog it..

Facebook is great. I absolutely love keeping up with babies and marriages and old friends. I don't mind hearing about normal dramas from one day to the next, but it amazes me how many people want to post serious drama. Like my ex is such a liar or I was arrested because my baby was in the car while I had weed in there.
Seriously people... Stop posting so much serious shit out there that no one really wants to respond to. If you are getting responses, generally someone is feeling sorry for you. There is a private message feature that can let you address these things to your closest friends or the people who you know will respond to make you feel better.
I get posting about something negative and I'm down with that. It's the argumentative posts that you think will win you friends over your ex or the stupid posts about things that can still damage your lives I'm concerned with.
If you are on my friends list I have valued you or do value you. I'm asking that we stop using my wall as a battering ram before I have to block you all from the wall.  If you read this and you are wondering if I am talking about you, probably not. There have been a few specific friends of mine and they'll know who they are by what I have written.

With all that said. I believe I'm going to start doing this again. I very much enjoy it, and it's a good release.

Love to you all.
Xoxo, millions and to infinity.

Again on the subject of love...

Been thinking about this a lot lately. The heart is such a funny thing. It's interesting how many people think love is so strange. I have for years now decided that love was the most important thing. Not just because I'm a Christian and I know it's what Jesus did and what I know he'd want from me, but also because it's so much more easy to love than to not. Recently someone did enter my life that I have found loving not so easy. It's hard to feel free and open when someone wants to take something important or someone important from you. I have been pushing and hoping that someday I could convince the person I fear I'll lose to see what is going on, but instead, I'm creating some grief for myself and for this person that is not necessary.  I know that the person this is directed at will know what I'm babbling about. Anyway love is not an emotion that has to be earned when it comes to me. We're interconnected and love is sometimes the only thing you can give, so from this day forward I am gonna try harder.

Sometimes the best way to fix things is to let them be.

Now a little on loss.
Isn't it so funny to sad to think of what the people that have moved on are missing out on. Yesterday while uploading a stupid YouTube video, I thought about my grandpa would be cursing that, since he loved the whole "spacebook" thing so much. I miss his comments about technology so much. I just miss him. Life is so short, I hope all of you are making choices that embrace that.

I know... I know.. Haven't blogged in months and then this one is all weird.. I'll try to do better.

Xoxo.. Millions.. To infinity and beyond

Change in a year

It's amazing how fast days and months and years go by the older you get, but something I thought of the other day was "It's almost Christmas again, but Wow..it was this time last year, when I lost the job I thought I'd be a retiree at."  I know...Who would have thought that such an irritating turn of events would put me where I am today?  I have to say, there is NO other company I would want to work for.  I just found out today that if we actually use our 6 volunteer days, we get 1000 dollars to put towards our charity of choice.  There is not really another company I can think of that does all this wonderful things for it's employees and the community, and how do they find the perfect people to be around?  I dunno, but it's totally fantastic.

A year ago, when I was planning zach's birthday bash, we were in Lebanon and I was broke because of the business and no job, yet we made a great day for the boy.  This year, it's such a strange place to be.  We're in Greenwood, which is feeling like home more and more.

Life is just one weird change after another, and I remember feeling like my life was falling all apart.  Actually I've had that feeling twice in one year.  (almost a desperation)  I'm glad I gave up my control of the situation and let God lead me. I am in love with my life and with my man and with my kids and well just about everything.  I wish you all a happy light at the end of the tunnel.

To all my Wabasheans - I still miss you all.  I will probably always miss you, but na na a boo boo I have it way better than you. ;)

Warning!! If you want negative, do NOT read. . .

Yeah I know, I know.  It's been a long time since the last one.  Quite frankly, I don't have enough to complain about anymore to keep up a daily blog, and honestly I know that hearing happiness rolling off of me is not that exciting for everyone.  It's kinda like the news, if it isn't like a train wreck, it's too easy to look away.  What do I mean by that?  Well if you aren't hearing bitching and complaining and someone is just well seeing rainbows and butterflies, no one wants to hear it all the time.  It's hard to complain when I am almost giddy happy in my career, and my personal life, and my church family and my friends and well when I am filled with a pure joy so often.  I'll try to come up with some quirky complaints at times.

So I'm going to just try to come up with weird off the wall stuff for a while.

I started playing with a new tool today called jing.  http://www.techsmith.com/jing.html  It is really cool, I think everyone should check it out.  It's a fast easy way to send someone a screencast to show them what you're doing or seeing on your pc...and it's FREE.

I am definitely not an economist.  I struggled through my homework last night which I got a B on somehow.  Somehow...seriously I didn't realize how much math went with the economy.  Dumb, but true.  I have to calculate 20% for a tip on my fingers, so this is going to be challenging.

So watched the last ever Dexter earlier, and meh...not impressed.  Didn't really care for that ending.  I am getting excited about the new show that I have recording right now Marvel's agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. that Zach talked me into earlier.  Oh my goodness I love superheros.

I am still looking for a vampire, so....if you know anyone that can help me with the immortal thing, please let me know.

Oh and I won a giftcard at work today for posting twitter and instagram ET posts.  How CRAZY is that?  I do this stuff cuz I love it and I get rewarded.  Now if only I can get the +ExactTarget to follow me it might make my life. I am seriously in love with being Orange.  Thinking about dying one strand of hair orange.  *smile*

Have I told you that I love you lately, probably not if you don't talk to me on a reg basis.  I do though.  I love you all.

Have a GREAT week or so until I blog again.

xoxo..millions and infinity.

My flying experience. . . Superwoman

Okay - so. . .Who knew..
Jumping out of a plane does not make your tummy do flip flops (other than nerves).  You do not get the feeling of a drop like riding a roller coaster, although, if you are too afraid to do a roller coaster, there is no way you will jump out of a plane at 12000 feet.  Let me just say, we were about half way up (about 5000 feet) when I asked if we were almost there, and I was almost laughed at.  Well that is when I started thinking, I do not really remember anything this handsome guy has tried to teach me.  Then when Jenn decided she wanted to go before me, I was fine, until I saw her leave the plane. . . Probably that's when I felt most nervous, for a second or two until I followed her.  And then it was like, crazy not scary..more like "I am flying" and "oh my gosh, the ground doesn't even look or feel like it's getting closer" Until the moment when the parachute went open and then everything was super super calm.  Honestly the calmest most serene feeling EVER.  Like it would be good for a person who meditates to feel that.

Anyway - after the super soft landing, Jenn and I hugged and decided we wanted to go again.  I have already purchased our second jump that I think we'll schedule for April or May.  This is an amazing experience that I think everyone should try.  I know everyone won't, but it was fantastically cool.


Okay - and so. . . I love my job btw...LOVE it.  My heart is filled with joy when I even think of it.  Next week is Connections in Indy which is a week of Marketers coming together from tons of companies all under the ExactTarget umbrella.  Pretty neat.  Imagine Dragons next Wednesday.

Now I am going to determine my next wild and crazy thing...Any suggestions?

You'll want to read the whole thing. . .

There are some things about living in an apartment on the third floor that SUCK.  Like yesterday I left my keys in my car (yeah, I have a push button starter key that was in my pocket, but when I left to go meet my beautiful new niece, I locked up and took my keys to the car).  This meant that this morning, I was the last one out and I decided not to even lock the door cuz I was too lazy to walk down to my car and then back up.  Another thing that has happened to me a few times is that I forget the key fab in the apartment and get to my car and realize and then have to come all the way back up.  Not to mention that shopping and carrying stuff up the stairs really is so much FUN..I know this is all small really, but they're just things I decided to complain about.  I do have things in my life that aren't all peachy all the time, just not that much.

So. . . I also had a moment of intense sadness today.  It didn't last a really long time, and the reason is quite personal, but I did actually feel the feeling and let tears flow for a few minutes and then, I got better.  I decided that I couldn't keep feeling that way.  It was a new thing for me.  I am really working on feeling bad emotions and letting them go.  I don't mean forgetting or not recognizing them, it's just that so many things can't be changed by you feeling bad about it, so I don't want to dwell anymore on the bad or the sad.  I challenge you to do the same, it is sure liberating to know that you don't have to carry that load.

Now on to a happy thought..
Transport - yes, they can transport atoms across the room now, how long do you think it will take to transport a person around the world?  Do you realize that less than 100 years ago was when we first went into space..?  Can you even fathom how far in technology we've come in the past 50 years, heck how about the last 10?  I'm so excited to see what happens in the next 10.

Did you know that Cottonelle has a wet wipe for adults that is flush-able?  I didn't either until I did some research on a common household item for my Marketing class.  Yeah seriously, they need to be more out there with that one.  I think I might try it.  This is gonna sound ridiculous, but it was only a few weeks ago that I was thinking about how really gross it is that we wipe our butts with dry paper.  How clean can that really make you?  :)
https://www.cottonelle.com/products/cottonelle-fresh-care-flushable-moist-wipes

We're having a baby. . .

No - DUH...not me...that would so not be cool. . .
So tomorrow is a very exciting day.  My new baby niece will be here in the morning, and I will go meet her for the first time in the evening.  Pretty happy about all that.

So. . . Have you ever seen someone or known someone that has a mean resting face?  My bro mentioned that to me the other day when we saw a poster of a couple of mean looking but beautiful women.  He said, "Those are some mean resting faces."  I have been noticing mean faces ever since.  There was this man walking down the road downtown yesterday that had a frown face so big, I don't think that if he did smile the cracks of his mouth would even break an even plain.  I wish people as a whole seemed happier.

It is way cool to work at ET.  I seriously think there are so many people that think their jobs are good, but they have NO idea how good it could be.  Like I know that I liked working at Wabash, but  . . . Wabash National has NOTHING on ExactTarget.  This is the most fantastic place ever.  I've been there almost a month and I can't believe it's been that long.  I'm not saying the job is easy, because it's definitely a lot to learn fast, but it is so nice to work at a place that knows that they're force feeding you information and that you are not going to fly on day one.  Although, I have taken a few cases this week and closed them...yay...
Got a new pair of Orange Converse and wore them today.  Orange - what a great color.

Last nights -- Newsroom  - - - Whoa right...I'm glad we finally found out what the lawyers were actually doing, and that it ended the way it did.  LOVE that show.

So I started using Spotify this week.  It's interesting that I've had an account for a long time, but just realized how cool it really is.  Awesome how it learns what I want to listen to on my radio channels.  Music is GREAT.  Hey, did you know that at Ryobi, I was told that  we were not ALLOWED to listen to music.  How crazy is that...?  Anyway, I think music is a staple that I will never live without at work again.

Fabutastic...

It's kinda hard to blog often when all you can do is talk about how great things are going. I don't want anything to jinx things, and that sounds superstitious.  I could talk about how things seem overwhelming sometimes. Learning lots and started school back up and Black Box fall sessions starting.. Lots of stuff.. BUT.....
ExactTarget is a fabutastic place to work. It's nice to know all these people I'm meeting. They are likeable and soft, but not soft like you're thinking. I worked at a foundry last and the people were hard there. The kinds that hold grudges and are just tough.. That's not bad either, but not laid back and comfortable. This is a new kind of love... It's great. 
New John Mayer cd out tomorrow.. Not a Huge fan anymore, but i got it anyway.  Maybe I'll review later.

We'll anyway
Love you
Xoxo.. Millions and infinity

Happy happy happy

I'm making some yummy spicy chili for dinner. I was so happy when I went out at lunch today and the weather was so perfect and the people downtown are so fun to watch, even without gencon. I admit I am excited about lunch tomorrow though. Maybe I'll get some awesome pictures. I am definitely going to take a walk.
I have to say that I believe more than ever that everything happens for a reason. There are a few people from Ryobi that I really miss and I can only figure they were the reason for that time in my life, but i feel so awake and vibrant now. I love technology and actually being able to help people with problems. I think this job, in thanks to my brother, is sent from Heaven.
Downtown is something I never expected to like. I was so wrong. So I'm a people watcher as most of you know, and today I stopped in Starbucks to get an ice coffee. While I was waiting, I noticed a guy sitting at the counter was coloring on a little food baggie. Not only coloring but intently coloring a scribble mess, but i think to him it was a masterpiece. I found this fantastic. I, of course, knowing people would not necessarily believe me, decided to take a few pictures that were completely unbeknownst to him. I will not post them or anything, because I obviously judged him, and it was completely wrong of me. I love people though and observing down there is really interesting to me. Consider this my confession to the world.

Don't forget tonight is a new duck dynasty.

Love you all.
Xoxo.. Millions and infinity

Blurb...

Wow.. Been a long time since the last one. I wasn't sure what to say or what not to say for a bit now, didn't want to jinx things. I can honestly say that I am in love with ExactTarget. I cannot believe how wonderful it is to be orange. The people are great along with the product and concept. We just had a four day on-boarding training the was a group of people from all different walks. It was fantastic.

Yeah so yesterday was my birthday and I am very thankful for all of you that let me know you were thinking of me. Of course, I am feeling a little old and this year was the first so far that I've felt that way. Also it interesting to work at a company where the average age is probably 30.

Its weird at Ryobi I only felt like I connected at all with 2 people and this week alone I feel so much a part of everything and everyone at ExactTarget.  I have a fb friend from Sweden now even. He's Italian, but lives in Sweden. Also met a Scottish woman living in Australia now. Been an amazing week. I hope I always feel this way. Weird to almost be excited about what tomorrow brings at work. I'm certain I have never felt that way before.

Also this week I started a marketing course (back to the Masters Program). How fitting is it that I started a marketing class and started at a wonderful marketing company in one week? Very cool how things work out.

So.. In case anyone is interested.. Almost caught up now on Game of Thrones. Very awesome show.

K... Loving you
Missing most of you too..
Xoxo.. Millions and infinity

Shots and hair cuts ...

I'm going to talk about shots that hurt..

Personally the worst shot I have ever received was behind my eyeball.  That was gross and it crunched as the needle went in.  HURT like .... yeah..
Second getting a shot in your heel of your foot - Like from the side - burns and hurts too...The doctor said it would but I was like - yeah whatever. okay it hurt about as bad as getting the spinal block thing..  Anyway..thought I'd share that.

Also, when zach was getting a hair cut today - a lady was telling her son that he was going to get a foehawk even though he was like - no I don't want one...the boy was about 10 and she was telling him how he was going to do what she wanted.  I started thinking..I do push zach to get a haircut when it's over his ears and looks shabby, but I don't tell him what he has to get.  I felt bad for that boy...I don't think parents should tell a kid how they have to wear their hair.  The parent doesn't have to wear it to school and get made fun of...Just some of my thoughts today..

K. bye
Jess - xoxo - millions - infinity

Eye Lashes and Toilets. . .

Good Monday Afternoon to all you gorgeous people.

Today - I fixed my mom's toilet - yeah that's right - I took it up and replaced the wax ring, and yes, there were a few small issues.  Why is it when you do something you've done a few times and you know how to do it and it should be the easiest job on earth is there something that goes wrong or doesn't want to work as you have planned in your mind?  Why are the small jobs sometimes the hardest...?  Well I have determined that maybe I should think that all housework jobs are going to be horrible and then maybe when they're not, I'll be so pleasantly surprised that I'll do a little dance.  I am so glad to live in an apartment where I have great maintenance men to do all my handy work.  In the meantime, are there any good single men out there that want a 50 something beautiful woman - She's honestly the nicest most wonderful mom I've got.  I'd love to set her up with a new handyman that can do things like changing wax rings.

Anyway today's messy job was done about 11 and I had dropped my car off to get new tires...

NOW a praise..I love Pomp's Tire of Lebanon.  Those guys, names Scott and Joe are awesome to work with and they are honest and good guys.  I will continue to take my car there even though I live in Greenwood.  They were the easy part of my day, and they take good care of Watts..even remembering his name...which to me is so amazing..

Then Zach and I went to Center Grove - Got his schedule and walked around.  We put stuff in his locker and found all his classes which he's feeling GREAT about.  Thank goodness.  Few more days and school starts for him and then a few after that and I start my new exciting job.   God is good.  Certainly.

On a side note, can anyone tell me what eye lashes are really good for...?  I'm so tired of having them fall into my eyes..would it hurt anything if I pluck them all out?  :)

love you
xoxo millions and infinity

Putting it out there again. . .

I'm not writing this to offend anyone, but this is my thoughts blog and if you don't want to read it - I totally get that.

Everyone in their adult life has overcome something, or maybe is in the middle of overcoming now.  I really can't stand when I hear an adult at any age blame their childhood for why they are they way that they are.  Everyone has the right to be whatever they want or whomever they want.  So I know this guy that seriously has no legs from just above the knees down, and he's climbing mountains.  I know that you may say, well mine was the loss of someone important..well we all lose someone important at some point in our lives.   When I was in high school, I had a good friend that got into a car wreck with his sister who was my biology partner.  His sister died in that wreck and he had to go through some major rehab to just walk again, so please give me a break..we all have trials and tribulations.  I know that things get hard sometimes, and that we all have moments where we get depressed, but maybe before you put it out there in a way where it's all doom and gloom you can think about all of those that have it worse than you do, or have had it worse.  And then..what always helps me - I know you're not all me, nor would you want to be - but what helps me is to love someone or do something nice that you wouldn't normally do for someone.  Look into their eyes when they're truly grateful and then you'll know you're okay.

Something else, I'm gonna ask my facebook friends..this is not a demand, it's a request...I am okay when I'm out at a bar or hanging with someone and the occasional curse word escapes, heck I do it to sometimes, but please don't post a lot of "F" this and "F" that on your status.  I don't want to block anyone that is regularly on my news feed, but I don't want to read that crap.  Be tasteful please, and know that our children are out in FB land too.  Thanks..

On a lighter note, some of you know this, some of you don't...I will be starting next Monday at ExactTarget and I'm oh so excited about this...I love the place, so different than my life has been lately.

Love you all..
Jess
xoxo, Millions and Infinity

Rambling on. . .

Okay while last week was quite busy and interesting, this week, not so much so far.  That's okay though, I'm sure it'll turn out fine, and I'm sure that once I get my boy back home on Thursday I'll be feeling better about some stuff.
Still in the middle of Season One - Game of Thrones, and while I see the appeal, i'm not sure that it appeals to me all that much.   I do like the brute gorgeous men in the show, don't get me wrong, but i'm just not enthralled at this point.  Maybe I'll get there as time goes on, maybe not...Zach keeps trying to get me to get into Dr. Who, and well, I feel like I gave that as much time as I want to give it.
I realize I have been blogging less and less, but it's harder and harder for me to come up with topics I want to talk about.  I know right, me not rambling is kinda strange for me too.  I still have plenty to ramble on and on about, but I'm less inclined to do so right now.
Oh yeah, I talked about how great the best buy protection plan is, and it is a good deal, but used to be that I could just walk in anytime after they got my phone and they'd let me have the new, now you have to make an appointment or you can walk in, but it's with Geek Squad, so the walk in times are ridiculous.  Kinda pissed me off when I went to pick up Saturday morning.  The guys said it'd be at least an hour wait; this is seriously me picking up a phone, I don't need help from them to swap a sim card..geezz..Anyway, I didn't do it, instead I called in and made an appointment for 2 today.  Just thought that the process was going to be better now that they let me keep the old phone, and maybe it still is...I dunno..
Went to the Train concert Friday with the kids and my mom.  Gary has no desire to go there with us, but I don't really get why, honestly the best concert I have ever been to, besides them last year.  They do a great concert.

Nothing too important . . .

By the way - this is post 302 ever..kinda neat that I missed 300 and woah...really, I've written 301 of these things.. wow..

Okay so, a few things..One down - two more to go...what an exciting week.
Zach's braces are off, and it's not like I thought he wasn't handsome before, but again..woah..he's a cute young man..with that handsome gorgeous smile.  He's happy and so am I.

I think being friends with Phil from Duck Dynasty would be awesome.  He's so..calm and well..grounded..haha..I'd like to listen to his wisdom all day long - not eat anything around him or maybe even touch anything around him, but I would like to listen to him.  Happy Happy Happy..

So I created a Tumblr account today, because I saw the CEO on the Colbert Report last night.  I had no idea what Tumblr was or is really, but I figure I'll try to figure it out.  So far, I'm not really impressed, less impressive even is that Yahoo owns them now...so....Like I said, I'll figure out if there is anything great - and if there is - I'll report on it.

Oh - BTW..if I haven't blogged this before, Best Buy has the best phone replacement insurance EVER.  I got my Samsung Galaxy S4 about a month or so ago, and took it in for a replacement (cracked screen) - they ask no questions, just order you a new one.. Jenn has used it like 4 times and I used it about 3 with my Galaxy Note - and not this S4 - honestly the best insurance..just saying.  I even have Zach's iphone covered with them.  So if he does anything to it, drops it - or I even run over it - they replace it for like 8 a month, and as many times as it happens.  So if that means 4 iphones a year, that's fine with them.  (it's all about the odds of a person not using the insurance ya know - I'm sure some people buy it and don't use it, not my family though).

k,
love ya
Jess
millions/infinity

Dreams and reality. . .

So, I'm caught up now on Newsroom, which I have to say is my favorite show, and I totally do not like the News which is hilarious.  Last night, Gary said, "Oh yeah this is about the Occupy Wallstreet" and I said, "huh?" and he was like, "You remember it lasted a long time, it was the protestors..." and I heard blah blah after that...but I said, "Nope, remember I don't watch the news?" and he said, "You did know that we got Osama Bin Laden, right?" to which I told him that only because of the Newsroom show, and I was totally impressed...lol..but on a more serious note, it's weird, cuz I don't want to hear all the negative stuff going on in the world, but I do love that show so much that I hope they make it forever.  Yeah peeps, I just said forever, knowing that the word is a fictional word.

I'm also caught up on Dexter, these shows have been our evening viewing lately.  Dexter has lost it's ummppff for me over the years though.  I'm kinda glad it's gonna come to a close.

I had one of those nights where I had several dreams that kept leading back to the first one last night and it was kinda eerie.  The first one was at a college and my grandparents were there taking classes.  For whatever reason I asked them to stay there until I got back, because I had something to take care of.  Later, I felt guilty when I was kinda in a completely different dream and jumped on a water slide that took me back to the college and I found them again.  And when I found them in a library type place studying, my grandma said, "well we were waiting on you to get back."  She asked me for computer help and I told her I had to find where it was plugged in - when I left the room, the dream when totally in a different direction and I forgot about them again, I was chasing some kid down a hallway and I remembered that I said I'd be right back to my grandma and felt guilty again.  I started looking in all the rooms and couldn't find them anywhere.  Well anyway, I didn't find them again and woke up feeling miserable at about 3.  I sat on the side of the bed and let the sad feelings over take me for a few minutes and then laid back down.  No more dreaming all night.
Okay so why do we sometimes let our dreams effect us so much?  I dunno, but sometimes I feel like they're truly the only way to hold on to some things.  In my dreams, I can see people I can't see anymore, and do things that no one knows or cares about.  Isn't that cool really?

Wish me luck this week...this is the week of interviews...yes I said interviews..multiple.  woot woot - say a prayer.

Jess
Millions / Infinity / xoxo
Love to all

Are all feelings a choice. . .

So...I was watching After Earth with Zach a few days ago, or hell, maybe yesterday..I dunno but in that movie Will Smith explains how fear is a choice, and how you do not have to feel that. Agreed.  I made sure to make sure Zach heard that, too...cuz he was more than a little scared on the Queen Mary earlier this week.

After that I watched the show Perception which is quite possibly one of my favorites and Daniel Pierce is giving a lecture about love where he mentions that maybe love is only "what you perceive" of the other person.  He explains that love is maybe something that we also can choose.  I have been a person that advocates that you can choose how you feel and how you deal with that for many years now, but here's the thing..I choose to love people when I don't necessary like them, but I'm not sure I can choose not to love someone.  Fear is something that I can see that is a choice, the same as anger, and sadness.  I am not sure about love though.  Is that my weakness or is it a strength?

Next - I am a Christian, but I also believe that everything evolves.  I think that it is closed minded to think that it isn't possible that we change to fit our surroundings, so next my question is...have we always loved?  and also, do animals love, you can see that they fear and get angry, so do you think they feel love like we do?

I have been in love many times in my life, not a one quite like the other, but that kind of love isn't something I feel like can be dismissed.  It's not something I feel like I can choose, but on the other hand, if it is possible, that would be a good thing to learn.  And then I think, did I actually love these people as deeply as it felt at the time, or was it my perception of what I wanted them to be like.  Did I instead love only the perception I created in the time I thought about them for endless hours?  Hmm...ponder that..

The love for my kids...that cannot be helped..Not a choice..it just is.

Okay - well for now,  I love you..prolly not in love, but love none the less..Well maybe in love..depends on who you are..;)

TTYL - Jess
Millions and Infinity..

you know where i'm at

I wrote this whole serious blog and then determined that I'm just not ready to share it.  Maybe someday.
Been listening to some Gavin DeGraw - Love that guy

Well, before you go away
I'm gonna give you all that I can say
The truth is harder to amuse
But when you know it's wrong
You got to cut it loose

Oh, it's better up ahead
The worst is over now
Remember what I said
Live, you don't have to look back
But if you ever do,
You know where I'm at

Well now you know where I'm at - back in Indiana after a week of paradise.  Of course, this trip did have many more hiccups than any other California trip, but it was still fantastic.

I found a new hotel favorite - Sand and Surf Resort in Laguna was really nice.  The Capri - NOT so much..even though their website looks good, it's a sure thing that I won't be going back there.

Well - love to all.

Jess

wish you were here...

As I lay here..i try to think about what to blog about..

I'm here in this place I love so much, but with only a few of the people I love.  I hear the waves lapping outside and we're all wore out.  Love doesn't feel like the right word for how I feel about California and the beach here.  I realize that I'll prolly never live here and that's okay, it is a nice place to visit.  Bliss...I feel like this place makes me feel a total blissfulness.  Like the puffy clouds on a spring day with no humidity in Indiana...makes me happy.  Not Like a Winter day in Indiana though...definitely not into cold..

I do have a more serious issue I'd like to address with you all.. but on a more serious day..

Okay - so...

yeah..I got nothing..really

Been a great day...and yesterday and the day before...Wish you were here..if you aren't..

LOVE..Millions/infinity..