Wednesday, January 23, 2013

you people...

I'm really not sure how so many of you view my blog.  I really am confused by it.  I like me too, don't get me wrong, but lately I've been so boring.

Today, I accepted an offer from Ryobi Die Casting USA, Inc.  It's still in IT and I am really glad that I did this.  The other hopeful was not and I've been praying and thinking a lot about what is best for me.  Yes - I said - Praying. . . . in my blog, for others to read.  I do pray. I pray a lot in fact.  Always have and always will.  My prayers aren't organized though like a lot of other Christians I know.  I would venture that I pray at least twice every day.  Usually when I see something beautiful or even someone...I say "ahhh...thanks for that" or "look at that sky, thank you for a beautiful sky" or..more formal "lord, please hear me, I am thankful for this and this, and please show me your path."  YES - I do do this...and I am so not ashamed of it.  Jesus has put me where I need to be, and He ALWAYS will.  This does not mean, that I'm going to start preaching.  This does not mean that I'm going to push my ways on you...this is just what I do.  The most important thing in my life is you and those that I love, and this shows a lot.

I said this recently and I MEAN it wholeheartedly.."we're only on this planet to love"  I mean it.  I love you all and I won't even try to keep myself from feeling that way.  Loving is OKAY..Loving is RIGHT even.  Our purpose here..is not to succeed at our jobs, but rather we're to succeed with eachother.  I plan on making that my life's mission actually.  I love loving people more than anything, and this new job...it's gonna give me a lot of that.

There will always be people that I don't like...but I can love them and feel sorry for them even when I don't like them...Of course, there are people from Wabash National that I never want to work with again..but there are others that I consider life long friends..and I love all of them..LOVE..it's a taboo word that isn't used nearly enough in Business..I love you all..


Jess

Saturday, January 19, 2013

As always.. . . . . . .

starting with a poem/thought I had recently:

A cool little thought..

So today is a day that will NEVER happen again
This moment  - - we will NEVER have again
whether it be love or sadness or happiness or whatever
The level you have right now the exact measurement will change and you will never get it back

The sunshine you feel in this moment
is now gone..
the sunshine is the same but the moment is gone
My sadness will be filled with joy and then a sadness again at some point.

The way the wind just felt ruffling my hair
so calm and crisp...
I will never have that exact moment again

I remember a day when I was holding my son years ago
I thought..remember this moment, remember his smell, remember his face
I do...but I can never live that moment again, and I will never feel like I felt right then either.

When I started writing this, I was full of sadness and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness
Now it is replaced with a knowing and an understanding
Some people talk about how the tough things pass or "this too shall pass"
but really we move on..we change.. we grow.. we live

Tomorrow when I read this, I will not be filled with the same feeling as today
I might think this was a good writing
and I might wonder what inspired it

but I will not feel the exact feelings that led me to write it. 
                                                                                                   -Jessica Shoop - January 2013


Isn't it interesting how your favorite colors change?  Maybe yours hasn't but as for me, it is almost a weekly thing.  I will say that mostly it's the same class of colors basically, red, orange, yellow.  I dunno..sometimes it's blue.  Anyway, when I met Gary.  His was orange.  I didn't care much for orange.  Now his is blue mostly or the primaries..and mine is yellow mostly with maybe orange.  Anyway, Jennifer is very similar to this.  I wonder if other people are.

Why do I continue to watch Storage Wars even after gary goes to bed sometimes?  I don't want to watch it, but yet I do.  So weird.

This coming week, will probably change my life drastically.  Not sure how I feel about it at all yet.  Excited, but also unsure.

Why is it that one day people call you a friend, and then the next they have stabbed you in the back?  I will tell you all, I'm not like this.  Most of you that read this, probably know that about me, but anyway, I don't like being hurt by people, so if you are one of those kinds of people, just leave me outta it completely.
(Also though, I don't know many people that I don't call a friend)
Love is easy, relationships are hard.

So today mom dropped a shelf on her leg and was rubbing it at the Black Box, and I kinda giggled.  She was talking about how we're klutzy  and I was like, "I know all too well."  Right before I stood up right into a shelf with my head and shoulder..which really hurt.  My eyebrow feels bruised.  Crazy.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Jennifer Danielle . . .

I remember a moment when I was about 18 when I thought, "why do people even want to have kids, they are so annoying."  I remember thinking, "i really enjoy people, but only when they're like 15 and older."  Then I met Brian.  Honestly, most people that knew me, really knew me, didn't get the relationship at all.  How could I love someone like him?  Well, Brian was in a few of my classes in college, and we had been partnered on a project.  The first time we had to work together, I met his kids.  I remember thinking these kids are way cool.  Well, I feel deeply in love with those kids so fast.  Then after that, most kids weren't annoying to me anymore.  Isn't it weird how that sorta thing happens?  One day you're on track with this whole PLAN for your life, and then you're derailed and everything changes.

Recently I had a talk with my daughter about this...I do not know how many times in my life, the universe has decided for me that my mind and life was changing.  Things happen and we're all still children and growing together, so baby girl, there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about whatever.  Life has too many possibilities to feel like there is only one path.  Let's list a few of my life changing events..Okay - I didn't want you..until I met you...and then I couldn't imagine my life without you.  I got pregnant by accident (married but still) then got excited..and lost it..Tried for another year to get preg again with zach and when I finally changed jobs and started getting happy with life, found out we were having a baby...he was early and then I had to stay home a few years...(in the IT field, could have lost everything..) then put a resume (one) out there and got a job at Wabash..My parents divorced...I divorced...you and david left...people I loved dearly died....Decided to go back to school..started a business..wabash quit me before I was ready..decided to be a forever student..hoping for another job..  It NEVER ends baby cakes...just be happy that there are people that LOVE you through it all.  No matter what..
 
As my kids have grown, and Zach grows...I see so many things in them that make me so proud to call them my kids.  I am glad that whatever they have taken from me, they remember the most important of my rules:  Love...be only yourself...don't judge others (unless we're joking and playing the judging game)..and don't be evil.  I can't say don't be mean, cuz meanness is in the eye of the beholder..and sometimes people are just too sensitive...If you always try to love people through whatever though, you'll be better for it...and for the most part all of my kids do this.  Hopefully through the years and as I influence other kids..they all see that I wholeheartedly believe that being yourself and loving others is so important to everyone.

Smile through this day..and look forward to another like it tomorrow..
Love fully...Be who you want to be...not what others think you should be...and YOU shouldn't judge anyone

Monday, January 7, 2013

Observer

Today I watched more than spoke.. I know hard to believe from those that know me...
Laryngitis will do that to you though. I went to urgent care because I've been quite sick the last few days.. (sinusitis and bronchitis) the strangest thing happened. I had been there for about a half hour when this young lady, probably 25 or so, came in with her two young blonde children. The older child was a girl around 4 and the younger a boy 2ish.. At first sight nothing extraordinary... But she was carrying the boy and had the girl in tow so.. She brought them over to a chair near me. I immediately felt bad and went up to ask for a mask, at which point the lady asked me to sit the box out on the table and made the announcement for us all to wear them. The woman was checking in her daughter, Zoey, at the counter as I returned to my seat. I then noticed something kind of cool. I looked over at the kids and they looked perfect.. Like kids you'd see on a commercial... Well the mom came and sat next to the kids and Isaac was working a puzzle next to me. He would purposely put the pieces in all the wrong slots first and the last place was the right one. I am not sure why I paid so much attention to this little family.. But they were kinda like a stepford family because not a hair was out of place. I kept wondering what that kind of life would be like. What would it be like to have kids that were perfectly behaved and to be so slender and beautiful? I love my life.. I wouldn't change it, but still I wondered.

Then I decided to eat at arni's with Gary for lunch even though I wasn't feeling great.. I get really tired of being at home.. Anyway.. This older gentlemen brought in his young granddaughter for lunch. He was wearing a nose cannula with a small oxygen tank. I couldn't help but pay attention to how warm he seemed. I miss my grandpa so much and this man really reminded me of him..

Okay.. Tomorrow is a new day.. And hopefully less sickness and more cuddles and lovey time soon..

Live happy.. Love happy..

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Quentin Tarantino ...no spoilers

Okay - So..leaving the theater a while ago, I heard two comments within minutes.  The first, "Quentin Tarantino is a God, and that was his best movie ever."  The second, "I think that had to be the worst Tarantino movie ever."  I have to say...I have never really watched a Tarantino movie....Not really.  I have fallen asleep before or been doing other things while "Pulp Fiction" or "Kill Bill" was on...but I have never really given any of them my full attention.  Gary has been a big fan though, and has made movie references that I haven't gotten for years.  For Christmas this year I got him a Tarantino boxed set of Blu-rays.

So I had seen the "Django" preview many times and knew that I wanted to see it, but honestly I didn't know it was a Tarantino film.  I'm sure it said that on the preview, but I didn't pay much attention to that.  I did notice yesterday while Gary was watching a bonus Blu-ray that the "Django" preview was shown on it 4 different ways.  Anyway, this morning my wonderful man (feeling better) asked if I wanted to go see it today.

I have seen two Tarantino films today..."Django" and "Death proof" - I really really enjoyed both.  I think this means that I am going to have to watch them all.

While I was writing this Bill (a friend) asked if it was as good as "Inglorious Bastards".  I don't know the answer to that yet.  My oldest son and Gary saw that movie together, but I chose to see something else.  I know that I like Jamie Foxx, and that the movie was full of greats...and hilarious moments and blood and guts...It is a LONG movie, but it's very cool.  I'm really happy that I have someone that introduces me to new things without even meaning to.

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Some of my thoughts about other stuff
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One more thing..People and names...and musician's names and bands...I don't know members..I rarely know actor's names..I honestly believe that no one is any cooler than I am or you are...I think some people are good at entertaining and are talented, but that doesn't make them automatically special to me.  I like to remember things that I find important and special.  I will now add Quentin Tarantino to my list of important to me.

Tommy and Kenny (Gary's sons) used to play a band name 'who sang this' song with Gary while they were growing up...my parents didn't listen to that much music that I remember.  I remember listening to Kenny Rogers and Eddie Rabbit.  Anyway my point to this is...Gary and the boys still play this game, and I usually have no idea who sang that song..I will not study this or even ever care about it, but I love that it is something they share.  If I like it a musician...great..if not..great..but that doesn't mean I'm going to be obsessed with it and learn things about band members and such to fit in with the boys..
I don't know most actors and actresses either.  I don't need to know those that aren't important to me, but it always surprises me when Gary and Sarah and Roy are talking about an actress by name, and I have no idea who they're talking about.  I think some people really just don't care about that stuff.
I do find it interesting when someone and by that I don't mean anyone specific, but that people are like "you don't know who. . . . . is?" with a sense of condescension to their voice.  I hope that with all my sarcasm and goofiness and often pretend bitchiness that I don't come across condescending, and if I have to anyone I am truly sorry, because that is a trait, that I REALLY don't like.
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