Sunday, March 31, 2013

Yes, I'm a believer. . . And not ashamed

Today I look at the clouds and I feel you.
I hear my niece talk and I know you're there.
I hug my momma and I feel  your love
Thank you - My Lord - for the peace that I have.

Thank you to Will and Nanette Eshelman for inviting us to a beautiful Easter dinner.  It was wonderful.  I really do love you both, and am very happy to have you as family.

When I think over the last year, I know that my faith was tested.  I questioned so many things.  It's all okay; I'm good and only getting better, but losing Grandpa (both of them really)was extremely hard for me.  I know - you may read this, and say, "grandpa?...well everyone dies and he was your grandpa, not your dad or anything."  He wasn't just a grandpa - he was an awesome grandpa to me.  Anyway - Almost a year ago (Friday) my grandpa left this earthly body that failed him so many times over the years.  He became in my mind something so much bigger and better than anything I have imagined before.  Also, he became a part of what I call "my heaven".  This is a hut on Laguna Beach with a few people nearby that I love so dearly.  Grandpa - I miss your jokes...I miss your hugs...I miss our talks...I miss you totally, but I see you in a whole heck of a lot of my dreams, and that's pretty cool.

On to something different - not lighter really - but different.

I am in no way better than anyone, I'd like to start off by saying that. I know that everyone has feelings about all of this, and I am not saying I'm right, but I'm also not thinking you have to read this.  If I offend you or you don't agree, that is fine, don't read my posts.
So, I don't watch the news, most of you know that. (I say it a lot) - I did hear about the North Korea threats and I know that we're not happy about it as an American people.  I totally get that I am not one of the Beatles.  I get that maybe it's not my place to scold the world, but. . .
Love one another, people.  Care for one another - don't do anything to someone that you wouldn't have them do to you.  Everyone has spats and disagreements, but that doesn't mean you should take action physically against anyone.  I'm certain that so many people think I was born in the wrong decade, well I'm saying that we don't put love into the equation nearly enough.  It's a pretty simple thing.

OH WHAT a beautiful day - huh?  - - - Did you see those gorgeous white puffy clouds?  That right there - That is my happy place. . . That and Laguna of course.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Happy . . .

Happy by Never Shout Never - Yeah, I've had that song stuck in my head for days now.  I guess that's a good song to have in my head.  It could be something dark and gloomy, but its something sweet and upbeat. I have now finished updating the Black Box website for anyone interested http://www.littleblackboxtheatrecompany.com/  Order tickets online if possible, especially for the Beauty and the Beast plays..We're doing those at the Milk Building which is uber cool, but we have limited seating.  I'll add some info about the Milk building sometime when I'm not exhausted.  http://themilkbuilding.com/ for anyone interested in the history of the place.  A few of our kids - were selected by Broadway Jr. to do voices in the Sound of Music Jr. - for their cds. Chosen out of thousands of kids and we have THREE of them.  Just had to brag about that.  I sure love our kids.  Congrats to Cynthia Kauffman, Katherine Patterson and Tucker Ransom.

Gary and I stayed at the apartment last night for the first time.  It was actually the first time we got to see our actual new home.  I did have a little bit of a panic attack.  It's probably about a third of the size of where we are now, and while I really love my boys, I worry that not having a way to get away from them..will be claustrophobic for me.  Gary helped me with this though.  He's alright sometimes.  ;)  I do really love the bathrooms there.  I know.  I know...bathrooms...

okay so...

You make me happy - whether you know it or not
We should be happy - that's what I said from the start
I am so happy - knowing you are the one that I want for the rest of my daaayyyss..
For the rest of my days
You're all of my days..
................................

My love to you all...g'nite.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Thoughts about YOU!

Ok...So..I understand that some people have a tendency to make everything negative.  "What color is the sky?"  It can't be an interesting beautiful gray, but instead its a murky solemn lonely gray.  Well...I am so over your sad responses, I have decided that almost everything can get a positive spin.  "It's rainy today" - well isn't it nice that there are days like this to make you really appreciate when it's sunny.  Calm down people...stop deciding that because something isn't ideal right now in your mind, that is has to a be a bad thing.  There are a few people that consider so many things to be bad or wrong or a problem.  And so many of my friends on Facebook that WHINE about everything.  Stop it, or I will unfriend you, I'm tired of listening to/reading your sad sob stories, so if that means that you don't get to be a part of my Facebook world.  Fine!  I think I might have been as negative as the normal person once in my life, but I will never be like that.  EVER!  In general, life is too short to be so upset about things, and if you're unhappy with your situation - CHANGE IT!  I know some people will be like "easy for you to say"...yes it is...It is easy for me to say, and also, it should be easy for you to say.  If he isn't nice to you, LEAVE him.  If she is talking shit about you, stay away from her.  If your husband cheated on you, LEAVE him.  It's really not that hard, you should want to be happy and I know I want you to be, so do what it takes to make yourself that way.  I also know that some people aren't happy unless they are trying to bring others down.  I will weed you out and you will no longer be apart of my world.  Just saying.  Be dramatic, but be dramatic in an over the top happy sorta way, and we'll be happy together.  If you are reading this, and you are thinking that maybe I am talking about you - - - - I AM.  - Okay how ironic that I'm being negative about negativity - right?  Just felt like bitching a little.  Okay I'm good now.
Today Gary was talking to me about news stuff at breakfast (I do not watch or listen to news stuff, most people know that about me, so he keeps me up to date sometimes) anyway - I do NOT want to hear about the murder rate going up in Indy by like 30 percent.. Apocalypse is coming - people are losing their heads. I am happy for my Zombie killing tools.  Still looking for a Vampire to bite me, so if you know any (has to be the real thing), send them my way.  
  This week started out rough for me.  My tooth was ridiculously paining me last weekend and into Monday, so I had to have another root canal (same tooth, more money and more pain).  Anyway, I could've been all, "why me?" but what good does that do.  I did notice myself starting to fall into the vacuum of  what I consider to be negative thoughts later this week though, and to those of you that might have heard me, ..oops..I did the "...like really? how can you be this way, and how is it that things are so messed up here?"  Well, I'm understanding a lot of the processes better at Ryobi (as well as a lot of people there do I guess).  My boss said to me yesterday that he had me figured out yesterday, that I am "impatient" --- Not the first time I've been told this, but he's right..I can not stand not Knowing stuff...I am an instant gratification type of person and it is obvious..so definitely something I need to work on. I am so thankful to have all these new people in my life.  They are pretty awesome.
I'm pretty excited that I have all the old people in my life, too.  I have so much love in my heart, which really is fantastic.  I know that Zach and Gary have suffered from all this though; I am pretty busy.  I am about ready to finish the first class (tomorrow hopefully) in my Master's program.  Yay!  Not an 'A' but should be a  high 'B'..this program is way different than the Bachelor's.  Not bad, but different and requires more effort and time than I really have, so I will be happy with a 'B'.
Last night on the way home, I was listening to Gavin DeGraw and texting way too many people while driving (speak text - no worries), but anyway I LOVE Gavin DeGraw (probably not as much as Andy Grammar - Andy has such smiley happy music) - very happy he's opening for Train this summer, can't wait.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

xoxo. . . ;)

Friday Night - Gary showed me the coolest little android easter egg.  The Android version Jellybean allows you to do this.  If you go to Settings and then About phone and tap the android version (mine is 4.2.2) a bunch of times a large Jellybean appears (with a face) - then if you long press the Jellybean a bunch of jellybeans will appear that you can flick around.  It also downloads a daydream that is jellybeans for you.  I know this is silly, but I love it.

This weekend has been a great one.  Yesterday Gary and I signed on our apartment in Greenwood.  We'll be getting the keys on March 20, and starting to spend some time down there (mostly the nights that zach is with his dad and a few weekends maybe).  We then went and bought Zach a new bedroom set to go in the apartment that we should have delivered well before we move in.  Then looked at some new washers and dryers and ate dinner at Bonefish Grill - LOVED it.  A buddy of mine came over last night and ended up staying the night (maybe not so pleasant for her - as she got familiar with my bathroom)..I, however, did well with my limitations.  "A mans got to know his limitations." -Clint Eastwood, Dirty Harry.

Then today, Church was great.  My tooth was bothering me, but a good start to a most wonderful day.  The weather was warm, and I had kids to help me carry down food for the food drive.  Dad and Donna's kids want to make First Baptist their church home, and I think that's great.  Arni's for lunch, some alone time grocery shopping, and then just a few minutes at the Black Box before I came home and finished the Black Box taxes (and filed federal - state Wednesday) ...Also I filed my personal taxes.  Zach is home, made dinner, and the boy sat with us a while, until of course, he started missing his video games.  I am a very lucky woman to have these two wonderful men in my life full time.  I am not so lucky to have a very bad toothache.  Tomorrow is definitely going to warrant a call to a dentist.   Now I'm watching The Bible on the History channel, pretty good show.  I didn't do any homework today, but all in all it was a very productive and fantastic weekend.

We've been doing Irish Blessings this month, so I decided I'd add one to each blog I write.
From Saint Patrick's Breastplate
Christ be with me
Christ before me
Christ behind me
Christ in me
Christ beneath me
Christ above me
Christ on my right
Christ on my left
Christ where I lie
Christ where I sit
Christ where I arise
Christ in the heart of every man
who thinks of me
Christ in the mouth of every man
who speaks of me
Christ in every eye that sees me
Christ in every ear that hears me
Salvation is of the Lord.


Let me also say to all of you - I love you...All of you...Even those of you I don't like much.

Jess

Monday, March 4, 2013

Very short. . .

Week 5 of this class down (2 more to go) and my book is on my way for the next one.  I must say, Masters program, work, family, friends, black box, taxes, church......yes...I can OWN you all.

I smiled through the whole day with some sadness lingering there.  Happy Birthday.  I miss you.  Thanks for being a part of teaching the love that I know and feel.  

Sunday, March 3, 2013

March 4 . . . What's that day to me?

My grandma would have been 77 tomorrow.  She was a very interesting person, and  I honestly thought that she'd be around forever.  I remember when she walked around looking at "weeds" with me to tell me what was edible.  She always cooked greens, yuck, but she also was the first person to make me a fried mushroom and dandelion.  I'm dwelling less and less on how much I miss both her and my Papaw.  Yeah that chubby little girl in the picture is me, and my best friend and cousin Shawn was in that one, too.  Shawn passed away about 16 years ago now.  Wow!  His loss is really hard still sometimes too, isn't that awesome (not in a good way -- awesome) how that works.

When I was tenish, Grandma gave me a copy of A Wrinkle in Time.  That was the book that I have based so much of even my adult reading and listen upon.  I begged for the other series books back then, and I still own copies of all of them.  Grandma was fun - she was a bit of a hypochondriac, but she was so entertaining.  It was fun to actually tell her something that you thought might be wrong with you, so she could tell  you the story about how that same thing happened to her, or how she thought she might have that, too.  Who knows now, maybe she did feel all the same pains, maybe she was in pain the whole time.  Cancer was eating her away and none of us knew it.  Her loss was so painful and is still quite fresh.  I hope she's keeping the angels on their toes and getting answers to the hard questions with my Papaw sitting by her side.  Sometimes when I look at the sky, and the sky is pretty, I wonder why I asked for a tornado painting and not a beautiful blue sky with puffy clouds.  I realize that I was probably the person that she gave the most paintings to, and it makes me really happy that she knew how much I adored her art.  I will love her Always.

Lighter note - this weekend was fantastic.  Thanks for all that came Saturday night for Jenn's/my party.  It was seriously a good time, as always.  I love that I have a great family/friend network even when I piss you all off at one time or another.  I am thankful to have all of you in my life, new and old friends.  Daughter - you are one of the most special people in the world.  Millions and Millions.

Many of you probably know this, but I've got a lot of Irish in me from mom's side.  Anyway, our pastor today had us say an Irish prayer and I want to share it, because I thought it was beautiful.

May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.  


I love you all, and I hope you have a super week. 
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